Everything is pissing me off lately. Every minor inconvenience or annoyance that is out of the ordinary just serves as another reminder of the 4 decades long process of entropy that my life has been. Every day is just a little shittier than the previous day, and my depression has been joined by anger. I've never been an angry person. I'm so fucking sick of being here and not having a way out. It's like my life was perfectly tailored to leave me with no reasonable way out. The only money I have to spend is my foodstamps, I have no transportation, I don't own a gun. I don't live anywhere with tall cliffs or huge buildings to jump off. I live in the middle of the suburbs with two other people and have no privacy. Even if I had some money and could order some SN or something, I couldn't guarantee one of these nosy fuckers wouldn't open my package.
Even just typing this shit out I feel angry. I want out and there's no help. I read in the news recently that there were like half a dozen fentanyl ODs over the course of 3 days in my town and I was so fucking jealous. 12 years ago I would have known somebody local who could hook me up and this would all be over. I wish there was like a magical fairy or something who could magically whisk me out into the woods and shoot me in the fuckin head. I'm so tired of all this
Even just typing this shit out I feel angry. I want out and there's no help. I read in the news recently that there were like half a dozen fentanyl ODs over the course of 3 days in my town and I was so fucking jealous. 12 years ago I would have known somebody local who could hook me up and this would all be over. I wish there was like a magical fairy or something who could magically whisk me out into the woods and shoot me in the fuckin head. I'm so tired of all this
