Existential Despair in late 20s

[Argent]

So, this really is it. All the late nights studying, all the talk of my "potential" led to me working a 9-5, sitting in traffic on I-78, and wallowing in despair that tomorrow will just be a repeat of the same day I've lived over and over.

Is this... how it's always going to be? I'm 28 now. If it was ever going to be different, surely things would have changed by now. But I'm stuck. Trapped like a caged bird.

It makes me miserable to think that I'm going to need to spend my present future years laboring away for someone else. I hate working. I fucking hate commuting. I can't stand this anymore. I'm so god damn angry but I have no one to direct the anger toward.

Can anyone else relate?

I feel a little silly putting this out here. I've lurked for a while but this is one of my first posts. I've been abandoned and stabbed in the back enough times by "friends" to know I can't trust anyone else irl. Worst of which was being involuntarily hospitalized and then thrown a ER bill for my troubles. "Quality care" for depression. It's a sick fucking joke.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I just feel like nothing is worth being around for, and if there were a way out, I would want it. The only thing keeping me around is my cat. I love her. But even if something happens to me, my will will take care of her. So... Why wouldn't I take the plunge?

I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to fucking exist. I am so, so tired. Please let me sleep in peace.

Do any of you feel the same? I just... don't know what to do anymore :(. I've felt the same way for many years and it just isn't going away.

 

[YourLocalEdgelord]

Oh yeah, we're like approaching "it's societal death if you still don't get your shit together" territory. I'm so not ready for this shit :D

Also, 9-5 is modern slavery. And we're supposed to do this until retirement... with a 25% chance of never making it there alive. I read only 3 out of 4 make it to that age. Yay!!! :D

I've been abandoned and stabbed in the back enough times by "friends" to know I can't trust anyone else irl.

Same. I kicked all of them out of my life. It feels like friendships and relationships are impossible because no one wants to commit. They're all in it for their own benefits.

The only thing keeping me around is my cat

Cats are the best <3

 

[never mind me]

This sounds like there are several things troubling you. One thing seems to be lack of people you can trust. So it might be worth to ask yourself, if there are really no people in your life or if you simply became overly cautious towards the people you have in your life? If this is the case you can try to ask yourself for individual people you know what they have done in the past to earn your trust or distrust and try to base your judgement of others on facts. If you really lack friends then it might be worth it to try to get to know new people through common interests and build new friendships. From my own experience I can say that being socially isolated can on its own be enough to feel really down and even suicidal.

The other thing you mention is being unhappy about your job and commuting. Is it because the job is not interesting? Or is it the fact that you don't have enough free time? Depending on the exact cause of your unhappiness you could try to change jobs or try to work part time.
As you are from the US there are also more radical options, if you want to have some freedom from always having to work (although they are probably not for everyone as they demand some courage): You could try to cut your expenses by either moving in with flat mates or living in a van and safe up money and after a while you could either just live in a van and do outdoorsy stuff as you please or just drive around and do sightseeing or go to another country with lower costs of living (that is almost every country compared to the US) and live there or you could use the money to travel abroad (again lower costs of living almost anywhere outside of the US mean that even modest savings from the US will stretch far elsewhere). Once you run out of money you can find a new job and repeat. It might be best to look for seasonal jobs to otpimize this.

 

[passthisnote]

So, this really is it. All the late nights studying, all the talk of my "potential" led to me working a 9-5, sitting in traffic on I-78, and wallowing in despair that tomorrow will just be a repeat of the same day I've lived over and over.

Is this... how it's always going to be? I'm 28 now. If it was ever going to be different, surely things would have changed by now. But I'm stuck. Trapped like a caged bird.

It makes me miserable to think that I'm going to need to spend my present future years laboring away for someone else. I hate working. I fucking hate commuting. I can't stand this anymore. I'm so god damn angry but I have no one to direct the anger toward.

Can anyone else relate?

I feel a little silly putting this out here. I've lurked for a while but this is one of my first posts. I've been abandoned and stabbed in the back enough times by "friends" to know I can't trust anyone else irl. Worst of which was being involuntarily hospitalized and then thrown a ER bill for my troubles. "Quality care" for depression. It's a sick fucking joke.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I just feel like nothing is worth being around for, and if there were a way out, I would want it. The only thing keeping me around is my cat. I love her. But even if something happens to me, my will will take care of her. So... Why wouldn't I take the plunge?

I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to fucking exist. I am so, so tired. Please let me sleep in peace.

Do any of you feel the same? I just... don't know what to do anymore :(. I've felt the same way for many years and it just isn't going away.

yes i'm 19 and i rlly don't want it to js get worse from here on out so i would rather come to an abrupt stop now than a very slow and painful decline for years to come

 

[itsgone2]

Work is your life. I wish someone had been that blunt with me, although it's obvious. At least you're realizing it now.
Yes, for most it's 40 years of work until the possibility of retirement.
Some can embrace it. I never did. But then I was ready to when my company sold.

Nothing more important than work. And work can't wait to make workers expendable

 

[Spite]

O_O Are we the same person?? 28 here, I also dread working, have also been involuntarily committed once before, very little trust in others.

I think just about every single day my mind experiences some kind of existential dread. Hearing my alarm go off at 5:30am... having to wake up and drag myself out of bed and put my work uniform on, every single day. It's fucking miserable. I *hate* the 9-to-5. I can't even tell you how often I've had the same repeat thought myself that's like "shit, I'm wasting my life away being somewhere I don't want to be, don't something I don't want to do". And then... what do we even do about it? Being unemployed is not an option. This society doesn't allow it. It's cruel, merciless, and unforgiving. You deacribed it perfectly when you said it feels like being a bird trapped in a cage.

I also cannot fathom how so many people seem to just be okay with it. They just go with the flow and accept this for what it is without question.

Wageslavery definitely makes me want to die sooner. Sure, I do have little joys and rare moments where I do get to experience something good, but ultimately it feels like it's not even worth sticking around for. I'd rather die than continue this bullshit for another 40+ years.

Do you have any creative hobbies? The best advice I can give is to try to indulge your time and energy (when you can, if you can) into passion projects, or anything that can bring you an inkling of joy and fulfilment. I know even that is hard to do, as the 9-to-5 is designed to drain your energy and turn you into an emotionless robot. Oftentimes I'll come home from a long day from work and I'll feel too exhausted to do anything at all.