Venting I'm sick of being a suicide hotline

[maggineko]

I'm sorry. I really can't. I'm so tired and as someone suicidal myself, it's just so exhausting to lie and lie and lie and lie. It feels like I'm being hypocritical begging my friends not to kill themselves when I want to quietly die off without them. It feels so selfish to just beg these people to stay and for whose sake? Mine? I'm not entitled to their existence, their company, their life. But I don't want anyone to die because the people around them failed them.

Context; my friend just randomly texted me "I feel like ending myself. My iPhone password is [xxxx] and my Android is [xxxx]." I panicked so hard, texting, calling everywhere possible. No pickup. My friend managed to get through to her by calling her iPhone as I called her Android, and apparently, her husband had been calling her horrible insults (they have petty fights regularly), and they talked for maybe 5 minutes before she said she was gonna hang up because her phone was dying. Now nobody can get back to her and I'm sitting all the way in a different state helpless and worried sick and resentful.

I'm just so sick of being the only one people push the burden of suicide on. I'm sorry, it sounds like such a horrible thing to say. I'm happy to do my part where I can prevent suicide, especially for my dearest friends, but keep in mind, these are the same people who do not fucking check on me, don't text me, don't call me when it's my turn to want to die. They say "I don't know what to say/do" as if I'm not the blueprint for them when I work overtime to lie and lie and comfort and lie to them just so I don't lose any more people to suicide.

 

[DoublePepperoni]

Sorry, but your friends don't really sound like good friends. You aren't responsible for anyone's life, you shouldn't have the obligation to keep them alive. Helping others is only good if you aren't hurting yourself for it, because otherwise you're just creating more harm.

On the other hand, if you really want to stick with them, it might be good to learn to explain what you expect from them, tell them you want them to listen or to say something comforting, to treat you how you treat them - some people are not naturally good at that.

Hope you manage to resolve it!