Venting Why do we have to cope with SI

[earthtomonday]

I think I want to quit therapy. I think I also want to get more serious abt finding methods to CTB. I had a thought the other day which I think a lot of ppl experience but it was just…why?
The negative thoughts will always be there
The preference to end my life even during season of happiness will always be there
So wtf am I doing

And nobody has a good answer to why I should force myself to learn how to cope with negative thoughts.
It's because the real answer answer is it makes everyone else more comfortable. You not acting on your "negative thoughts" will help you better play the role of spouse, child, coworker, sibling, friend and etc.
What use are you to those roles if you aren't showing up fully engaged at other ppl's convenience despite internally suffering and drowning.
There's so much anger associated with my SI and depression that I don't talk about but I am so angry. I'm angry I'm alive, I'm angry I can't take the plunge, I'm angry nobody will care till I'm dead, I'm angry ppl's only interest in me being alive is so I can continue to fulfill whatever role I play in there lives. Because at the end of the day nobody can promise it'll get better and nobody can say some future hypothetical happiness will override any SI because I've been there done that and I still wanted to die. I'm just so angry. And the anger turns into sadness, then numbness. and then we start over……

 

[EmptyBottle]

imo, rather than "learning to cope with negative thoughts", learning how to stop them would be cool, and as for the title's question, survival instinct developed evolutionally, to prevent people from dying needlessly... now that we don't have to hunt/gather to survive, that use has reduced, and the human population can take a hit of 1 billion (assuming that 1 billion somehow CTB, unlikely but maybe possible) and still keep going (coz there's ~8 billion ppl on Earth at time of post)