echoedleaf
she/her/hers
- Oct 11, 2025
- 10
i feel like i'm at the end of my rope here. i haven't posted on here since october and i wish i could say that's because i recovered and felt better. but that would only be partially true.
i went into a residential treatment facility in november to address my psychosis and depressive episode. i came out in april, and felt worlds better, but since then, i've been backsliding again and have fallen into yet another hole.
i received an offer for a job that's very compelling to me last month. this seemed like a big positive and things were initially looking up. the only issue is that i needed a lot of help filling out the initial forms since this would be my first full time/adult job (i'm 20). ive tried asking my dad for help but he is hardly around and when he is he's angry with me that i haven't made more progress towards the paperwork that i need to complete, even though he's the only person that can help me.
my relationship with my dad is poor even outside of that. he has a girlfriend that i truly cannot stand for many reasons, including the fact that she straight up does not believe in science or medicine at all. to be clear she's not skeptical of modern medicine, she believes it all actually has a negative effect and everything, including things like cancer, can heal on their own without medical intervention. this is especially upsetting for me because my mom died of cancer a little over a year ago.
i have no idea what i'm supposed to do from here. i can't keep living like this. even if i start the job, i can't move out and i feel like that's the only thing that would help me right now. i literally have nowhere to go. i don't have any friends or family i can stay with. ctb is my only option but i'm so scared. i just want to ctb but it's so terrifying. i wish i could get up the nerve and end this torment
i went into a residential treatment facility in november to address my psychosis and depressive episode. i came out in april, and felt worlds better, but since then, i've been backsliding again and have fallen into yet another hole.
i received an offer for a job that's very compelling to me last month. this seemed like a big positive and things were initially looking up. the only issue is that i needed a lot of help filling out the initial forms since this would be my first full time/adult job (i'm 20). ive tried asking my dad for help but he is hardly around and when he is he's angry with me that i haven't made more progress towards the paperwork that i need to complete, even though he's the only person that can help me.
my relationship with my dad is poor even outside of that. he has a girlfriend that i truly cannot stand for many reasons, including the fact that she straight up does not believe in science or medicine at all. to be clear she's not skeptical of modern medicine, she believes it all actually has a negative effect and everything, including things like cancer, can heal on their own without medical intervention. this is especially upsetting for me because my mom died of cancer a little over a year ago.
i have no idea what i'm supposed to do from here. i can't keep living like this. even if i start the job, i can't move out and i feel like that's the only thing that would help me right now. i literally have nowhere to go. i don't have any friends or family i can stay with. ctb is my only option but i'm so scared. i just want to ctb but it's so terrifying. i wish i could get up the nerve and end this torment
