I had a lot of hope when I was younger that things would get better for me as I got older, and that's really what kept me from doing it. That plus, I wanted (and truly believed I could) make a difference in the world.
Now that I'm an adult it's only gotten worse. So much worse. And worst of all, I've lost my intelligence that I cared so deeply about before. A bad combination of medicines from a bad psychiatrist started it, and now I have completely lost my capability, quickness, and all of my intelligence. I'm basically lobotomized compared to before. It's been months of trying to get better from this, and things only getting worse. I've been doing every therapy and been on every med since I was probably 8 years old. I'm so, so tired. My soul is tired. But I can't get myself to do it because I can't get rid of the little part of me that hopes that some magic thing will happen that will fix everything. I know it won't. I know it's inevitable. But I can't muster the courage to let go and do it. I feel like I'm screaming into the void. What do you do?
Now that I'm an adult it's only gotten worse. So much worse. And worst of all, I've lost my intelligence that I cared so deeply about before. A bad combination of medicines from a bad psychiatrist started it, and now I have completely lost my capability, quickness, and all of my intelligence. I'm basically lobotomized compared to before. It's been months of trying to get better from this, and things only getting worse. I've been doing every therapy and been on every med since I was probably 8 years old. I'm so, so tired. My soul is tired. But I can't get myself to do it because I can't get rid of the little part of me that hopes that some magic thing will happen that will fix everything. I know it won't. I know it's inevitable. But I can't muster the courage to let go and do it. I feel like I'm screaming into the void. What do you do?
