Venting my wife died today.

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

There are no words to lessen your pain. I'm glad you have someone to at least help a bit, allow them to be there for you and help as much as possible. Be kind to yourself and use this forum to share your feelings as much as you want. You are in my thoughts.

 

[ABadPerson]

Please make sure to still take care of yourself, I know it'll be hard but seriously do; I hope you keep that friend close as any support beam can mean immensely. Remember that you are allowed to grieve, especially on a forum like this so don't at all bottle anything up.

I send my condolences.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

after looking through medical conditions I found what killed her. "Septic Shock"

Here's the run down :
End-stage sepsis, also known as septic shock, is a life-threatening condition where blood pressure drops dangerously low, and multiple organs, including the lungs, kidneys, and liver, begin to fail. Symptoms include very low blood pressure, confusion, pale or blotchy skin, and a rash that doesn't fade when pressed. At this point, the focus shifts to supportive care and hospice, as the condition can progress rapidly toward death.

• Extreme low blood pressure: Even with IV fluids, the blood pressure remains abnormally low.
  
  
• Organ failure: Lungs, kidneys, and liver begin to fail.
  
  
• Severe confusion or altered mental state: This can be a sign of the brain being deprived of oxygen.
  
  
• Changes in skin color: Skin may appear pale, grey, or blotchy, and a rash that does not fade when pressed can be a symptom.
  
  
• Rapid heart rate: The heart may beat very fast.
  
  
• Little or no urine output: This indicates the kidneys are not functioning properly.
  
  
  her heart rate was 145 BPM before cardiac arrest, and Every thing posted is EXACTLY what happened to her.
  
  during the day we had a nice dinner date, talked about things, she didn't say anything about feeling bad and then in the morning I found her in the state she was in and got her help, but too little too late. If she was feeling bad, I wish she would have said something, I would have taken her there, but It came and took her out so fast. I been crying and screaming saying "What if I..." thinking maybe I could have saved her some how, I can't help but blame myself for it.

 

[kittyangelwings]

So my wife died today She was 49 and I constantly said that by the time she is 50 I will have to bury her And now my brain has call it and I can't say I'm surprised. I'm sitting here drinking I'm trying to numb the pain nothing was really helping but I will say this much while she didn't make me entirely happy I still cared about her. Now now she's gone and it will be hard to wake up day-to-day with her not being there and having to see her for the last time a look on her face was sad and there was nothing that could have been done about that. So I have to find a way to live without my wife without my rock and home. However I just wanted to let everybody know who was interested.

im sorry for ur loss

 

[NutOrat]

I been crying and screaming saying "What if I..." thinking maybe I could have saved her some how, I can't help but blame myself for it.

Please try not to think that! It's hard not to, but really it's not your fault, these things happen because of many variables, chance, timing. Things you couldn't have had knowledge of in the moment. I'm very sorry for your loss, take care of yourself.

 

[unluckysadness]

So sorry for your loss. Sending my sincere condolences and support.

 

[BradGuy123]

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I wish there were something I could say to make you feel better, but I know there isn't. May memories comfort you. Sending you a virtual hug.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Remember the guy I said was going to help me? Yeah, he's no where to be found. I can't say I am surprised. I been doing everything on my own feeling betrayed and burned from those who said they would help me through this tragedy. It's been a month and two days since I lost her and the pain of it is still fresh and I find myself sitting at my desk talking to myself. Had some of my online checking on me to make sure I am surviving and I am barely. I been sleeping all day, have no drive or will to get up, but I do to feed my cats. I am saddened by the person who said they would help me though. That's just cruel. You don't give false hope and then back out, that's just all sorts of wrong. I wouldn't do that, if the roles were reversed I would call everyday and ask if anything was needed that could be provided. My brother in law is the same way. I even messaged him when I got her ashes because he said he wanted some of them. Heard nothing. So sit here alone..afraid, scared, lost, lonely, sad, destroyed. Don't mention therapy, it has NEVER helped as I was with it half of my life and it has not done anything. I am not letting my insurance pay for something that is so disingenuous and fake.

Guess I am just going to wait until my time is done. My brother from MI called me and told him that I may CTB in the near future and he said if I do, he will because I am the only living relative that's alive that will talk to him. So I can't do that, as shitty as my brother is that wouldn't be fair and won't. Always told myself if taking myself out would affect another I won't do it. Fuck the holidays, it's just a cold reminder of losing two people I lost. No joy, happiness or anything. On Christmas day I'll just eat instant ramen and feel jealous of those who have family to go to, friends to see and presents to give and get. This is kind of like dying you know, except conscious. Drowning....no one to pull you out. I was foolish to think someone would actually help me. Not worth helping and nothing in it for them because after all that's how people are. Aren't around unless you can be used for something or get ahead.

 

[indianachrome]

Sorry to hear that guy hosed you. I'm not terribly surprised. Some people are shit. Well I know it doesn't mean much but I am thinking about you and hoping for better times. That's really sweet your brother cares for you the way he does.

 

[ForeverLonely82]

Sorry to hear that guy hosed you. I'm not terribly surprised. Some people are shit. Well I know it doesn't mean much but I am thinking about you and hoping for better times. That's really sweet your brother cares for you the way he does.

Yeah, he called when he went on Facebook for the month (he barely goes on) said he wished he could be with me right now (knowing him though....he wouldn't as it's a inconvenience for him...trust me, I know how he thinks) the other day he ordered a anchovies pizza because I mentioned how when I lived at my moms we would order 3 medium pizzas with anchoives and mushrooms and pound them all. (I am fat, but he's not) he took a picture of it and said "you mentioning that made me remember, if you were here I would share this with you". I know he cares, he's not totally heartless and it was nice to talk about thing here and there. I know losing mom made him lost too and messed me up for a while as well. I love my brother, even though he's hard to handle and still acts 15 at 45 years of age. I talked to him nearly everyday when that happened, just to make sure he was ok.

Yeah. this guy is shit, totally changed my perspective of him. The thing is he had a history with my wife. they were friends since college and hung out alot with their "click". He met me after I visited my soon to be wife (we were in a long distance relationship then) we hit it off with talks of video games and tech. eventually I became part of the "click" of the new age. I felt welcomed....not any more. All I ask is for honesty from people and if he had no interest in grounding me then it would have been better if he said nothing at all. I am not expecting someone to be there hand on foot for me, No...but if I fuck up, some help would be nice but that's too much to ask I suppose. I am not smart, disabled from my mental disorders, fat and apparently not liked enough to have friends. I have accepted it, but still hurts. I just suffer in silence most of the time, because there is no sense reaching out when no one gives a damn since I am a guy.

 

[gunmetalblue]

I'm really sorry you're going through this man. I lost a partner some time ago and the grief is awful. It's a blur even looking back at it now. And I still feel it today.
Also the people who said they would help and then dropped you are extremely cruel. And don't deserve to have you as a person, they haven't shown respect to their word. Even if their own excuses may be grief too depending.
Good luck and I hope your days get a little less dark soon.