I'm neurodivergent. Probably asperger or cptsd or both. Therrfore I don't have any friends and the friends I used to have, I didn't find it very satisfying to talk to them anyway. It was as if I was supposed to wear a mask all the time. I also never had a girlfriend.
I met this woman maybe four months ago on a nonduality subredit. We started to talk through discord every week or two.
Throygh out the period I was very depressed and suicidal, but I was always looking forward to talk to her. It felt very natural, I didn't have to pretend anything. She was also neurodivergent and in a specific way very similar to me.
Over time I noticed I'm becoming attached to her. But she was 10 years older than me and had a husband. So I decided I'm okay with just staying friends.
It was until she told me about nature of her relationship. Apparently they were open. She told me that it was her husband that wanted it that way. But she also used it few times.
As she was saying it to me something clicked and I decided to confess my feelings for her.
She rejected me straight out. But I couldn't let it go, so I kept asking her questions on why. Whether it's because I'm too wierd. Whether there is something wrong with me. She didn't give me any answer that would actually sound true, mostly just empty platitudes. I deffinitely should have just let it go, but we ended up talking about it like an hour.
I didn't let it go on the next day too. I messaged her, saying that I know she wasn't honest with me. She than snapped and I ended up apologizing and promising I will let it go.
I spent around week processing the rejection. Then I messaged her that I'm okay with things staying how they are and that I will be okay.
She then replied by ending our friendship forever.
I feel like I just want to fucking die so bad.
To be honest I'm really jelous of her husband, imagine having a partner like her, but it's not enough he also has to have a roaster of women on top of it. She told me that after two years of dating she told him she loves him and he refused to say it back.
Fuck this reality. This world is literal antithesis to fairness. I wish humanity would just go extinct. I have spent most of my life trying to be someone desirable, but I guess I will forever be worthless to people.
I met this woman maybe four months ago on a nonduality subredit. We started to talk through discord every week or two.
Throygh out the period I was very depressed and suicidal, but I was always looking forward to talk to her. It felt very natural, I didn't have to pretend anything. She was also neurodivergent and in a specific way very similar to me.
Over time I noticed I'm becoming attached to her. But she was 10 years older than me and had a husband. So I decided I'm okay with just staying friends.
It was until she told me about nature of her relationship. Apparently they were open. She told me that it was her husband that wanted it that way. But she also used it few times.
As she was saying it to me something clicked and I decided to confess my feelings for her.
She rejected me straight out. But I couldn't let it go, so I kept asking her questions on why. Whether it's because I'm too wierd. Whether there is something wrong with me. She didn't give me any answer that would actually sound true, mostly just empty platitudes. I deffinitely should have just let it go, but we ended up talking about it like an hour.
I didn't let it go on the next day too. I messaged her, saying that I know she wasn't honest with me. She than snapped and I ended up apologizing and promising I will let it go.
I spent around week processing the rejection. Then I messaged her that I'm okay with things staying how they are and that I will be okay.
She then replied by ending our friendship forever.
I feel like I just want to fucking die so bad.
To be honest I'm really jelous of her husband, imagine having a partner like her, but it's not enough he also has to have a roaster of women on top of it. She told me that after two years of dating she told him she loves him and he refused to say it back.
Fuck this reality. This world is literal antithesis to fairness. I wish humanity would just go extinct. I have spent most of my life trying to be someone desirable, but I guess I will forever be worthless to people.
