anonymousfoxxo
Stray Fox
- Nov 9, 2023
- 31
I have made several posts on here. I had my ups and downs too. I had tried therapy and meds and drugs. Everything failed me. I failed life in return.
I have finally gotten to a breaking point where panic attacks and breakdowns are constant and every single night. There's not a day without thinking about suicide. I love my family and I have held on for so long for them. 9 years.. or more now... Fighting.. fighting and suffering every single day. From PTSD to overworking to everything else possible.
I have no longer energy. I feel like It is time I prioritized my well being for once truly. My plan is now nearly complete.
I will buy a bunch of strong alcohol, a strong and thick rope, at the end of the month when I have money for them. I will keep it somewhere where nobody can see. I will also soon have my bike back. I will use it as an excuse to go far and while away I will look for a place that could work, far from home, in some forest or some bridge. That's the missing part of the plan, the actual place.
Once I finally have it, I will note it down, and the next time everyone's away and I'm not at work, I will bring the rope, bring the alcohol, tie the rope, drink up until I can barely open my eyes, enter the rope, and drink some more, hoping I pass out, and fall, fall with the rope around my neck.
Hopefully, it should be lethal, and the least pain I can produce. It should be also quick in case it's painful. I tried it out briefly without alcohol, and it's not exactly a great experience. I also threw up, damn SI. . .
Hopefully alcohol will help.
And hopefully I can execute my plan before next year, even if I chicken out now.
I hope I am not here too long. I will make more posts till then, probably many more, so I won't say goodbye yet. But I wanted to let it out and sort of also just use this post as a note to myself on what I planned out.
I am so tired...
I have finally gotten to a breaking point where panic attacks and breakdowns are constant and every single night. There's not a day without thinking about suicide. I love my family and I have held on for so long for them. 9 years.. or more now... Fighting.. fighting and suffering every single day. From PTSD to overworking to everything else possible.
I have no longer energy. I feel like It is time I prioritized my well being for once truly. My plan is now nearly complete.
I will buy a bunch of strong alcohol, a strong and thick rope, at the end of the month when I have money for them. I will keep it somewhere where nobody can see. I will also soon have my bike back. I will use it as an excuse to go far and while away I will look for a place that could work, far from home, in some forest or some bridge. That's the missing part of the plan, the actual place.
Once I finally have it, I will note it down, and the next time everyone's away and I'm not at work, I will bring the rope, bring the alcohol, tie the rope, drink up until I can barely open my eyes, enter the rope, and drink some more, hoping I pass out, and fall, fall with the rope around my neck.
Hopefully, it should be lethal, and the least pain I can produce. It should be also quick in case it's painful. I tried it out briefly without alcohol, and it's not exactly a great experience. I also threw up, damn SI. . .
Hopefully alcohol will help.
And hopefully I can execute my plan before next year, even if I chicken out now.
I hope I am not here too long. I will make more posts till then, probably many more, so I won't say goodbye yet. But I wanted to let it out and sort of also just use this post as a note to myself on what I planned out.
I am so tired...
