Venting My mom wants me to be “productive”

[Throwawayacc3]

She commented about me going to live there before, but she first of all wants to rent it out. She talked about it today

So all that talk wasn't even gas lighting. She knew she was going to rent it (I did say why don't you do it and get a "commission" for the work) but she's doing it herself??!?!? I don't believe in religion nonsense but if i did your mum is the devil. Money grubbing piece of garbage human. Hoardes resources and doesn't even help humans she created? Bottom of the barrel…..

I'd go into detail but I don't feel safe openly admitting what happened in a public space. Just all I'll say is that I'm traumatized and hurt so much...

Yeah you don't. It's pretty evident. Terrible disgusting people …..

 

[sserafim]

My goodness. She sounds dense I'm sorry, my mom is too. They can't see how unhelpful these comments they are making are ….like?
You guys are at completely different stages of life, why can't she see that wtf. . . . Maybe you're not the one who needs help lol.
I'm so sorry she sounds constantly invalidating, and dismissive. This would drive me mad. It seems like a catch 22 though the situation you're in , like you're damned if you leave , damned if you don't :3

Yeah, it's a catch 22; I basically have no choice but to obey her and do what she says. Otherwise, something worse will happen

 

[melancholymallory03]

Yeah it's a catch-22; I basically have no choice but to do what she says. Otherwise, something worse will happen

🕊……..

 

[karmaisabitch]

My mom wants me to be "productive". She says that "this is no way to live" for her (me living off of her for the rest of her life) and she didn't envision her life to be like this. Either I apply for the autism job search/career program, or she evicts and (legally) severs ties with me (she gave me an eviction letter in February but she hasn't acted on it yet). I'm backed into a corner. Should I just bite the bullet and do it? I guess my time as a NEET will have to come to an end…ugh. I should be panicking right now but I don't feel anything at all. I think I've become completely apathetic to everything

I thought you said you have a " bachelors" if you can get that far you can work. Even if you are autistic so what? You managed to get a degree employers do hire people with mental health just take your medicine. Also your mom is right maybe she can't provide for adult anymore in the end you are adult. Just FYI CTB is not the answer fir everything

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I told her that she had a responsibility to me, but she said only until 18. She said that I'm an adult (I'm 23), so I can fend for myself and she has no responsibility to me anymore. She says that I'm supposed to be independent and on my own

I'm going to say this in the most tasteful way possible. I dealt with some bad people in the property industry (UK) but even though they were greedy and terrible fuckikg people all of the ones that had children helped them either totally or enough. In your case I really really hope your mother gets some ficked up genetic code activate soon and fucks her up. I don't say this lightly but her actions, words and everything she is doing is….. it's not even human.

 

[sserafim]

I thought you said you have a " bachelors" if you can get that far you can work. Even if you are autistic so what? You managed to get a degree employers do hire people with mental health just take your medicine. Also your mom is right maybe she can't provide for adult anymore in the end you are adult. Just FYI CTB is not the answer fir everything

Yeah, I have a bachelor's degree, but work sounds terrible. It sounds like modern day slavery, and I'm already in autistic burnout. I don't think I can handle a job, and I honestly don't want to work. I have less spoons of energy than other people and I guess I have less of a stress and demand threshold. I can't have so many things on my plate; I just can't deal with it

 

[melancholymallory03]

I thought you said you have a " bachelors" if you can get that far you can work. Even if you are autistic so what? You managed to get a degree employers do hire people with mental health just take your medicine. Also your mom is right maybe she can't provide for adult anymore in the end you are adult. Just FYI CTB is not the answer fir everything

For autistic people we might get hired on the spot easier because we seem super well spoken,have degreees like they are mentioning^ or just seem overall good learners. But autistic people also deal with a lot of sensory stress and overload and experiences that just aren't cut out for society and social norms. A lot of us feel alien, weird and just out of place….
And our emotions can also be super intense. It's not easy to explain to a boss things like , I'm hot can I go change my shirt right now before I scream? Or , it's so loud can I work with headphones in? Or hey I need five days off I feel sick for no great reason just super burnt out. None of this is easy to explain to an employer. Autistic people usually thrive if anything , self employed …. Society is painful

For autistic people we might get hired on the spot easier because we seem super well spoken,have degreees like they are mentioning^ or just seem overall good learners. But autistic people also deal with a lot of sensory stress and overload and experiences that just aren't cut out for society and social norms. A lot of us feel alien, weird and just out of place….
And our emotions can also be super intense. It's not easy to explain to a boss things like , I'm hot can I go change my shirt right now before I scream? Or , it's so loud can I work with headphones in? Or hey I need five days off I feel sick for no great reason just super burnt out. None of this is easy to explain to an employer. Autistic people usually thrive if anything , self employed …. Society is painful

Of course there's level of functioning so I'm sure some people may thrive in different work environments but 100% just being Austistic is ( I feel ) grounds to fear working , or want to avoid it altogether. Money makes the world go around though and we have to have money to feed ourselves etc, so that also comes into play…

 

[JKFleck]

I have no words other than I'm really sorry to hear you going through this, I'm going through a similar path albeit with a few more months left before my deadline is reached (20 years old, 1st year Bachelor student here)

 

[melancholymallory03]

I told her that she had a responsibility to me, but she said only until 18. She said that I'm an adult (I'm 23), so I can fend for myself and she has no responsibility to me anymore. She says that I'm supposed to be independent and on my own, and she's mad that I'm not

As someone who moved out right at 18. This is one of the most common mistakes parents make, thinking we are ready.. or ourselves. It's not normal to just kick out a kid at 18. It's a personal choice if the kids ready I suppose and mature, but why is this normal in society? Just 10 days ago the kid was 17, and babied. 9 days later he turns 18 and boom! Societal values ! Pressures and expectations. Shackled us to capitalism

(16actusllu wtf…. Grew up to fast it's not even funny ) time just blurs lol…

 

[sserafim]

As someone who moved out right at 18. This is one of the most common mistakes parents make, thinking we are ready.. or ourselves. It's not normal to just kick out a kid at 18. It's a personal choice if the kids ready I suppose and mature, but why is this normal in society? Just 10 days ago the kid was 17, and babied. 9 days later he turns 18 and boom! Societal values ! Pressures and expectations. Shackled us to capitalism

(16actusllu wtf…. Grew up to fast it's not even funny ) time just blurs lol…

Literally. I don't get this either. I always thought that it was so weird how children were kicked out once they reached 18. At least my parents didn't, which is good, but I did go off to college. My mom is mad that I'm still living off of her and that I'm not independent, but why is there even an expectation to be independent? I don't want to have to be on my own

 

[Throwawayacc3]

As someone who moved out right at 18. This is one of the most common mistakes parents make, thinking we are ready.. or ourselves. It's not normal to just kick out a kid at 18. It's a personal choice if the kids ready I suppose and mature, but why is this normal in society? Just 10 days ago the kid was 17, and babied. 9 days later he turns 18 and boom! Societal values ! Pressures and expectations. Shackled us to capitalism

(16actusllu wtf…. Grew up to fast it's not even funny ) time just blurs lol…

It's an American, UK thing (partly). It's part of the machine getting cheap workers and not having a good base so you succumb to the machine. Similar to how the school system work (based off the Prussian system).
In Italy you don't leave until you get married.

 

[sserafim]

It's an American, UK thing (partly). It's part of the machine getting cheap workers and not having a good base so you succumb to the machine. Similar to how the school system work (based off the Prussian system).
In Italy you don't leave until you get married.

Is that why it's called "kindergarten"? I always wondered why it had a German name lol

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Is that why it's called "kindergarten"? I always wondered why it had a German name lol

I'm talking about the schooling system in its totality (regardless of what age bracket):

Our schooling system has not evolved in over 100 years. We still use the Prussian school system which is designed to instill obedience so that children will not learn how to think for themselves.

From the book "Future Shock",

"Mass education was the ingenious machine constructed by industrialism to produce the kind of adults it needed. The problem was inordinately complex. How to pre-adapt children for a new world – a world of repetitive indoor toil, smoke, noise, machines, crowded living conditions, collective discipline, a world in which time was to be regulated not by the cycle of sun and moon, but by the factory whistle and the clock."

This isn't different from today. Schooling instills obedience in us so that we are prepared to obey our superiors in the workplace and never think for ourselves. We went from taking orders from teachers to taking orders from managers. Lunch breaks are still lunch breaks. Exams turned into performance reviews. Bullys are still bullys. What's changed?

We were young so we didn't realize the damage that was done until it was too late. Most likely your parents didn't care because they were too busy bragging about your schooling accomplishments to their peers.

The nightmare didn't begin after college; it started long before that.

 

[karmaisabitch]

Yeah, I have a bachelor's degree, but work sounds terrible. It sounds like modern day slavery, and I'm already in autistic burnout. I don't think I can handle a job, and I honestly don't want to work. I have less spoons of energy than other people and I guess I have less of a stress and demand threshold. I can't have so many things on my plate; I just can't deal with it

You will have to or apply for disability you need some type of financial stability for you not for your parents! I think work is not that bad once you get used to it I don't know I guess you know you more than us but give yourself a try I think you can do more

 

[melancholymallory03]

Is that why it's called "kindergarten"? I always wondered why it had a German name lol

Hahah I graduated kindergarten it was so fucking weird and such an Ontario thing

They asked us all what we wanted to be when we were older , me at the last I said
Rich like we're all such animals lmao. …. Humans …..we can't escape ourselves

 

[sserafim]

Hahah I graduated kindergarten it was so fucking weird and such an Ontario thing

They asked us all what we wanted to be when we were older , me at the last I said
Rich like we're all such animals lmao. …. Humans …..we can't escape ourselves

I never had an answer to that question because I never wanted to be anything. I just made something up. I never even wanted to grow up, but sadly I did. I wish that I had died when I was younger. I really feel like I was meant to

 

[karmaisabitch]

For autistic people we might get hired on the spot easier because we seem super well spoken,have degreees like they are mentioning^ or just seem overall good learners. But autistic people also deal with a lot of sensory stress and overload and experiences that just aren't cut out for society and social norms. A lot of us feel alien, weird and just out of place….
And our emotions can also be super intense. It's not easy to explain to a boss things like , I'm hot can I go change my shirt right now before I scream? Or , it's so loud can I work with headphones in? Or hey I need five days off I feel sick for no great reason just super burnt out. None of this is easy to explain to an employer. Autistic people usually thrive if anything , self employed …. Society is painful

Of course there's level of functioning so I'm sure some people may thrive in different work environments but 100% just being Austistic is ( I feel ) grounds to fear working , or want to avoid it altogether. Money makes the world go around though and we have to have money to feed ourselves etc, so that also comes into play…

Ok I don't think I understand a lot about autism but I heard they are very smart specially with computers!

 

[melancholymallory03]

Literally. I don't get this either. I always thought that it was so weird how children were kicked out once they reached 18. At least my parents didn't, which is good, but I did go off to college. My mom is mad that I'm still living off of her and that I'm not independent, but why is there even an expectation to be independent? I don't want to have to be on my own

There should NOT be an expectation so soon, and she has a responsibility to bridge the gap and make the transition smooth for you as her mother. Geez Louise Why do people get upset they have to take care of their own children. ( another topic tho ) Maybe tell her this could be endangerment because your mental healths also could be a bit unpredictable. She sounds super unfeeling , it would be hard to get through to her I assume… has she ever faced any hardships in her life that are similar to yours? Do you guys have much in common at all?

 

[Throwawayacc3]

You will have to or apply for disability you need some type of financial stability for you not for your parents! I think work is not that bad once you get used to it I don't know I guess you know you but than us but give yourself a try I think you can do more

You don't get that much. Minimum PIP for autism (level 1) here is about £300 a month. Even with mobolity issues it can go to £800 a month - it's all tax free but it's nothing. £800 a month lol - it's not even a studio (without bills!!).

 

[melancholymallory03]

Ok I don't think I understand a lot about autism but I heard they are very smart specially with computers!

Heheh I just have a lot of cycling special interests and no long term relationships
Also lots of meltdowns :( :( :( and sometimes publically , leading to isolation. And staying up later , researching more , thinking myself into holes and being prone to anxiety and depression.
I'm a freak

You don't get that much. Minimum PIP for autism (level 1) here is about £300 a month. Even with mobolity issues it can go to £800 a month - it's all tax free but it's nothing. £800 a month lol - it's not even a studio (without bills!!).

Where's you from if you don't mind me asking? Seems like the whole government united and said let's give them the bare minimum , and sign ….

 

[sserafim]

You don't get that much. Minimum PIP for autism (level 1) here is about £300 a month. Even with mobolity issues it can go to £800 a month - it's all tax free but it's nothing. £800 a month lol - it's not even a studio (without bills!!).

I have autism level 1 and I'm in the US. I don't know how much you would get for it over here

 

[Throwawayacc3]

There should NOT be an expectation so soon, and she has a responsibility to bridge the gap and make the transition smooth for you as her mother. Geez Louise Why do people get upset they have to take care of their own children. ( another topic tho ) Maybe tell her this could be endangerment because your mental healths also could be a bit unpredictable. She sounds super unfeeling , it would be hard to get through to her I assume… has she ever faced any hardships in her life that are similar to yours? Do you guys have much in common at all?

If you heard some of the previous stories… her mum is some work. Her mum likes to partake in strangling as well - I wouldn't be surprised if she killed someone just for money and status.

 

[sserafim]

There should NOT be an expectation so soon, and she has a responsibility to bridge the gap and make the transition smooth for you as her mother. Geez Louise Why do people get upset they have to take care of their own children. ( another topic tho ) Maybe tell her this could be endangerment because your mental healths also could be a bit unpredictable. She sounds super unfeeling , it would be hard to get through to her I assume… has she ever faced any hardships in her life that are similar to yours? Do you guys have much in common at all?

I'm not sure if she's faced any hardships in her life, but I think so? We don't have much in common. She questions if I'm even/really her daughter because she says that we just seem so different. We've never been close

 

[melancholymallory03]

Ok I don't think I understand a lot about autism but I heard they are very smart specially with computers!

But honestly I think some autistic people are amazing with technology!!! It's a little upsetting to me sometimes though when people say we are especially gifted , only because one been undermined and dismissed by many therapists arguing me to think myself out of mental health crisis , or saying I don't even need my own medication that helps me because I must be smart " enough to not take it. And my iq is just average I believe …. People with autism can also have trouble perceiving people , understand sarcasm and social cues etc so we can be rude by accident lol or seem kinda flat other times

 

[sserafim]

If you heard some of the previous stories… her mum is some work. Her mum likes to partake in strangling as well - I wouldn't be surprised if she killed someone just for money and status.

She's an enabler of abuse. I don't know why she joined in, as my dad started it. Maybe she got swept in?

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Heheh I just have a lot of cycling special interests and no long term relationships
Also lots of meltdowns :( :( :( and sometimes publically , leading to isolation. And staying up later , researching more , thinking myself into holes and being prone to anxiety and depression.
I'm a freak

Where's you from if you don't mind me asking? Seems like the whole government united and said let's give them the bare minimum , and sign ….

UK. Sserafim will be the same as me (level 1) and PiP is benefits for disabilities however they have a grading system - max payout isn't that much. Other benefits are for housing and other stuff but you only get that if you've come fresh off a boat and are a "refugee". Every country in Europe is a war zone apparently but the UK is the first safest country….. maybe it's because we hand out benefits like candy to these people but say F off to people who live here.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I never had an answer to that question because I never wanted to be anything. I never even wanted to grow up, but sadly I did. I wish that I had died when I was younger. I really feel like I was meant to

Big mood. Why is this even a question honestly ? They are imposing on us so young like let us exist before we have to carry the weight of the world…… I wish peoples worth wasn't defined by what they have to bring to the table in life….

 

[Throwawayacc3]

She's an enabler of abuse. I don't know why she joined in, as my dad started it. Maybe she got swept in?

Yeah it's both your parents I just didn't want to do a case study to show to Mallory . It's all fucked up regardless.

Big mood. Why is this even a question honestly ? They are imposing on us so young like let us exist before we have to carry the weight of the world…… I wish peoples worth wasn't defined by what they have to bring to the table in life….

Nearly all boomers/gen X are extremely narcissistic. This is why money and status is their number 1 priority.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'm not sure if she's faced any hardships in her life, but I think so? We don't have much in common. She questions if I'm even/really her daughter because she says that we just seem so different. We've never been close

Try to dig some of this up. It may be hard but …. Sometimes you have to explore people's darkest memories to truly understand them. Very rarely is someone a true psychopath , I heard only 1% of the population is. Of course many have dark triad traits I've heard? But maybe try to break her down with as much persistence of focus on her, ignorant kindness :) , and being a mind fuck as much as possible. I'm sure she has faced something she's burying, we all have pain I think somewhere…. Some just have more walls up than the Grand Canyon. Hopefully some valuable time spent investigating her life you could gather some stuff on her and work towards breaking her down. Seems like she's already tried to do that with you… maybe worth a shot? Damned if you do or don't :0 :3..

 

[sserafim]

Yeah it's both your parents I just didn't want to do a case study to show to Mallory . It's all fucked up regardless.

Nearly all boomers/gen X are extremely narcissistic. This is why money and status is their number 1 priority.

Asian parents are fucked up in general. Mine aren't even that bad compared to the ones in r/AsianParentStories. Other people have it much worse than me. Asian parents are especially narcissistic