Venting My mom wants me to be “productive”

[sserafim]

My mom wants me to be "productive". She says that "this is no way to live" for her (me living off of her for the rest of her life) and she didn't envision her life to be like this. Either I apply for the autism job search/career program, or she evicts and (legally) severs ties with me (she gave me an eviction letter in February but she hasn't acted on it yet). I'm backed into a corner. Should I just bite the bullet and do it? I guess my time as a NEET will have to come to an end…ugh. I should be panicking right now but I don't feel anything at all. I think I've become completely apathetic to everything

 

[offbalance]

It's really up to you. Do you feel fully ready?

 

[underscore_nine]

That sounds like a really rough situation. One of my worst fears as-well so I can't give much in terms of advice. Only my best wishes anon. I hope you find a way to work this out and get a job/place to stay desu.

 

[sserafim]

It's really up to you. Do you feel fully ready?

I meant "do it" as in apply for the program and be forced to work aka be a slave to capitalism. It seems like the least of all evils. Ctb could go wrong; it's so risky and I'm honestly scared of attempting

 

[offbalance]

I meant "do it" as in apply for the program and be forced to get a job aka be a slave to capitalism. It seems like the lesser of all evils. Ctb could go wrong, it's so risky and I'm honestly scared of attempting

It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice which is awful for you and I'm sorry. Maybe being a slave to capitalism will make you even more ready to CTB. Or stuff could go really right and you meet someone at your job who motivates you to live.
Or you could apply for disability, there's lawyers out there who will help you win your case. But you need to prove you've tried treatment and stuff.

 

[melancholymallory03]

My mom wants me to be "productive". She says that "this is no way to live" for her (me living off of her for the rest of her life) and she didn't envision her life to be like this. Either I apply for the autism job search/career program, or she evicts and (legally) severs ties with me (she gave me an eviction letter in February but she hasn't acted on it yet). I'm backed into a corner. Should I just bite the bullet and do it? I guess my time as a NEET will have to come to an end…ugh. I should be panicking right now but I don't feel anything at all. I think I've become completely apathetic to everything

Wtf…. It's always interesting to me how people expect people with higher functioning autism to just go out and get a job but they wouldn't tell someone with a physical disability to just get a job. How do you feel about moving out , are you scared or happy to leave her? , or bittersweet?

I hope you find freedom from this cruel nightmare you're in...

Wtf…. It's always interesting to me how people expect people with higher functioning autism to just go out and get a job but they wouldn't tell someone with a physical disability to just get a job. How do you feel about moving out , are you scared or happy to leave her? , or bittersweet?

I hope you find freedom from this cruel nightmare you're in...

I'd argue with her that no way is any way to live.
How are any of us supposed to be living….. life is so meaningless ….. :(::(

 

[sserafim]

Wtf…. It's always interesting to me how people expect people with higher functioning autism to just go out and get a job but they wouldn't tell someone with a physical disability to just get a job. How do you feel about moving out , are you scared or happy to leave her? , or bittersweet?

I hope you find freedom from this cruel nightmare you're in...

I'd argue with her that no way is any way to live.
How are any of us supposed to be living….. life is so meaningless ….. :(::(

My mom says that if I don't want to work, then I should just go on disability, and I should and will be the responsibility of the state. I won't be her responsibility anymore. She already says that she has no more legal obligation to me (since I'm over 18). She doesn't even think that I'm disabled though because it's invisible; I'm not physically disabled. She says that I "have legs and arms" and that I "can and know to eat", so I can work. I don't know why she holds me to the same standards as everyone else; I literally have high functioning autism. I feel like her culture is very insensitive to and not understanding of those with neurodivergences (we're Asian). She says "look at all of those autistic people who are working! Why can't you? You should too!"

 

[calebzz1]

I would say try your best and go for it, may be an unpopular opinion I know.

If you can't do it then at least your mom will understand that you tried and have greater sympathy you know?

Where is your PFP from by the way?

 

[melancholymallory03]

It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice which is awful for you and I'm sorry. Maybe being a slave to capitalism will make you even more ready to CTB. Or stuff could go really right and you meet someone at your job who motivates you to live.
Or you could apply for disability, there's lawyers out there who will help you win your case. But you need to prove you've tried treatment and stuff.

Disability isn't enough to live off usually. Depending on the cost of living and rent where you're from, usually people in Ontario can get 1,300$ a month for disability. But then 1000 is spent on rent right? …. All the places here are 900-1000 -2000 for a comfortable living situation …… then you have the cost of food…. The cost of clothing…… transportation if you don't drive ….. and hygiene or any needed cleaning products./: life is just cruel and unfair . Disability dosent cut it I promise , unless you are on veterans affairs maybe….. or something very extreme happened …. But even stories I've seen And heard of veterans still being homeless….. and people who are severely disabled , still barely being able to make ends meet. It's a cruel cruel world we live in, this life is very sad……

 

[Throwawayacc3]

It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice which is awful for you and I'm sorry. Maybe being a slave to capitalism will make you even more ready to CTB. Or stuff could go really right and you meet someone at your job who motivates you to live.
Or you could apply for disability, there's lawyers out there who will help you win your case. But you need to prove you've tried treatment and stuff.

Her mum is wealthy and has an EMPTY FUCKING FLAT. It's bloody maddening listening to what is going on. Her mum could ask her to live in the flat, rent it out, sell it and try doing something else but no - she has to work for some random fuck head/company with no future prospects and suffer because her mum is ….. she really a C U N…… just hearing these stories gets me angry.

 

[melancholymallory03]

My mom says that if I don't want to work, then I should just go on disability, and I should be the responsibility of the state. She doesn't even think that I'm disabled though because I'm not physically disabled. She says that I "have legs and arms" and that I "can and know to eat", so I can work. I don't know why she holds me to the same standards as everyone else; I literally have high functioning autism. I feel like her culture is very insensitive to and not understanding of those with neurodivergences (we're Asian)

I'm so sorry this is not what you need right now at all…. Wtf………
As someone on disability , I'm not sure where you are from. I am still barely making ends meet and I have to engage in SW for survival. I wish you the best and for her to open her mind and begin her growth

 

[sserafim]

Her mum is wealthy and has an EMPTY FUCKING FLAT. It's bloody maddening listening to what is going on. Her mum could ask her to live in the flat, rent it out, sell it and try doing something else but no - she has to work for some random fuck head/company with no future prospects and suffer because her mum is ….. she really a C U N…… just hearing these stories gets me angry.

She wants me to work and "do what [I'm] supposed to do" (aka be a slave to capitalism for the rest of my life), or leave. She said that she's not going to allow me to live off of her for the rest of her life, and she doesn't even want to be with me anyways. I told her that I want to ctb and she wants me to give her a timeframe for when I will ctb because she honestly wants me gone. She says that she doesn't like living with me because I "bring down the mood" and make her "depressed". She says that she feels "sad" with me here. She thinks that I'm invading her space and encroaching on her territory. She says that I "have no right to be here" and that I have to obey her rules because it's her house

 

[melancholymallory03]

My mom says that if I don't want to work, then I should just go on disability, and I should and will be the responsibility of the state. I won't be her responsibility anymore. She already says that she has no more legal obligation to me (since I'm over 18). She doesn't even think that I'm disabled though because it's invisible; I'm not physically disabled. She says that I "have legs and arms" and that I "can and know to eat", so I can work. I don't know why she holds me to the same standards as everyone else; I literally have high functioning autism. I feel like her culture is very insensitive to and not understanding of those with neurodivergences (we're Asian). She says "look at all of those autistic people who are working! Why can't you? You should too!"

You're mom not understand the different flavours of autism

Like sorry I'm no Einstein mom….. he was cool tho

 

[Malaria]

I'm not sure what to say to this except that I'm sorry you're going through all this and I hope your situation improves.

 

[offbalance]

She wants me to work and "do what I'm supposed to do" (aka be a slave to capitalism), or leave. She said that she's not going to allow me to live off of her for the rest of my life, and she doesn't even want to be with me anyways. I told her that I want to ctb and she wants me to give her a timeframe for when I will ctb because she honestly wants me gone. She says that she doesn't like living with me because I "bring down the mood" and make her "depressed". She says that she feels sad with me here. She thinks that I'm invading her space and encroaching on her territory. She says that I "have no right to be here".

Yeah she does sound like a bitch and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. As far as the other posters in this thread I know disability doesn't pay very much but if you can get on section 8 that would help

 

[sserafim]

You're mom not understand the different flavours of autism

Like sorry I'm no Einstein mom….. he was cool tho

She wants me to be productive and successful so she can have someone to take care of her in old age. She also wants me to be independent and support myself because I guess that's what she was taught? She was self-sufficient/independent at a young age. She left home for college, went to another country afterwards and then came to the US. She says that she doesn't live with or off of her mom, but I told her that we're at completely different stages of life

 

[Tact]

If you have some way to get some outside help (again, I don't know your situation), try at least to get geographically away from what's causing you pain. If you have any friends you can count on, find them and stay for bit. Then debrief from there?

But if that's not possible, try another way for relief (I'm not sure what could help though, to be honest).

Given your mother said she would be glad if you died, maybe the best way to spite her would be to prove her wrong.

Random thoughts I have, take with salt as always.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

She wants me to work and "do what I'm supposed to do" (aka be a slave to capitalism), or leave. She said that she's not going to allow me to live off of her for the rest of my life, and she doesn't even want to be with me anyways. I told her that I want to ctb and she wants me to give her a timeframe for when I will ctb because she honestly wants me gone. She says that she doesn't like living with me because I "bring down the mood" and make her depressed. She thinks that I'm invading her space

I said it previously but you need to keep lots of information to yourself as that generation can't take it. Now that it's basically scorched earth (I did say she would take about drugs, sectioning, etc) but she'll pulled out EVICTION. To me that's even worse - it's saying I don't give a fuck so fuck off.
Try the route of living in that flat - she still pays for all the stuff but you have your own space. You have the same stuff as me (autism, Virgo, etc) and own space is what I want. I'd rather be depressed in my own space than here (having my dog is an outlier so it's not the same). You can't reason with her anymore. She already mentioned the flat and living by yourself - just do that and she pays for it and say you need time to figure things out (or just make something up) - making something up becuase the situation is so extreme and stress/anxiety inducing you'll probably die internally from the constant battles.

 

[melancholymallory03]

She wants me to be productive and successful so she can have someone to take care of her in old age. She also wants me to be independent and support myself because I guess that's what she was taught? She says that she doesn't live with or off of her mom, but I told her that we're at completely different stages of life

My goodness. She sounds dense I'm sorry, my mom is too. They can't see how unhelpful these comments they are making are ….like?
You guys are at completely different stages of life, why can't she see that wtf. . . . Maybe you're not the one who needs help lol.
I'm so sorry she sounds constantly invalidating, and dismissive. This would drive me mad. It seems like a catch 22 though the situation you're in , like you're damned if you leave , damned if you don't :3

 

[Throwawayacc3]

She wants me to be productive and successful so she can have someone to take care of her in old age. She also wants me to be independent and support myself because I guess that's what she was taught? She was self-sufficient/independent at a young age. She left home for college, went to another country afterwards and then came to the US. She says that she doesn't live with or off of her mom, but I told her that we're at completely different stages of life

Successful is subjective. What if you become a successful bin collector? Her ego is through the roof.

 

[sserafim]

I said it previously but you need to keep lots of information to yourself as that generation can't take it. Now that it's basically scorched earth (I did say she would take about drugs, sectioning, etc) but she'll pulled out EVICTION. To me that's even worse - it's saying I don't give a fuck so fuck off.
Try the route of living in that flat - she still pays for all the stuff but you have your own space. You have the same stuff as me (autism, Virgo, etc) and own space is what I want. I'd rather be depressed in my own space than here (having my dog is an outlier so it's not the same). You can't reason with her anymore. She already mentioned the flat and living by yourself - just do that and she pays for it and say you need time to figure things out (or just make something up) - making something up becuase the situation is so extreme and stress/anxiety inducing you'll probably die internally from the constant battles.

She wants to rent that apartment out she was talking about it recently

Successful is subjective. What if you become a successful bin collector? Her ego is through the roof.

She wanted me to be either a doctor or lawyer. Successful isn't subjective to Asian parents. It's having a high paying job that has prestige and a positive reputation so they can brag to their colleagues about how accomplished their kid is

 

[Throwawayacc3]

My goodness. She sounds dense I'm sorry, my mom is too. They can't see how unhelpful these comments they are making are ….like?
You guys are at completely different stages of life, why can't she see that wtf. . . . Maybe you're not the one who needs help lol.
I'm so sorry she sounds constantly invalidating, and dismissive. This would drive me mad. It seems like a catch 22 though the situation you're in , like you're damned if you leave , damned if you don't :3

She's an absolute nut. I'd thought she would say more pills or section her….. she pulls out an eviction notice lmao. Even I didn't see that coming. She's off her rocker.

 

[sserafim]

She's an absolute nut. I'd thought she would say more pills or section her….. she pulls out an eviction notice lmao. Even I didn't see that coming. She's off her rocker.

She gave the eviction letter to me in February so she says that she can evict me whenever she wants to. She uses this to threaten me into doing what she wants me to do. I was basically served a carte blanche

 

[Malaria]

One other thing I'll say is that I too have experience with my family wanting to get me evicted. And that was a pretty traumatic experience too. I was physically disabled when that happened. It still haunts me to this day. Hang in there.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

She wants to rent that apartment out she was talking about it recently

She wanted me to be either a doctor or lawyer

My god wtf is going on. I'm sure that was last week or so she said you can live in it. Now it's being rented? She's got massive problems. What a cunt of a person. Like seriously.

Yeah I don't know. Whatever you say will just anger her. She doesn't do logic or reasoning. Just you'll be a doctor and become a therapist - quickest and easiest one to do. Troll the fuck out of her.

One other thing I'll say is that I too have experience with my family wanting to get me evicted. And that was a pretty traumatic experience too. I was physically disabled when that happened. It still haunts me to this day. Hang in there.

People like this need to be completely eviscerated…….

 

[melancholymallory03]

She's an absolute nut. I'd thought she would say more pills or section her….. she pulls out an eviction notice lmao. Even I didn't see that coming. She's off her rocker.

I hope she finds understanding one way or the other. This is no way to treat a child that is your responsibility. She made you, it's her job to keep you safe, isn't it?…

 

[sserafim]

My god wtf is going on. I'm sure that was last week or so she said you can live in it. Now it's being rented? She's got massive problems. What a cunt of a person. Like seriously.

Yeah I don't know. Whatever you say will just anger her. She doesn't do logic or reasoning. Just you'll be a doctor and become a therapist - quickest and easiest one to do. Troll the fuck out of her.

People like this need to be completely eviscerated…….

She commented about me going to live there before, but she first of all wants to rent it out. She talked about it today

 

[Malaria]

People like this need to be completely eviscerated…….

I'd go into detail but I don't feel safe openly admitting what happened in a public space. Just all I'll say is that I'm traumatized and hurt so much...

 

[sserafim]

I hope she finds understanding one way or the other. This is no way to treat a child that is your responsibility. She made you, it's her job to keep you safe, isn't it?…

I told her that she had a responsibility to me, but she said only until 18. She said that I'm an adult (I'm 23), so I can fend for myself and she has no legal responsibility to me anymore. She says that I'm supposed to be independent and on my own, and she's mad that I'm not

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'd go into detail but I don't feel safe openly admitting what happened in a public space. Just all I'll say is that I'm traumatized and hurt so much...

Wishing you peace