Monday is my deadline

[Anarchy]

I have to go now Anarchy...but I am sure we will speak again later...thank you.

Thank you also.
It seems like I will be ending things sooner rather than later, but I will consider writing something before I go.
It was nice speaking to you.
See you.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I haven't set a specific date for a long while, because I was scared of backing out. Ideally, I would like to attempt before Monday, but I need everyone else to be out of the house. My dad works on weekdays, so it's more likely that I'd be left home alone then.
I'd have to rely on my sister and mother going out, though.
At the moment, I'm not scared about the possibility of being maimed.

The thing that is making me most nervous, is that I can't pick a specific time and it's hard to mentally prepare, because I don't known when I will be left alone.

I'm going to bring my tablet with me and listen to music, and hopefully that will make it more bearable.

I'm looking forward to being home alone.

I feel calm in a way that I don't think I have before. I'm a bit worried that I'll be scared when I attempt, and that consequently, I will be unsure about it.
But I feel very certain about it right now.
It should all end in a few days, max.
I haven't written a note, but I might do.

Now to enjoy what should be my last moments. I want to be able to feel like I'm ready to go at any time.

I know what you mean, I recently moved out (I lived with my little brother) I live alone now and that makes preparing so much easier.

 

[medusa]

Please don't jump in front of a train. It's risky and you could end up damaging yourself for life and getting saved

 

[Anarchy]

Please don't jump in front of a train. It's risky and you could end up damaging yourself for life and getting saved

If I thought like that, I would never attempt any method at all and would be forced to live a full life of suffering.

 

[medusa]

If I thought like that, I would never attempt any method at all and would be forced to live a full life of suffering.

true enough, but there are other better methods that don't put you at risk of losing your legs or arms.

 

[Anarchy]

true enough, but there are other better methods that don't put you at risk of losing your legs or arms.

Every method has risks. I've chosen the most reliable method that's available to me.
It's decided. If you really don't like the train method, then don't use it, but please respect that some people do use it, and that it is just as valid as any other method.

 

[throwaway123]

How fast is your train? A passenger or cargo train? Is it a secluded area? At what time will you do it? How long will it take you to get there? How did you manage to overcome your survival instinct?/What was your last straw?

 

[lv-gras]

Some links that might be interesting or helpful to people,

If this is hijacking your post, anarchy, just say and will take it down

https://anautismobserver.wordpress.com/
http://autisticadvocacy.org/resources/

 

[Anarchy]

How fast is your train? A passenger or cargo train? Is it a secluded area? At what time will you do it? How long will it take you to get there? How did you manage to overcome your survival instinct?/What was your last straw?

I have no idea how fast it is. I can't find out anywhere. It doesn't seem to be move incredibly fast, but it seems to have a decent speed nonetheless.
It's a passenger train.
It will take me between five and ten minutes to walk there.
Nothing significant happened to allow me to 'overcome' it. I'd like to say with certainty that I've overcome it, but of course things will be different when I get there. I imagine that I will be terrified.
I've spent a lot of my time reading news articles about suicides. That has been comforting for me, because the suicide is reported in a detached view and focuses on the facts, so it seems less like a tragedy and more like an uncommon but not unheard of incident.
I was scared of failing, but I figure that either way, I will probably die; if not from the initial impact, then from the blood loss.
It is in a fairly secluded area. The tracks are away from the station; they pass through some fields. I imagine that it'd be harder for emergency services to access than a station.
I've been down to the fields quite a lot, whilst on walks with the dog. So, it's a familiar place, which I find better.
I don't imagine that I'd be conscious after being hit.
This is idealistic thinking, but I tell myself that if I end up completely maimed in hospital, I can appeal for euthanasia as I will probably have terminal problems, or ask the doctor to let me die.
I think that idealistic thinking can help. Even if it isn't true, if it gets me to attempt, then that's good.
I also tell myself that I will be reincarnated which would seem completely pletely delusional to me before, but it just seems comforting now that I am near death.
I figure, worst case scenario, I have my life shortened considerably and I wouldn't be ignored.
It's comforting to think that it will make everything right if I survive and that people will start to care about me more.
I'm at the point where I'd tell myself that my suicide would save the human race, it that would help me to attempt.
I find it quite exciting to 'take fate into my own hands', I guess.
I feel so groggy and awful all the time, that death seems very comforting.
I used to think that it was really tragic and that nobody else would ever be the same as me and all that, but now that I'm in a more detached mindset, I view myself as one of many, many people who take their lives. I tell myself that my death only seems tragic to me at times because I'm living it, and that practically every single person who killed themselves thought that it was tragic, and that it doesn't indicate lost potential - it just indicates a person's struggle against the survival instinct.

 

[Anarchy]

Some links that might be interesting or helpful to people,

If this is hijacking your post, anarchy, just say and will take it down

https://anautismobserver.wordpress.com/
http://autisticadvocacy.org/resources/

Thanks.

 

[Death_From_Above]

I have no idea how fast it is. I can't find out anywhere. It doesn't seem to be move incredibly fast, but it seems to have a decent speed nonetheless.
It's a passenger train.
It will take me between five and ten minutes to walk there.
Nothing significant happened to allow me to 'overcome' it. I'd like to say with certainty that I've overcome it, but of course things will be different when I get there. I imagine that I will be terrified.
I've spent a lot of my time reading news articles about suicides. That has been comforting for me, because the suicide is reported in a detached view and focuses on the facts, so it seems less like a tragedy and more like an uncommon but not unheard of incident.
I was scared of failing, but I figure that either way, I will probably die; if not from the initial impact, then from the blood loss.
It is in a fairly secluded area. The tracks are away from the station; they pass through some fields. I imagine that it'd be harder for emergency services to access than a station.
I've been down to the fields quite a lot, whilst on walks with the dog. So, it's a familiar place, which I find better.
I don't imagine that I'd be conscious after being hit.
This is idealistic thinking, but I tell myself that if I end up completely maimed in hospital, I can appeal for euthanasia as I will probably have terminal problems, or ask the doctor to let me die.
I think that idealistic thinking can help. Even if it isn't true, if it gets me to attempt, then that's good.
I also tell myself that I will be reincarnated which would seem completely pletely delusional to me before, but it just seems comforting now that I am near death.
I figure, worst case scenario, I have my life shortened considerably and I wouldn't be ignored.
It's comforting to think that it will make everything right if I survive and that people will start to care about me more.
I'm at the point where I'd tell myself that my suicide would save the human race, it that would help me to attempt.
I find it quite exciting to 'take fate into my own hands', I guess.
I feel so groggy and awful all the time, that death seems very comforting.
I used to think that it was really tragic and that nobody else would ever be the same as me and all that, but now that I'm in a more detached mindset, I view myself as one of many, many people who take their lives. I tell myself that my death only seems tragic to me at times because I'm living it, and that practically every single person who killed themselves thought that it was tragic, and that it doesn't indicate lost potential - it just indicates a person's struggle against the survival instinct.

A train doesn't have to be very fast, the momentum is still massive and you have physics on your side

 

[lv-gras]

also

https://web.archive.org/web/2010080...esistance.blogspot.com/search/label/anarchism

 

[lv-gras]

.

 

[FairyAlys]

England.

Oh I feel for you. I support people with LD , some of whom have ASD. There are some brilliant places around the country but they are few and far between. I completely understand how let down and isolated you feel. Your posts are so articulate and expressive , it makes me so sad that you are here at only 16. You have a lot to offer, if only you could receive the right support.

 

[medusa]

A train doesn't have to be very fast, the momentum is still massive and you have physics on your side

Actually if the train is too he slow he will not die.
There may be statistics on this.

 

[Death_From_Above]

40kmph plus should have a high chance of being fatal anything over exponentially guarantees the outcome

 

[Morning Angel]

Rest In Peace.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Just lay your head across the track then the speed won´t matter at all because it will just decapitate you.