Introduce yourself

[daley]

Hello, I took this name because samsara was already taken, it means sky burial. Anyways, I looked for this forum strictly for ctb (i don't even know what this acronym stands for) but now feeling better after going through various posts. I was not planning to switch the lights off as of now, I will not until I achieve my goal or fail trying, Its just the information available here empowers me that there is a way out. (I have a disability) till now from what I have read the members here are quite non judgemental and understand the pain of my life. looking forward to interacting with everyone.

Hi Bya,

CTB stands for "Catch The Bus". Its a metaphor relating forums like SS to a bus stop where we are waiting, until we presumably exit.
I am also new here. This is my first post. I am surprised by the amount of rules and terminology.
Anyway, I hope you will feel welcome here.

 

[justanothernobody]

Hi everyone.
I am from south america (spanish speaker) and in my late 20s. I have never been the happiest person around, not even in my earliest childhood. Lately, my dark thoughts have been growing louder and louder, without an end in sight. Each week I tell myself that I will not be able to survive another one, but I still end up doing nothing. This went on for some time until I just had to do something, and after some research I found this site, and it has been one of the most liberating feelings ever. I still do not know if I will actually ctb one day, but it honestly feels like a matter of when and not if. This I have known for as long as I have had a memory. I will see you around.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Hey, all. 29/M. Long time lurker (Almost a year). I decided to finally make an account. I'm new to posting on forums/message boards. MDD, GAD, PTSD & Bipolar. Extensive history of trauma, abuse and abandonment issues. Used this site for CTB methods/advice in the past, all of which failed, unfortunately. Hoping to get the courage to CTB in the future.

 

[Meteora]

Welcome @DeathWish3301. Guess you re in good company here....

 

[DeathWish3301]

@Meteora It's nice to be among similar minds in a pro choice environment. Thanks for having me.

 

[aidic]

Hi,
I'm so relieved to know there really is a safe place to talk freely about the troubles this life throws at us. I'm 33F and for the last five years or so I (mostly) stopped censoring myself when it comes to revealing my true feelings about depression, isolation, suicidal ideation and confusion about why the hell we're here. To my surprise, a lot of people don't care about the bluntness, including my own family doctor and "professionals" I have spoken with. I think we are living in a time where there is unprecedented burnout in society and where a lot of people are only barely hanging on... but few want to talk about it. Living in a state of dissociation is the only way a lot of people, including myself, can survive. Many people do care though, and censorship is at an all-time high. It's such a disquieting thing, to see that yes, society has progressed a lot in the last 50 years, but still being too frank about how dark life is will get you banned, removed or stifled creatively.

I'm just tired. But glad to be here.

 

[mitchmidder]

hey there. just checking in for the first time as a registered user. nice to see people being so kind to each other speaking about these topics. usually there's so much rejection regarding this IRL, especially from friends and family. i come from south america like some people i've read here and it's pretty hard to cope with depression and suicidal thoughts, with the extras of living in the third world and the struggles that adds to. as you can see, my english is far from perfect, so i'll try my best to be understood when posting. be safe everyone!

 

[deathnoted]

hey.
I'm 20, I'm swedish and I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts on and off since I was 13. I will probably ctb in the upcoming days if successful. 've been lurking for a bit but since I've properly decided to ctb I decided to make an account as it's a little lonely not being able to share.
Thanks for approving my account :)

 

[ASp4E]

Hi everyone, it's nice to finally be here.

I have been lurking SaSu for a while now. Some of the conversations here have been incredibly interesting, and the atmosphere of being able to freely talk about CTB, right to die, and related topics felt so comforting even from a bystander's point of view. As I believe some would agree, just mentioning thinking about suicide in some places might lead to consequences as bad as an involuntary commitment/hold. And other consequences seem best not to be toyed with either. (I've read a lot of horrible experiences some people here have had. It's incredibly saddening if not infuriating the treatment they got.) So being in a place like this where you can just talk, with significantly less fear of backlash, lifts an enormous weight off one's shoulders. Hopefully it is not a mirage.

I want to make this opportunity count. Please feel free to let me know if you see something bad in my behavior or etiquette, or have any suggestions. While I do so wish to CTB, losing or harming the seemingly only place like this, is something I'd really want to avoid. Thank you for your patience, and for accepting my application.

 

[voideer]

Hello all,

I've been thinking about exiting for a while now. I hope this site help me get there.

 

[Twoheadedzombie]

Hey, Im Alex
Dont feel like delving into the heavy stuff here, so heres things I enjoy I guess?
Horror media, like in general, love horror podcasts, movies, books, art, etc. I enjoy art and occasionally making music. I also like video games, though ive been playing them less and less. Ive been learning french and german (french in school, german in uh..duolingo..) just to pass the time before I ctb.

 

[peacefulabyss89]

Hi everyone, I'm Hazel. I actually created an account a few years ago, but forgot my log-in and throwaway email- happily just found where I wrote them down and hidden them, so here is my "second" hello. I suffer from a very rare and severe neurological disease that has left me housebound for over a decade. Ever since the day I got sick, I have been overwhelmed by grief and sorrow and have thought of CTB-ing daily. Happy to be around people that understand again. Sending love to everyone from the abyss that is my existence.

That's that for the intro, but now I have a very, very silly question: Where is the search function? Unfortunately I have severe cognition problems because of my disease, and have been hunting all over the site for a half hour and cannot find it. Many thanks in advance.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Hi everyone, I'm Hazel. I actually created an account a few years ago, but forgot my log-in and throwaway email- happily just found where I wrote them down and hidden them, so here is my "second" hello. I suffer from a very rare and severe neurological disease that has left me housebound for over a decade. Ever since the day I got sick, I have been overwhelmed by grief and sorrow and have thought of CTB-ing daily. Happy to be around people that understand again. Sending love to everyone from the abyss that is my existence.

That's that for the intro, but now I have a very, very silly question: Where is the search function? Unfortunately I have severe cognition problems because of my disease, and have been hunting all over the site for a half hour and cannot find it. Many thanks in advance.

Welcome.... Sorry for your pain.
The search function is at the top right on the screen. (If you didn't find it already)

 

[MapleSyrupVein]

hiii im Syrup i found this place through a friend who is no longer suffering and wanted to see what they meant by this place helping them.. i want to be someone(whilst im here) that they can be proud of, so i hope i can pop up on your posts and give you something to smile at or at least you don't feel alone ^^

i love plants and cats and mircowave mash im a simple lady :3

i forgot to say more about me but i have BPD (Bipolar) and depression (obviously) and anxiety (the duo of depression it seems) i struggle a lot with social stuff and im on a three year (THREE YEAR!) wait list for autism. i have a small friend group that i might as well just say i sit in calls with them and they talk i listen? i had a FP but hes got a life now so i no longer have that connection with him and im currently waiting for when the next update of a game comes out before i head on out of this hell of a rock. (as much as i want to leave i really love and depended on this game for a while and i want to have this last thing :3)

i am new here recently joined today but i was in and out every once in a while and im a lil overwhelmed by how to use this place but i found the perfect way out for me and im extremely happy for this

 

[Custos]

I just created an account, suffer from OCD, including harm OCD, and a ton of other things. Thought I would join the community as it seems very open. Suppose I will create a more detailed post/thread when I feel up to it, but just saying hi for now.

 

[NonameNobody]

Hello. I joined here a while ago, but have been only lurking so far. I'm not sure what to write, brain fog and overthinking makes it hard to know what to say. My life is a mess. Everything is falling apart and all I can do is watch it burn down. For whatever reason I'm unable to function like a normal capable adult, and I'm terrified of the future, I have no reliable security, and every year is worse than the previous. I'm losing hope. I have no energy to keep fighting for survival. Existence is extremely exhausting, and it's getting harder over time. For now I keep going, but I've chosen my CTB method and prepared some supplies if/when I ever decide enough is enough. Though I still need to educate myself more. It's comforting to know there will be an end to all this suffering. Im very glad that such an understanding and validating community exists.

 

[hachiware]

Hi everyone! I'm new here. It's nice to know that there's a place to talk about this sort of stuff. Sorry if my English doesn't sound natural, it's not my native language.

 

[katyusha_kat]

Hello, everyone. I've lurked SaSu for some time, but only recently decided to start posting. I've never been the most cheerful person, and I think to some degree I've always been passively suicidal, but lately life has become very difficult and I've decided to start thinking more seriously about planning my exit. Twelve years of work and experience has been destroyed for me thanks to the Feds' decision to raise interest rates. I used to underwrite mortgages, and while it wasn't my first choice of occupation, it paid the bills and allowed me a reasonably comfortable lifestyle (I don't require much "comfort" thankfully). Now it is unlikely that I will ever work in that field again. I have a two-year degree and am currently trying to complete a four-year degree that probably won't be worth the paper it's printed on, but apparently not having a four-year degree is compounding my work difficulties. I have no partner, so I don't have anyone I can rely on. My last layoff destroyed my liquid and illiquid assets. When I was able to find a full-time job again, it was at 1/2 of the salary I used to make, necessitating me having to get a second job. I eventually gave up my apartment and moved back in with my mom, who then promptly decided to stop working, so....yeah.

Now I exhaust myself by working a terrible retail job while putting myself through school and in general hating my existence. I go to bed tired and wake up tired. It seems like I'm always physically and mentally tired, and I'm tired of being tired. I'm glad this place exists to talk with other people who may feel similarly.

 

[peacefulabyss89]

Welcome.... Sorry for your pain.
The search function is at the top right on the screen. (If you didn't find it already)

Oh my goodness, thank you! I have no idea why it wasn't showing up before. And thank you very much for your kind words as well.

 

[douasoapte]

Hi, I'm Alex. I'm grateful to have found this forum as society completely rejects us even mentioning our true feelings and thoughts, stigmatizing and labeling everything and fixing it only on the surface for the appearance's sake. Offering instead this "support system" that is kin to make matters worse. Hurting our loved ones by seeing us like this and not knowing how to "help". We only end up drifting more away…
I have been depressed for most of my life, it was a slow downfall ever since my childhood… We seem to be some experiments going through this tumultuous so called life, we become more of a shell as time passes.
I wonder when enough will be enough, I wonder if we can ever actually make decisions for ourselves without having to follow this joke of mass control.

 

[kyhoti]

Hello, Kyhoti here. Just for initial clarity, my handle sounds out as "Coyote", as in Wily Coyote the cartoon. No matter how many times I get blown up, I keep surviving. Glad to be here. Its refreshing to see honest discussion of the taboo subjects; I'm so tired of the panicked reaction when I tell "trusted" people what's really going on. Thanks for having me!

 

[howlercoaster]

I am the self alienation. I am thonker, the thinker of thoughts.

My feeling about reality varies in a range from playing Liana Flores - Rises The Moon on my guitar to social darwinism, and it hurts to not holding a stable idea about things and feeling i have to keep my head in a dog collar. This is a rollercoaster of thoughts and bad behaviors that in most recent times lead me to taking suicide seriously. I rarely interact in social communities since 2019, but its been interesting interacting here since i joined i think a week ago.

Fun facts:
- My last therapist simply doesnt believe in disorders. Althought i believe the aplication of these deserve a second analysis, i think it's kinda extreme and difficulted the things for me. His psychanalysis often felt like i have to lie to myself every session, and maybe half of the effectiveness relies on my capacity of suspending my own thinking for the sake of his.
- Not knowing what i think exactly about many topics hurts.
- I have a cat and passed some time that she doesnt was coming to home, but yesterday i cuddled her and i didnt remember she being so soft, it was nice. But now talking about it makes me think about the stigmatization of people based on their body, i am not kidding.
- I am subscribed to hotline volunteering. Is this a good idea? I don't know. I wanted to feel that i was helping someone. Waiting for them to start the course, but i wanna die.

 

[RURIRA]

Hi everyone, I'm new here but I'm going to leave soon. It seems like there's nothing much to say. I've prepared all the things I need for SN and I just want to leave this place as soon as possible... I think the only thing I want now is an eternal sleep without dreams.

 

[hao☆]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

hi, im mei.
i fuck things up big time, everything i touch fall apart and i can't keep up with pressure, everyday, stress, high expectations from people, my mind, but most of all, my fav thing is sleeping.

 

[rem2024]

Hello,

New member here. I picked rem from the anime series re:zero who dies a million times and comes back and starts over. This new season is going to be crazy!

I tried to commit suicide with my car in the garage first time for 3/4 hours of carbon monoxide poisoning didn't work, second time, I backed the car into garage and also did not work.

3rd time I bought charcoal, bought a small chimney, frying pan. And set it in my car, recorded my self, didn't die.

4th time, I bought a portable small grill, sat for another 3 hours, had charcoal grill going; and got interrupted by a dear friend, also got interrupted on first attempt to.

I have high functioning autism, can't hold a job, failed out of radiology school about month and half ago, can't make rent, been homeless, bullied and made fun of my whole life, never stopped while I was a Christian or not.

It's been terrible. I am 41 single female, no kids, no husband with two cats, looking at the sn way to finally take my life.

I am not brave enough to try the others after failing, don't want to be a vegetable.

But, I also love anime, scifi, play video games.

My existing here is to make the rich richer. They can't lock us all up, because no one would buy off amazon .

 

[Onelegman]

I didn't know this thread!

I am what I am, a man with one leg, because in my first suicide attempt at the age of 15 I jumped on my feet and also landed on my feet, which caused me to lose my leg, I would only have lost half of it if it had not become because in the hospital where I was admitted, the windows were open and the dust from the construction of the new maternity wing came in...

Now I am 36 and have 3 attempts behind me, I found this website in a Vice article if I remember correctly and since then I have entered every day, it has helped me meet some people and find the SN method, which is honestly a better proposal than going back to jump from the 7th floor.

I have been looking for a partner in Spain but so far it doesn't seem like I have had any luck. I have already ordered the NS, and I have the rest of the medications well stored waiting for the end of the month to come to make up an excuse and prepare for the inevitable

The people here are super friendly and considerate.

 

[pumpkinbeanz]

Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!

transmasc, active cutter, and animation student. i'm a leo, and i love animals. been actively mentally ill since 7 years old. 11 years later, i'm just as insane and willing to die.

 

[someplaceNice]

Hello!

My name's Josh, I'm 21 years old, and I suffer from social anxiety.

I discovered this forum about an hour ago, and from a very brief cursory read I feel a bit out of place, because social anxiety in comparison to the things members here have went through/experienced seems like nothing..., but I don't really have anyone I can confide in, to be vulnerable with, so I'm bringing my ass over here instead

I rely on a combination of drugs and alcohol whenever I anticipate interacting with anyone. Everything is fine and dandy when I'm on it, I know how to appear normal and not under the influence, but the inevitable comedown makes me extremely depressed, life looks bleak, and hope dwindles that there won't be a time where I don't have to rely on destructive substances in order to function in society.

I also have a tendency to self-sabotage, I have pushed away the small group of friends that I felt comfortable being vulnerable and have been vulnerable with.

People have been trying to form connections with me, but I always deflect and keep them distant, because I know they are only interested in this version of me that comes out only when I consume drugs. I can't be on drugs 24/7, so this idea that eventually they will meet the real me, the one that struggles to form coherent sentences, stutters and stumbles over their words, or have conversations that aren't surface level scares the living shit out of me.

I am slowly destroying my body, and it will be only a matter of time before these substances will be the end of me. And all because of social anxiety? It's pathetic.

There's so many other things I could talk about apart from this social aspect, but I feel like this post has lost all direction and structure, lol.

I'm not sure what I hope to gain with me being here, but we'll see. I'm evidently not the best conversationalist, but feel free to message me if you want to vent, or just someone to talk to. It'll probably be awkward, forced, and I probably won't be able to relate to you.

 

[youshallrideeternal]

Hi. I know I'm not supposed to give away personal details, so I'll try and be as broad and vague and non descriptive as possible, lol
Ok, I'm in my late 30s, male, I live alone with a cat (I love him but he can be a bit of a shit-bastard sometimes and I'm more of a dog person, lol). I live in a one bedroom social(government) housing apartment, I am person with a disability and have many, many disabilities, so that's fucking fun. Uuuummmmm, what else?; I have a background in theatre and film, but I'm not involved in any communities because this town, is, fucked, and I feel like no one wants me or cares about me to be involved. And, yeah, I don't know, what else to say. I think the rest is just the usual, I have hated how my last 30+ years have turned out, and I don't want to be this sad sack of useless wasting crap when I'm 50, so, yeah, I'm over it all, aye (you know the gist). Feel free to ask questions; I'll answer what I feel comfortable with and respectfully decline what I don't.
That's it for now, I guess.

 

[Tinkerer]

Hey, what's up. My name is Gally (or Tinkerer idgaf) I plan to moonwalk out of life with the CONFETTI CANNON OF DOOM, but not just yet. I've got all you guys to talk to first, right?