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Tinkerer

Tinkerer

Hand me my shovel!
Mar 5, 2024
8
Hey, what's up. My name is Gally (or Tinkerer idgaf) I plan to moonwalk out of life with the CONFETTI CANNON OF DOOM, but not just yet. I've got all you guys to talk to first, right?
 
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jarik

jarik

Student
Jun 12, 2024
161
Sono una persona introversa ed estroversa, mi piace chiacchierare e ascoltare gli altri. Mi sono imbattuto in questo sito tramite video di yt, e ne sono grato perché per me questo forum è una seconda famiglia
 
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Final_Choice

Final_Choice

Mage
Aug 3, 2023
516
Just realized I never made an intro.
Hey everyone, I'm a 21 year old computer science major in college wanting to die more than anything else. I like playing video games, reading light novels and manga, watching anime, hanging out with close friends, sleeping (a lot). I'm interested in certain computer science related fields like all types of automatas, reinforcement learning, deep learning, etc; and also other things like chemistry (mostly to see if I can find new methods), psychology, radiation (also for methods), and whatever other random stuff suddenly piques my interest. Due to abuse when I was a child and so-far incurable medical conditions I'll be CTBing around May or June 2025, till then I'll be around longing for death but at least making a last-ditch effort so that I'll be 100% that when I CTB I'm ready to die.
 
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mtnbeing

mtnbeing

Member
Jun 15, 2024
7
Happy to be here, officially! A lifetime of chronic SI, with a philosophical commitment to the R2D, as well as an unwavering commitment to normalizing discussions of S/SI. We all deserve support and compassion, especially when exploring the most honest, vulnerable parts of ourselves. This site has carried me through some of my darkest days in the past five years, and I am grateful to be a part of this community.
 
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lostyouinthestorm

lostyouinthestorm

an endless want
Jun 16, 2024
9
hello. just call me lost. i'm a 20 year old married transsexual man from canada. i'm chronically ill and disabled and have been severely mentally ill pretty much my whole life. i'm diagnosed with a lot, avpd, bpd, cluster a traits, did, c-ptsd, mdd, gad, sad, agoraphobia, panic disorder and an-r. i also have a fair bit of physical disabilities and deal with chronic pain. as a result, i am on disability and use a cane. i have been in therapy off and on since i was 9, medicated since i was 11, and am considered treatment resistant. i've dealt with suicidal thoughts/ideation from a very young age, and have made one "true" attempt when i was 14. i currently deal with self harm, anorexia and alcohol abuse. i truly wish to ctb, but my husband and cat keep me here. i know i will ctb one day, and i have some plans, but not a set date. going to keep riding the wave until it truly becomes too much. i'm just so tired of being in constant pain, having so much trauma, being stuck in poverty and being physically unable to do what i want in life, but i guess i have a little more fight in me.

on a lighter note;
i enjoy video games (BG3, F&H, many others), art, crochet and table top games (D&D, MTG)
i like black metal, doom metal, stoner metal, folk punk and witchhouse music
i have an interest in psychology, forensic pathology, and gaulish polytheism
i am a gaulish polytheistic pagan/witch but don't practice often
 
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Y

yearnforanescape

Member
May 13, 2019
8
Hi everyone
This is my very first post; I can't remember when I made this account.
I'm 40yrs old, with severe bipolar, and intermittent depression going back to when I was 10. How I wish I had C'dTB back then.
I don't know how to feel about being part of this forum. It's a bit dark, but then so am I. I'm really hoping for an alternative to hanging, because I feel it would be a terrifying way to go. I've bought SN twice in the past, but surrendered it both times. Now, in Aus, you need a poisons license to get it…
The best by far would be N. I just don't know if I can post enough to build up the required trust for someone to reach out.
I don't know what to do. I'm horrified by the thought that if I don't cyber, I might only be halfway through my life.
 
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Schnipsel

Schnipsel

Member
Jun 30, 2024
5
Hi,
I'm Schnipsel. I'm a 24 year old enby (they/them).
I read a lot, bake a lot and love good tea. I also play a lot of Sims.

I struggle with pretty immense gender dysphoria, ADHD based emotional dysregulation and sensory processing disorder, recurring depression and anxiety with dysphoria being my biggest struggle by far. Also some traumatic shit that happened to me over the years, but i dont feel like talking about that rn.

I've suffered from depressive episodes from about age 12 (at least that's the first time I remember, but I barely remember anything of my childhood so it may be wrong). In hindsight, that might have been gender dysphoria already, but who knows. Only publicly came out when I was 22, after a failed outing attempt 19 forced me back into the closet. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was about 14 and since that time I also started showing SH behavior that escalated over the years. Gender affirming care has made my dysphoria somewhat better but it's still so bad that my life feels like absolute horror most of the time, and no there's basically no recourse to improve my bodily dysphoria left to me anymore.
 
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HeroinTears

HeroinTears

My Life | ○ | ssǝlǝɟᴉ˥
Jun 10, 2023
51
Name/Nickname:
Angel, Angel Tears, Molly, HT, Tears, Hero

Age: 25

Likes: Making and listening to music, anime, RP, talking, cooking..

Dislikes: Fake and dishonest people, ghosting, abandonment, the sunlight

Bio: I have struggled with physical and mental health my entire life... Currently I find myself looking for friends I can hopefully call family ❤️

Gender: Genderfluid
Pronouns: they/them, she/her, he/him

Timezone: AST (UTC-4)

Language(s): English, Spanish
 
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T

teniralc21

Member
Nov 18, 2023
20
43F, USA. Just really struggling. Scared to say much more at this point.
 
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UnrulyNightmare

UnrulyNightmare

Member
Jul 3, 2024
15
Hello everyone,

I'm new here, obviously, haha..
I'm unrulynightmare, and very very tired of living.
While looking into things I found this place and the amount of support between members and the honest conversations shocked me!

All those things I have thought my entire life I had to keep hidden deep inside me, are openly discussed here. I found it so refreshing I joined to be able to freely discuss all those things the so called normal world isn't comfortable with. Normalizing talking about pain, depression, suicidal thoughts and things like that is important to me, and I hope to be able contribute to it here :)

I am into photography, drawing/painting, poetry.

I have two cats I love dearly, and I am desperately clinging to life for them, for now, no matter the pain it puts me through.

I hope to find here the friends and connections I can't have in real life due to not fitting in. Also it's hard to start any conversation if dying is constantly on your mind..
I am a big fan of humour and sarcasm to get me through each day.

Pleased to meet you.
 
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Ungie

Ungie

New Member
Jul 3, 2024
3
Hello, nice to meet you.

I was suicidal since 16 years, now I am close to mid-30s. I suspect I have some personality disorder because of bullying and abuse in my childhood, but I never was diagnosed with one, despite having several therapists over the course of my life.

I had to leave my home country because of the war. I live alone. Always wanted to have a happy relationship and a family with a girl and maybe even children, but I couldn't have it for various reasons, I guess mainly because of lack of male role model and gender nonconformity (I am pansexual, polyamorous and androgynous, I love cute pink clothes etc etc), and also I tend to attract traumatized people who can't bear long-term relationships. However, I was in a relationship with a girl for several years, but I had to suppress my gender identity and sexuality to keep it going.

I have set myself a "deadline" that if I will be nearing my 40s, I would like to CTB, because I don't want to become sad lonely middle-aged man, who slowly goes crazy living all by himself. I had some nice things that happened in my life, such as traveling, extreme sports, music festivals, some mystic spiritual experiences - so I guess I won't be regretful that I missed something in life except having a happy relationship and a family.

I love experimental music, independent cinema and anime. Big fan of Slowdive, I wish to visit their concert some day. Don't know what else to say. I wish happiness and peace of mind to everyone here, I am sure everybody here needs it.
 
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T

teniralc21

Member
Nov 18, 2023
20
I'm early 40's, female, USA. I suspect I have mild autism but never been evaluated. I've always had trouble with relationships with other people and the last few years have seen most of my friends end. My only family are my parents and they are what I am living for at this point.
 
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M

Musepi

Last Call
Jul 6, 2024
1
Hello, everyone!
I have been a lurker on this site for quite some time, and decided that it is time to make a proper account.
I'm unsure how much about myself I am really willing to share here yet, but that may change over time while I participate in discussions on the forum.
So while I won't reveal any real personal information yet, I am willing to share some (relatively) unimportant things about myself:

-I greatly enjoy reading, especially fantasy literature, with a focus on worldbuilding
-I have kept a large collection of houseplants ever since I was young, and really enjoy tending to them, especially my Tradescantia
-I love playing strategy games with "story generator" aspects, puzzle games and well-written visual novels
-Writing short philosophical texts has been a hobby of mine for a few years by now and I really like journaling, which I have been doing for even longer than that...

I am looking forward to exploring this forum as a proper member, and to engage in some of the discussions instead of merely being a quiet observer.
 
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F

flunkky

Heart soldier
Jul 6, 2024
10
I am new here, and currently undecided on what I want to pursue (as in life or death), but I came here because I wanted it to be an actual choice of my own. I have a cat and like playing horror games, my indecisiveness mostly comes from the cat. she's wonderfully behaved and just adorable, i'm sure my shitty family wouldn't care for her so i'm trying to figure that out. Besides that I hope to make up my mind here, as I have unsuccessfully tried a few things (no success due to a lack of actual in-depth research).
 
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bitofftoomuch

bitofftoomuch

hold onto those who accept your messy self
Jul 1, 2024
38
Well I guess the short version is that I'm a 28 year old lesbian with a history of interpersonal failures and am here after blowing what feels like the only real chance I ever got or ever will get at connecting with someone. I don't speak to my family and all I really have these days are a few shallow friendships, nobody who is genuinely close to me. I want to believe my luck will reverse, but my skepticism has me making preparations to ctb. I would like to be friends if anyone is up for it, because I still err on the side of hope despite everything.

Here is a bit more about my situation: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-blew-my-one-shot-at-happiness.171146/#post-2587218
 
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plast1c_sk1n

plast1c_sk1n

✘ no longer human ✘
Jul 4, 2024
2
Hello & nice to meet you :) You can call me Plastic, I'm 18 years old and honestly not doing too bad at the moment as I've just recently gotten out of a horribly toxic/emotionally abusive relationship and have been doing better ever since but who knows where life will lead me so might as well have this community for backup in case recovery doesn't end up going so well.
I love drawing, listening to music, gaming, and reading! My goal is to one day become a video games concept artist and will be going to college for animation starting this September ^^ I love classic literature, specifically those involving dark or dystopian themes. I'm currently reading The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde & my favourite book is No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai :)
I hope I can make some friends here, especially anyone with OCD, ARFID, or BPD as it's a bit lonely not knowing anybody else with these conditions and I'd love to have a friend who understands me
Have a wonderful day loves!
 
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1043169

1043169

I put the HOT in psychotic
Jul 9, 2024
92
Call me Cog, mid-30s. Two dogs, single, childless (and happy that way). Nagging dark feelings in me but I generally enjoy my life. Schizoaffective, anorexia, OCD, ADHD.

I get lonely and restless a lot. And stressed. Makes me binge eat or not eat or consider self harm or drink. Trying to replace some of that with the gym with little success.
 
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MyaMia

MyaMia

Member
Aug 21, 2023
5
I'm 30, from England. In a poly relationship but still feel lonely, likely got bpd. Waiting for the right time and more info before I try my ctb method. ✌️
 
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patricivselecta

patricivselecta

Member
Jul 9, 2024
8
Hello everyone let me share with you the introduction I just wrote in the "about section" of my profile.

Salve! (Good health!)
My name is Patricius and I am greatly inspired by our ancient roman heritage, be it culture, philosophy or religion.
I live a happy and struggling life, I give thanks for everything fate brings to me.

I am here because I'm a firm advocate for the right to die, without it life is indeed slavery.
I am also trying to advocate for the ancient roman custom of farewell parties before CTB, either online or if we can organize it, in person. I believe it greatly helps ease the soul: you may speak your mind, say your goodbyes, laugh and cry together, that you may go in peace.
If you're interested in the ancient roman religion, the Cultus Deorum Romanorum and general worldview or you just wanna talk, hit me up!

May you find peace with your fate in this life, or the next.
Vale optime in Pace Deorum
. Cole Thomas The Consummation The Course of the Empire 1836 min
 
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darkandtwisty

darkandtwisty

Member
Jul 10, 2024
20
Hello!

I am an irreversibly broken soul who's been faking it for so long, I almost believe myself.
I am at a crossroads with my life. I don't necessarily want to go, I just want the pain to stop.

I was abused most of my life by my now ex husband. In almost every way one can be abused. I have a child with him who prefers to live with him. I am not needed.

I've tried not letting the residual CPTSD get the better of me, but all I hear in my head is the enforced words I heard for sixteen years "crazy, bitch, ugly, unlovable, broken, damaged". Etc etc. My own family stated if I had been a better wife, the hitting, rape, and serial cheating would not have happened. It was my responsibility to make him happy.

I poured myself into him until I had nothing left. I've tried therapy, medication, meditation. Nothing has helped. I'm tired on a spiritual level.
I have a boyfriend I love with everything I've got but unfortunately I do not know how to love myself. I know I'll CTB I just don't know when or how. It's not an if but a when.

On a positive note: I love hiking and being in nature. My hobbies are car karaoke and photography.
 
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patricivselecta

patricivselecta

Member
Jul 9, 2024
8
Hello!

I am an irreversibly broken soul who's been faking it for so long, I almost believe myself.
I am at a crossroads with my life. I don't necessarily want to go, I just want the pain to stop.

I was abused most of my life by my now ex husband. In almost every way one can be abused. I have a child with him who prefers to live with him. I am not needed.

I've tried not letting the residual CPTSD get the better of me, but all I hear in my head is the enforced words I heard for sixteen years "crazy, bitch, ugly, unlovable, broken, damaged". Etc etc. My own family stated if I had been a better wife, the hitting, rape, and serial cheating would not have happened. It was my responsibility to make him happy.

I poured myself into him until I had nothing left. I've tried therapy, medication, meditation. Nothing has helped. I'm tired on a spiritual level.
I have a boyfriend I love with everything I've got but unfortunately I do not know how to love myself. I know I'll CTB I just don't know when or how. It's not an if but a when.

On a positive note: I love hiking and being in nature. My hobbies are car karaoke and photography.
Hi! I am sorry all that happened you. I'm glad that you stood up for yourself and divorced that piece of shit.
You are loveable and deserve to be loved, every human being does.
I hope that now you'll find a way to love and serve yourself, not others, after putting others before yourself for this long.

May you find peace in this life, or the next.
 
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Trismegistus_13

Trismegistus_13

Refuses to give up hope
Jun 17, 2024
24
Hi! I'm 26/M from the northeastern US. Since being diagnosed with anxiety and depression in third grade, I have struggled with them as well as low self-confidence on and off for years. I had one suicide attempt in 2018 that had been preceded by a group of people bullying me. I don't know if I will eventually kill myself years down the line, but I refuse to give up hope that I can improve my life.

I am currently a nursing student and want to help people in bad situations like I was. I also love music (especially heavy metal) and video games. I wish you all the best in getting better.
 
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img-phenix

img-phenix

the 6-for-1 package deal
Jul 9, 2024
11
Hello I go by many names but you can call me phenix! Happy to be here :)
 
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