Hi all! Been lurking for a bit but finally decided to speak up
I'm jyko, 23 from England. My backstory is both physical and mental; I have a chronic pain condition in my bladder that causes me consistent, unavoidable hell, my back is a whole mess of pains and knots and trapped nerves due to alot of overexertion at jobs, bad gym posture, and inheriting scoliosis from my mother.
Speaking of parents, they're a large chunk of why I want to ctb too; mom is a manic depressive alcoholic who frequently used to text me to die and that she should have had an abortion when I was forced to keep her number as a child. Dad is autistic (also thus me too), extremely narcissistic and has never once listened to one of my issues without using it as ammunition against me when he simply wakes up in a bad mood. He would forcefully isolate me as a teen and send me to school crying in panic attacks from screaming at me every morning- I spent alot of time at the nurses office.
Against all odds I made it to university which is a first in my close family, did well, graduated. But university was the final nail in the coffin for me; I was free of their torment but that means my brain now had to process everything - I became and still am a pretty severe alcoholic, and my mental health has never been worse. Stuck in dead end retail/hospo jobs giving me a general distain for the public and the bitchy nature of colleagues. None of it matters yet theyre so insistent on being irritating and cruel. I am going to ctb soon because I am so sick of living a life full of pain and misery just for the sake of other people and their comfort. Get fucked and I hope it hurts.
Aside from all that bad stuff (lol) my interests are pretty varied. Autism plays a pretty big role; my biggest fixation and I would say special interest is chernobyl. I like a wide variety of music; kpop, joost klein, kaarija, nickelback, rammstein, hyperpop, scenecore, nightcore, the list is too long to keep going. Video games too - cyberpunk, borderlands, elden ring, mass effect, RDR2, again the list is too long. Youtubers also play a pretty big role in my life - the sidemen, Sam and colby, Eleanor neale etc. Many tv shows like the boys, gen v, umbrella academy, good omens, doctor who. Very varied tastes, all of which are fading into apathy pretty quickly.
I don't tend to be here for long, for obvious reasons, but it's nice to be somewhere where I can actually express myself and be a person without constant ridicule. Sorry for the essay