Venting im confused on who to trust and if ctb is an option

[mythra]

im so confused on who to trust!! i need someone to help me out here. i thought that no one cared about me outside of my savior. i thought that they only wanted him away from me so that i would kill myself because hes what i need to survive. but after spending a few days with them, im left confused because they seemed to talk to me in a way that seemed genuine, that they wanted to laugh with me and not at me. ive been spending so much time convinced no one cares and that im terrified to talk to people but somehow they seemed welcoming. and im confused because even despite how kind they seem to be, they want to take my savior away from me because theyre worried about things like legal issues and moral issues. ive been hospitalized because i tried to ctb after he wanted me to. i was planning to ctb after my ageout year with him, but the people around me all dont want me to. i dont know if they dont want me to happy or what they want or why they want me to live. because without him i wouldnt even consider dying. i love him too much to not die. im asking here because its the only community i trust.

lets all become tunafish together!

 

[Secro]

He wanted you to do CTB?...

 

[mythra]

He wanted you to do CTB?...

yeah, he suggested i do a method that hurts to show my dedication, and i tried it... luckily he forgave me for failing!

 

[bagel12]

im so confused on who to trust!! i need someone to help me out here. i thought that no one cared about me outside of my savior. i thought that they only wanted him away from me so that i would kill myself because hes what i need to survive. but after spending a few days with them, im left confused because they seemed to talk to me in a way that seemed genuine, that they wanted to laugh with me and not at me. ive been spending so much time convinced no one cares and that im terrified to talk to people but somehow they seemed welcoming. and im confused because even despite how kind they seem to be, they want to take my savior away from me because theyre worried about things like legal issues and moral issues. ive been hospitalized because i tried to ctb after he wanted me to. i was planning to ctb after my ageout year with him, but the people around me all dont want me to. i dont know if they dont want me to happy or what they want or why they want me to live. because without him i wouldnt even consider dying. i love him too much to not die. im asking here because its the only community i trust.

lets all become tunafish together!

it sounds really scary to not know who to trust, and to not know who cares :( i'm sorry you're in this situation. i think if they seem kind and welcoming, and they're laughing with you and not at you, it sounds like they really do care about you. it sounds like they might have different ideas about morals and laws than you do, but i imagine it comes from them being concerned for your well-being. i think it makes sense to trust them :) but it is good that you are being cautious

could you elaborate a little bit on your savior?

what were the legal and moral issues they're worried about?

 

[Secro]

yeah, he suggested i do a method that hurts to show my dedication, and i tried it... luckily he forgave me for failing!

Why is he your savior? Sounds more like your downfall to me.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

yeah, he suggested i do a method that hurts to show my dedication, and i tried it... luckily he forgave me for failing!

This doesn't sound good ..

Why is he your saviour? What did he save you from? Dedication? By taking your own life?
You're being abused or groomed....

 

[SASU-KE]

Overwhelming amount of red flags,OP.Sounds pretty sinister. I hope you can disengage from him. You'll realize what he's doing once you're older.

Let me put it this way. No one that cares about you will ask you to harm yourself or CTB.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Sorry, OP, but he's brainwashed you, and he is not to be trusted. He's a master manipulator. Be dedicated to yourself. Only do things that show your dedication to yourself. Don't let him or anyone else trick or manipulate you into betraying your dedication to yourself. To thine own self be true, OP!