i told my friend i wanted to kms

[crashinout]

i was on shrooms freaking out and told my friend that i was gonna do the shit. he helped me and ordered me a charger (hes on the other side of the country) to call some other friends, tell them that. im really grateful he stopped me.

but im also not, like now people know i want to die. and i cant just do that. i have more eyes on me. i needed to keep it a secret. i also dont want to pull that friend into a toxic cycle of my very poor mental health - im not trying to do that. because ive never asked anyone for a favour like that before, something so small.

ive been neglecting my health, i have missing molars. im destroying my credit even if i can afford things. im in a high expense apartment, im not working, i stopped paying bills. i havent repaired my laptop i broke, or my watch. i stopped trying or caring bc i thought i was gonna die. i even have been writing "goodbyes" to people because i think im going to die.


so sorry for my wording but i think im a little pissed that i cant die now bc i flat out said what i planned

 

[Secro]

If you truly wanted to die, you wouldn't have revealed your plan.
There is something else there that wants to live.

 

[crashinout]

If you truly wanted to die, you wouldn't have revealed your plan.
There is something else there that wants to live.

yeah i see it, because everyday i feel "hopeless". but then i walk in my city and im like fuck, theres a lot to see. i have like 50-60 more years left.

i think im young and suffering from mental illness, i want an escape to my problems. i created some big ass disaster. so i do agree with you, i just wanted an early "exit".