september.

[AloneGunManTheory]

i most likely will CTB in september. really pathetic reason. im just worried about seeing him all over the place. ive completley left my old communities because i cant stand to see him anymore. i thought i would be getting better but as the days creep closer i cant stop thinking about death and how much better everyone elses lives will be without me. i think im doing a slefless act by removing myself from the world. i cant stand seeing or even thinking about things that remind me of him anymore. i hate the color green, i hate certain places, games, activities, and its all because i cant get him out of my mind. hes perfect. im like the fucking bjork stalker. maybe i should paint my face, and record myself CTB and upload it haha. but yeah, around september yall might not hear from me anymore. id like to say its been fun but, it hasnt. im grateful to meet so many nice new people who ahve the same feelings as me. there is something i would like to share that im not sure has been said around here before.

i hate hearing:

"if you die, people will miss you."

thats just a fucking guilt trip into making me not want to die. idgaf what other people think, ill be dead. that whole sentiment just makes me feel even worse about myself, and makes me feel selfish. i am fucking CTB because life would be better without me in, dumbfuck. people will be happy once i am dead, and all ive ever wanted is to see people happy. sure some people will be sad but theyll get over it.

thats all for now, thank you for listening to my TED talk

 

[jesteroutofwork]

i can really relate, i've started to avoid certain places and people because they just give me such a discomfort. im being reminded of getting rejected and not fitting in badly, this is really painful and sadly i live in a small town so there's plenty of such places and i dont think that time heals these wounds. i hate being alone to the point i feel like i want to cry when im near some kind of big public festivals. it feels like the whole world just goes on without you. just proving that they dont actually care. it hurts self-esteem badly. this is probably one of the reasons why i choose to study at uni that is 500+ km away from my town. i wanted to have a fresh start and take my mind out of things that happened here. to just disappear and hopefully find hapiness somewhere else, because this place is fucking done for me lmao. i think the less time i'll spend at my hometown the better it is. at least that's what im telling myself, we'll see in a few months if living so far away will actually make me better. but i think its worth giving it a try. i dont know your situation right now but i think changing your surroundings could help. take care op, i hope you'll find your peace

 

[Sprite_Geist]

"if you die, people will miss you."

thats just a fucking guilt trip into making me not want to die. idgaf what other people think, ill be dead. that whole sentiment just makes me feel even worse about myself, and makes me feel selfish. i am fucking CTB because life would be better without me in, dumbfuck. people will be happy once i am dead, and all ive ever wanted is to see people happy. sure some people will be sad but theyll get over it.

From my experience this phrase is mostly used in a one-sided way. Yes some suicidal people might have others who will miss them, but we all leave the lives of others anyway; what about when a friend leaves you behind because your transactional relationship no longer benefits them? what about acquaintances who forget about you after they move away? what about a boyfriend/girlfriend who breaks up with you because they think they have found somebody else "better"?

When another person leaves our life we are told to simply "move on", and accept that they no longer want to associate with us (which is fine) but surely this should work both ways? Why can they not accept that suicidal people no longer want to stay alive purely for the sake of others?

Society states that relationships are based on consent and are not an obligation... except for suicidal people. Oh no - we are held to a higher standard, and are demanded to keep on living for everybody else around us even if these same other people do not care about us.