september.

[AloneGunManTheory]

i most likely will CTB in september. really pathetic reason. im just worried about seeing him all over the place. ive completley left my old communities because i cant stand to see him anymore. i thought i would be getting better but as the days creep closer i cant stop thinking about death and how much better everyone elses lives will be without me. i think im doing a slefless act by removing myself from the world. i cant stand seeing or even thinking about things that remind me of him anymore. i hate the color green, i hate certain places, games, activities, and its all because i cant get him out of my mind. hes perfect. im like the fucking bjork stalker. maybe i should paint my face, and record myself CTB and upload it haha. but yeah, around september yall might not hear from me anymore. id like to say its been fun but, it hasnt. im grateful to meet so many nice new people who ahve the same feelings as me. there is something i would like to share that im not sure has been said around here before.

i hate hearing:

"if you die, people will miss you."

thats just a fucking guilt trip into making me not want to die. idgaf what other people think, ill be dead. that whole sentiment just makes me feel even worse about myself, and makes me feel selfish. i am fucking CTB because life would be better without me in, dumbfuck. people will be happy once i am dead, and all ive ever wanted is to see people happy. sure some people will be sad but theyll get over it.

thats all for now, thank you for listening to my TED talk