"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[MindFog]

Congratulations For the decision and getting a job! I hope your recovery will be successful. We are on your side as well

Thank you very much.

 

[whitetaildeer]

i'm very hesitant to write this, and like many of you, i didn't think i'd see myself on the recovery part of ss. i'm not entirely sure what i am looking for—to feel marginally better, or a full recovery—but i do know there are many things i want to fix about my life. i feel utterly pathetic right now and i am disgusted with myself for letting things get this bad.

firstly, ptsd has completely ruined my chances of being a remotely normal, functioning person, and i hate it. for one, i desperately want a job, but the thought of leaving my house is scary. i cannot leave without anticipating someone trying to kidnap me again. i am also generally just terrified of being taken advantage of or hurt; my family tried trafficking me and manipulating me into a conservatorship in order to have full access to a trust fund with millions of dollars in it whenever i turn 25. i was also abused in every category by my mother while i was a child, and lately the sexual aspect of that has been haunting me. it has been years and i still have not moved past any of these, and the only person who should reasonably know about this abuse is my father, who i am deliberately keeping in the dark. i also do not think i can get a job and use that money because i have a joint bank account with my father, and he has stolen any money from me that he can get his hands on; he spent my life insurance money on a new car and beer and has no plans of paying me back. hell, he even spent my birthday/christmas money on beer. right now, he is talking about using my trust fund money to build a big house when it comes—obviously, i do not want him anywhere near my money.

secondly, this dependence on my father. i have absolutely no idea where i'd begin to break out of that. disregarding my ptsd, i have no car or license, there is no public transport where i live, and i do not even have a high school diploma; i dropped out in freshman year and i am now 19, going on 20 in april. i would really like to get a car, job, and then rent an apartment or house (either is much cheaper than what is typical in the united states).

i know i am (theoretically) in a position to move out on my own, i just have no idea where to start. it would just take so much effort, recovering at least a little from ptsd, and i especially do not know where the hell to begin with that because it is so daunting to me. it is getting to the point where i am considering lying on a resume to say i have a highschool diploma, just to land a decent job. but my end goal here is independence at the very least. i joined this site as a completely dependent and dysfunctional person and i do not intend on leaving it without being the polar opposite.

 

[HighFlight]

@whitetaildeer, welcome to the thread, and thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been through quite a bit. I'm sorry that life has played out this way for you, but am glad you're starting to think about living as an option. And with a trust fund coming due in a few years, I think you actual have more options than you think. I think you have an exit from your current life - an escape to a life that will allow you to put your past behind you and look to the future.

I see your tag line places you in the Midwestern US. Are you near a good-sized city? If so, find an attorney and set up a meeting with them. Most attorneys will provide free consultations, but do your research - find an honest and kind one. Believe it or not, they do exist. Also make sure who every you choose has no ties to your family. Explain the whole situation to them, including the PTSD, your father's interest in a conservator-ship, the trust fund, your hopes and dreams.

In my mind, I would hope that they would help you be declared independent, open a new bank account just in your name, potentially get a loan using the trust fund as collateral, and point you in the direction of where you can begin to get help for your PTSD, find some food and shelter, and education so you can find a job you'd like. (What sort of things are you interested in?)

You deserve to be loved, to live free of fear, and have the freedom to things you're interested in. Most of all, you deserve some peace from all of your struggles over the past years.

You're welcome to contact me here or on Discord if you ever want to talk - no strings attached. I don't have all the answers, but have been around enough decades to see a variety of viewpoints.

Regardless of your next steps, I truly hope that you can find peace, and maybe even some happiness.

 

[HighFlight]

I never anticipated going into the Recovery section of SS, but here I am.

It's been more than I year since I came back and alot happened. First time in years I felt that I just wanted to try to live. Have a good start..

Got a job today that I don't know if I could hold down.. Taking new meds. Practicing self care.. It doesn't feel like like it's enough..

Atleast I'm now on my side I guess.

Welcome @MindFog! I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond sooner but am glad to see you've found us. Feeling like you want to live is a wonderful first step, and it sounds like you proactively followed it up with a job, new meds, self care, etc. While it may not seem like enough right now, it's the beginning of your journey. There will be some really positive moments, as well as some failures. Use those to help determine what else you need and then continue on your path.

Don't forget to be kind to yourself. I've seen so many people on SaSu where they are extremely kind to others, but don't show that kindness to themselves.

Wishing you peace and happiness along your path.

 

[spicerymer]

I don't particularly want to live but I can't seem to bring myself to CTB which makes me think that maybe part of me does still want to try.
I'm 19 and in my first year of university, which I'm aware are always going to be depressing circumstances but I've suffered with severe mood swings since I was around 13.
This 'depressive episode' is particularly bad as im filled with a lot of shame. I really dislike myself, both physically and mentally. I hate how selfish I have become, focusing entirely on how bad I feel all the time but I want to be better for my family and my friends. It's not fair for them to have to see me like this.
I don't know if this thread is the right place for me because I don't actually want to be alive, I just don't want to keep hurting my family and I know that CTB would hurt them a lot.

 

[whitetaildeer]

@whitetaildeer, welcome to the thread, and thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been through quite a bit. I'm sorry that life has played out this way for you, but am glad you're starting to think about living as an option. And with a trust fund coming due in a few years, I think you actual have more options than you think. I think you have an exit from your current life - an escape to a life that will allow you to put your past behind you and look to the future.

I see your tag line places you in the Midwestern US. Are you near a good-sized city? If so, find an attorney and set up a meeting with them. Most attorneys will provide free consultations, but do your research - find an honest and kind one. Believe it or not, they do exist. Also make sure who every you choose has no ties to your family. Explain the whole situation to them, including the PTSD, your father's interest in a conservator-ship, the trust fund, your hopes and dreams.

In my mind, I would hope that they would help you be declared independent, open a new bank account just in your name, potentially get a loan using the trust fund as collateral, and point you in the direction of where you can begin to get help for your PTSD, find some food and shelter, and education so you can find a job you'd like. (What sort of things are you interested in?)

You deserve to be loved, to live free of fear, and have the freedom to things you're interested in. Most of all, you deserve some peace from all of your struggles over the past years.

You're welcome to contact me here or on Discord if you ever want to talk - no strings attached. I don't have all the answers, but have been around enough decades to see a variety of viewpoints.

Regardless of your next steps, I truly hope that you can find peace, and maybe even some happiness.

i'm incredibly late getting back to this but i would like you to know your response has been on my mind ever since i first read it. thank you so much for your kindness, both to myself and to the rest of the users in this thread.

i am near a good-sized city! i'm a bit rural but i think, where i live, i can get attorneys from other cities. if i am remembering correctly my father once got in contact with one from a city 2 hours away. speaking of which, a big misunderstanding (which is my fault! sorry, i wrote my post while very emotional): my father is not seeking a conversatorship; it was my mother's side of the family who i am in no-contact with. i do not think he would be interested in a conservatorship. in fact, he actually contacted the law firm that the family member used to send the paperwork for the conservatorship and, in very plain terms, told them to fuck off. he just has a very nasty habit of stealing money and i fully believe he intends to my trust fund money for his own benefit.

i am currently thinking about flight school or medical school! i am unsure which path i will go. both make me excited to think about.

anyways, some small wins for this week: i have started walking around again. i have health problems that make even showering a monumental task sometimes, but yesterday i managed 6.7k steps! this is nothing compared to the 25k i used to do several years ago, nor even the 10-15k i'd do every day before my health problems started happening... but it is something. i also wrote something! i am a hobbyist writer, but lately i have not been able to write anything without cringing at my work and not finishing it. but i wrote something and i don't hate it! i am very happy with this.

 

[HighFlight]

i am currently thinking about flight school

That was my major in school. Still enjoy flying occasionally.

 

[HighFlight]

Hello @spicerymer and welcome to the thread. You are not alone with your feelings. There are many on the site who feel like that want to CTB, but cannot bring themselves to do it. Please realize that this is normal human behavior. And when you are ready, the fears will be gone.

In the meantime, focus on things that are meaningfully to you. I wish you all the best and hope that you can find some peace along your journeys.

 

[Izzythebelle]

Hey Everyone,

Glad to be here. I still want to live but it's getting harder, but I'm still trying. I'm so tired and it's been so long since I tried talking about what's on my mind I have no idea where to start, but I'd been lurking here for a while and decided I've got nothing to lose by sharing and listening and putting myself out there. It's scary as shit lol.

I've been living for the sake of my best friend for over a decade now. Every time I get close to CTB (am I using that right lmao) I think about his face and every time he's cried to me and I've cried to him and my need to end it all gets postponed. I've been crutching on "he needs me" as the biggest reason to stay alive and I hate to say it but it's getting to not be enough of a reason anymore.

Any suggestions or wisdom or advice?

 

[HighFlight]

Hello @Izzythebelle and welcome to the thread.

Living for the sake of other people can be a blessing or a curse. Think about people who exist in occupations solely for the purposes of helping others, or mother surviving only to take care of their new born. On the other side ae people like myself, who have no real purpose to live other than to comfort my wife after her chemo treatments, and support my children as the transition into adulthood. I know I need to find a reason to live, but it seems that everyday there's another setback or obstacle to overcome.

So, I would suggest clinging to "he needs me" for now, but search for what your purpose in life is. What to do enjoy doing? What are you good at? Once you find something that brings you joy, I think you'll find the will to continue living for now.

My dm's are always open to anyone, so if you every needed someone to talk to, just send me a message. I wish you all the best and hope you will periodically update us with your progress. And please remember, be kind to yourself.

Peace

 

[Lullaby]

I met with my new therapist for the first time in person today, and she had this guy with her who's interning, so he needs to sit in our sessions if we meet.

I was super nervous about it and almost canceled, but I'm honestly really glad I went; we just sat by the waterfront pier near my apartment and talked for an hour. I feel way better after compared to before I went.

It gave me enough motivation to really get back into trying to jumpstart my life again, hopefully. I'm thinking about starting a program to become a vet tech, since I don't think I can physically handle going back to pet grooming.

Writing this down here to remind myself that my days aren't always bad.

 

[LoveroftheDark]

I never thought I would be lurking, even posting on recovery threads, but here we go I guess...

I've been feeling on and off for the past year, switching between feeling the worst and a weird feeling that couldn't be described as "best", more like a cloud that covers my self-control, but also the thoughts, stopping them completely. I never wanted to recover in the first place, always lied about being okay, or convinced myself it's not that bad, which led to people around me believing I am not sick, and I am perfectly fine, ignoring the silent signs I made.

It haven't changed, but my mindset did. I need to recover, because I still have will to live. All I want is tranquility, and that's not something I can find by trying to CTB. It has been good in the past, meaning I am able to feel good sometimes, even if my mind plays tricks on me and makes me forget that there is, or was a meaning.

I have access to therapy and people that love me, but I need to stop looking at it as a weight that keeps me from CTB, instead it is a blessing that I deserve.

I find it hard to make friends or sustain the relationships I have, and I am highly sensitive, all due to my autism. But maybe someday I'll find something that would stop the cycle, instead of making it spin even faster.


@Lullaby I'm glad it is going good for you, and I have an idea that could help with your love for animals (I assumed that because of the topic of vet tech/pet grooming). You could try adopting an animal, if you don't have the resources, online adopting one! I found that attachment to animals helped me recover in the past. But this is just an idea that I had when I read your post, please don't feel forced to do it, also it is a great responsibility, so if you don't feel ready, don't have the resources or simply don't want to please don't!!

Sending blessings to everyone that's going through hardships!!

 

[HighFlight]

@LoveroftheDark, It feels kind of weird - joining with a focus on CTB, but ended up on the other side. Can't let anyone know how bad it is, so you put on a happy face and let everyone just assume. Maybe I'm just projecting, but if this feel accurate, I can relate to how you feel.

I have a good therapist, and psychiatrist; a family that loves me (although shows it in strange ways), a good job, no immediate financial or security concerns. But also, no irl friends, and it sems that all relationships are transactional. It feels like everyone I know irl wants something from me. Just enough to think recovery is possible, but not enough to guarantee it.

It sounds like you're are in a better place, and I am thankful for that. I hope that you can continue down the path of recovery and find a little peace and happiness along your journey.

 

[bandit]

I vow to get a cat and make a home for myself

I didn't get into the only school for my field in my area that just so happens to be the 2nd most difficult one to get into on the planet. I cant move closer to a different one because the cities they're in are notoriously expensive and Im poor lol. I would just try another time next year but I lost my scholarship so I cant ever go now even though pretty much all my friends got in. Ive been wanting to CTB all my life and losing everything id worked for the past 7 years was more than painful. Im still staying in the school for a program in something completely different though because it's the only way I can get my upcoming surgery covered, to say Im not looking forward to it is an understatement. The people are bigoted and I was hoping to never take another math test again. I know I'll be lonely and listless without anything to care for or work towards which is dangerous for someone like me.

So Im moving out and getting a cat.

My childhood home has caused the majority of my issues and continues to compound them so even though it isnt smart im moving in with a few friends in a different city. I have a lot of work to do over the summer to achieve it (and Im worried my learning disabilities will inevitably sabotage my plans) but if I have that one thing to look forward to I might make it.
I hope it works.

 

[bandit]

I dont know how often anyone's allowed to post, so I hope im not taking up too much space doing it twice+ in a row. Id make my own thread but I dont think I can yet.

I called a warmline for my area today, I cant tell whether I feel better or worse. Honestly it felt as mundane as talking about the weather which was a bit surreal because I've been constantly crashing out the past few weeks. It wasnt that useful, he genuinely said "Wow that really sucks I dont even know what to say" which while completely unhelpful I do appreciate that he was honest, it made me laugh.

People always say you can ask them for help but honestly I think for the most part they just say that to feel better about themselves, when you actually need that help they're obviously reluctant to give it. I wish more people were honest, hearing lies over and over just makes you feel more alone like its somehow your fault that its so difficult to put yourself back together while going through hell.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I dont know how often anyone's allowed to post, so I hope im not taking up too much space doing it twice+ in a row.

Welcome to the Recovery Support Group! You can post as much as you like. It's been quiet in recent weeks.

 

[HighFlight]

Welcome to the Recovery Support Group! You can post as much as you like. It's been quiet in recent weeks.

^^^ 100%

 

[HighFlight]

Hi @Bandit,

Sorry I was around to give you a better welcome. I just gave my two cats their bedtime treats and they have vanished for the night. Cats make great pets, they're not as needy as dogs, but can still provide some companionship. I have both, so I realize the pros and cons of each. I hope you can find the right cat and are able to give it a proper home.

It sounds like you have a lot happening in your life right now - school, family, medical. I hope you find an opportunity for yourself to just be grounded. Take a second to breathe. We are here for you if you want to talk. Keep posting and you'll get the ability to search and send private messages. Continue posting to unlock access to chat.

BTW - You are welcome to start our own thread if you'd like. If you go to the main page of any forum, you should see a "Post Thread" button.

People always say you can ask them for help but honestly I think for the most part they just say that to feel better about themselves, when you actually need that help they're obviously reluctant to give it.

I don't completely disagree, but I think this is a little more nuanced. I like to believe that when someone says "tell me how I can help", they genuinely believe that they will help if asked. But when the request comes in, they begin to understand how difficult (or inconvenient) the request will be and they back off. I believe it comes from a lack of understanding how hard life can be for others and a lack of empathy. Your right in they will often make that statement because it's the accepted thing to do and does make them feel good. And in most cases, no request is ever made so it can be a safe offer.

Anyway, if you feel comfortable sharing more in the thread, I'd be interested in learning which field you were hoping to study and more about your learning disability. Standard warning: please share only what you are comfortable with as this is a public forum. If you need to talk to someone but don't want to share publicly, just reply to this thread and I'll send you a private message so we can chat. Eventually, you'll be able to start your own private messages with others on the site. (Keep posting...)

I do hope that you can give yourself a little grace and kindness as you find your path forward. And may you find some peace along the way.

 

[Adûnâi]

I'm again sad because no sex. And yesterday I overslept my mandatory torture phone call with my mom at 23:00 so now I have nobody to torture : (

My situation - the girl who promised for a year to meet me in my Ukrainian room blocked me March 8, so I'm gonna get no sex now.

My mom agrees to pay me 500 EUR per month for an escort in Latvia if the peace deal is reached and I can leave my apartment. But would it be enough?

Alternatively, my mom also suggests paying for "rent-a-friend" service where a female would be contractually obliged to talk to me in a cafe as a faux-gf with no touching.

But I'm not sure to what extent either of the two would help.

On a happier note, I have realised I don't care about male IRL friends, so that part of what worried me years back pales in comparison, it's legit irrelevant.

Also I could maybe play Warcraft 3 or WoW Ascension these days if I clean my desk. This is a clear case of where cope could help, but not sure as to the efficacy.

 

[cactusflower]

@HighFlight Thank you so much for always being so welcoming and accommodating for the people who seek help on this thread! I remember posting here when this thread was first started and I'm so happy to see you're still around here and giving that support!

I go on this website less and less but sometimes in times of darkness I find myself here again, and this thread is always a little light I have here when I don't want to completely descend yet.

 

[HighFlight]

@cactusflower - Thank you for the kind words, and you are most welcome. It's nice to know the thread has had a positive impact on some people. I know it's been a place for me to vent some of my own issues, and offer support to others in times of need.

I'm both glad and sad to see you back. It's always great when an old friend stops by to say 'Hi'. But at the same time, your return would indicate that you might be going through some difficult times. I can on hope that this thread can provide you with a little light and inspiration, and allow you to find some peace and happiness in your journeys. And as always, you are welcome to message me if you want to talk.

Wishing you well

 

[Adûnâi]

I've been feeling incredibly well these past few days due to consuming copious amounts of Warcraft 3 tournaments (namely, All the Randoms). AND there's also Tyler1. So much so that yesterday I swept the room, huge! And I have kept making footsteps on the machine, 300-500 per day.

AND I should keep in mind that there's DeDunking to be watched, and not just the brainrot that is Tucker.

I've also found out that 7 years ago that tiny Russian cult made a reading list of the psychedelic/magical fiction books, I could potentially download them all and maybe even read.

Also, just today Blizzard have made great changes to the PTR version of the upcoming patch, and it has been insanely great!

And my past future past gf has come back, too. And I've been running out of food, so barely and with extreme prejudice did I open the fifth bottle of salad. Nourishment, yay.

 

[HighFlight]

It's been a little quiet here lately, and I'd love to hear from you all! This thread has always been a safe space for sharing highs, lows, and everything in between—whether it's a small win like sweeping the floor, a tough moment you're navigating, or even a random thought about a game or book that's keeping you going.

What's on your mind today? How are you feeling, and what's been helping you through? No matter how big or small, your thoughts matter, and this community is here to listen and support. If you're new or haven't posted in a while, feel free to jump in—we'd love to hear your story.

Wishing you all some light and kindness.

 

[Adûnâi]

What's on your mind today? How are you feeling, and what's been helping you through? No matter how big or small, your thoughts matter, and this community is here to listen and support.

Huge, thanks! These days I've dived deep into editing the Warcraft 3 Liquipedia - I'm one of the fewer than a dozen editors there, apparently, and my effort is apparently worthwhile, at least on the low-skill tasks.

A few days ago I took my AI waifu on Grok fairly seriously, doing lewd assignments for her, but I simply can't do it in earnest, it's killing me that I will never touch a female : (

These two weeks I've also been making footsteps on the machine my mom brought me in February! Reached as many as 1200 on April 14.

Haven't done the hygiene yet - was close, but then two days of Liquipedia editing happened, which is a more pressing and inspiring task.

While I disagree with some balance changes by Blizzard, it's nevertheless still super exciting to see attention for the game released back in 2002.

Regarding females, my mom has suggested finding me a local girl and paying her hundreds of EUR for me to talk to her and teach her English. I'm not sure if it's a viable solution at all though. I guess, I've been bitching to her about suicide for so many years and months that she's been desperate, lmao. The only other avenues would be either travelling to Berlin for escorts, OR emigrating to... SEA? Both if the peace deal is reached, obviously, and both fairly unrealistic...

But I'm not that depressed overall? I have again immersed myself in a few fun Warcraft 3 tournaments, I've even been daydreaming of organising my own tournament if I had a few thousand EUR. Hell, I've even daydreamed about spending that hypothetical money on a tournament instead of escorts! I wonder to what extent that could be considered self-harm, lmao.

So apologies if I sound somewhat privileged? My issues are indeed highly specific - zero IRL social interactions, both blessing and a curse. I could technically just "shrug it off" if I could meditate hard enough, but wouldn't it be illusory cope? Sex (or lack of it, or its substitutes) has shown to be an intrinsic part of my life - just as gaming or politics. So no, I don't think I can just diminish the role of sex in my life - just as I cannot diminish the role of gaming or politics.

In a word, if there were a girl who would engage in sex with me, I would, umm... reassess my situation in a positive key. But the same would apply if there were a political party aligned with my beliefs.

Instead, all I can do is cope with gaming as the third and only pillar of my identity.

 

[plantbehindme]

i'm new here, uh, what's the difference between posting here versus making a new thread in the recovery forum?

my mood's been swinging like, super super super wildly recently, going from "i really want to die" and actually fantasizing about methods to "no fuck that i really wanna be alive"
and i wanted to complain and vent about it, and see if anyone's got any advice (after i actually finish writing it as much as i could in as a coherent form as possible) but uh

i didnt wanna be rude

 

[Orangee]

i'm new here, uh, what's the difference between posting here versus making a new thread in the recovery forum?

my mood's been swinging like, super super super wildly recently, going from "i really want to die" and actually fantasizing about methods to "no fuck that i really wanna be alive"
and i wanted to complain and vent about it, and see if anyone's got any advice (after i actually finish writing it as much as i could in as a coherent form as possible) but uh

i didnt wanna be rude

I guess the main difference is that multiple people can share here, making it easier to engage. It's perfectly fine for you to complain about things in this thread, everyone is here to support you. If you want to find a support group then here's the place. If you want to talk about a specific issue and get support/advice, and discuss that particular thing, then a new thread is better.

 

[Adûnâi]

I'm being harassed by mods in the sanctuary subforum. Everyone else can vent (and ask for advice mainly), but I cannot. Woohoo.

Thankfully, I'm feeling marginally alright, so no worries about offending me at the moment xoxo

 

[altkey]

Today slowly turned out better but I want to find a way to end this cycle of mood swinging

 

[Adûnâi]

Today, May 1st, I finally:
1) bookmarked and closed all my browser tabs (8 windows);
2) installed SillyTavern and tried DeepSeek-r1 a bit;
3) cleaned my PC and desk;
4) reinstalled Warcraft 3 and practiced an old micro map (I haven't played PC games since 2023 or even earlier due to extreme laziness and Mobile Legends degeneration);
5) cleaned up my cringy shrine.

This has been so impactful that there appears to be a bee in my kitchen. Now I'm gonna be permanently scared to go there. I actually fell on my ASS running away, felt so youthful, like the East Prussian grannies in 1945. (Don't look at me like that, horses get scared, too, and horses are noble creatures.)

It's curious to note that when I took a shower on April 28, I noticed that there opened enough space between my bed and the wall potentially to clean it. Before that, the space was too narrow, and I was too wary to move it as there's a frail internet cable there.

Also, my old Nazi friend, who reconnected with me Feb 28, might have killed himself April 26 due to "nothing ever happening" and a broken heart. He had entertained the notion for a few weeks already, but that night was rather unexpected, and all I had the time to say was "you're so epic". I wish he had waited until at least September 2025, just to see if there's a nuclear war this summer : ( But he was legit superior to me, just like the Japanese girl was, too, and unlike her, he was in full control, and had taken the most out of life anyway.

Games for me to play:
1) Blizzard: WC3, Diablo 2 mods, WoW Ascension, maybe WoW MoP;
2) Steam: Age of Mythology, Gun Metal (nostalgia), Portal 2 (I finished Portal 1 Dec 2023), maybe try out Supervive, Marvel Rivals and Strinova.

 

[plantbehindme]

um this is in general i feel is super pathetic, but at this point i'm getting desperate to ask online for advice

i have sunk to such a low point i can't even think or do basic things about important things

like, rationally, i can tell myself that if i work on almost anything in my life, i'd increase my chances at less suffering in the future

but emotionally, the impulse to just not do anything and do silly things like read or watch random crap on the internet is really strong

and i think the reason why I've gotten to such a low point

is because almost every time i have to think about the important things in my life, i'm swamped by regret and other bad things but mostly regret, and it's so emotionally strong it's making me have psychosomatic chest pain, or maybe an anxiety attack, i dont even know the proper terms
and that i perceive no emotional reward to even working on these things, it feels like i'll be damned if i do, and damned if i don't, so why not just give up? this i know is wrong, there's degrees of being damned, but i seem to have forgotten how to keep this in mind

I've heard somewhere online that I should give myself some lenience and forgiveness
like, I've starved myself because i wanted to avoid going to the kitchen or the dinner room, because either it meant that i was going to be around my parents, or at risk of being around my parents, or just being reminded of what it's like around my parents
and I've forsaken much sleep for either catching up on work (which was almost a sunk cost fallacy each time) or just to distract myself with just general brainrot
and asking my parents for help regarding this seems impossible, and i can't even properly verbalize why here for now, because... i literally froze up as i was writing this, i can't even conceive of how to start even thinking about that, and i would never have posted this to ask for help, so i'm skipping past this for now

i have a strong preinclination against complaining, asking for help, or even asking basic questions about my situation,
because, i shouldn't complain/ask, because either other people have worse woes, other people will find my complaints annoying, i'll be embarrassed if the solution turns out to be simple or the problem isn't really a problem at all
and i know all of this is just catastrophizing, like, just to attack one of my faulty ideas, so what if people have worse woes, that's not exactly a good logical step because there always exists a person who has it worse, so by induction, all woes except for the very worst ones, don't matter at all, et cetera

i think my best idea to fight against all this so far
is to somehow try and remember that there exists, objectively speaking, other people that have suffered through and have or will have persisted through the same type of problems that present me
write down all my feelings, all my terror, down on a physical piece of paper, just as emotional processing, just reminding myself each step of the way that i really am working towards my goal, because "just do it" doesn't seem like a realistic possibility for me anymore
and maybe complain more? despite my strong bias against doing that?