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lamentos

lamentos

C'est la vie
Aug 10, 2023
24
Since I'm in my hometown rn, I've realized that I sometimes really forget everything going wrong which results in me actually having fun. But I know that things will start to go south when the 2nd year of college starts again. So I think that's a brilliant idea. Let's make it happen!
 
venin

venin

Text
Jul 28, 2023
767
Prolifer in sheep's clothing...
I wish it were that way, honestly 🤐
Prolifer in sheep's clothing...
1. If it were easier to CTB, I wouldn’t be here in the first place

2. That 0.9 % of me that doesn’t wanna give up wants to give it another shot

3. I don’t wanna die. I really don’t wanna die.
It’s just that my situation is so bad that I cannot see another way out besides CTB-ing.

But maybe I’m blind right now. Maybe I can’t see the way out that doesn’t involve CTB-ing.

I think the other ones that wrote here are in a similar situation.

I’m not encouraging life dude. I hate it.

I just don’t wanna give up. Not yet. Albeit I think of just slitting my throat and ending it several times a day.

So trust me, I wish I had that kinda life that would allow me to be a pro-lifer…
 
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Ambivalent1

Ambivalent1

More meat for the grinder
Apr 17, 2023
1,506
I wish it were that way, honestly 🤐

1. If it were easier to CTB, I wouldn’t be here in the first place

2. That 0.9 % of me that doesn’t wanna give up wants to give it another shot

3. I don’t wanna die. I really don’t wanna die.
It’s just that my situation is so bad that I cannot see another way out besides CTB-ing.

But maybe I’m blind right now. Maybe I can’t see the way out that doesn’t involve CTB-ing.

I think the other ones that wrote here are in a similar situation.

I’m not encouraging life dude. I hate it.

I just don’t wanna give up. Not yet. Albeit I think of just slitting my throat and ending it several times a day.

So trust me, I wish I had that kinda life that would allow me to be a pro-lifer…
Does anyone really want to die? I get the feeling we're all miserable, not excited, just before ctb. And how to know which thoughts are SI in disguise?
 
venin

venin

Text
Jul 28, 2023
767
Does anyone really want to die? I get the feeling we're all miserable, not excited, just before ctb. And how to know which thoughts are SI in disguise?
Idk. There are some here that really wanna die, from what I’ve seen. I too wanna really wanna die sometimes, but it’s when I’m feeling really really bad.

I wish I had more answers, for myself mainly. I wish it were easier. Everything
Does anyone really want to die? I get the feeling we're all miserable, not excited, just before ctb. And how to know which thoughts are SI in disguise?
Another reason for which I don’t wanna die is because I think that this is it. This awful fucking unfair life (for us, at least) is it. From what I’ve seen and contemplated, I don’t think there’s something after this, nor before this, nor something more than this nonsense.

So given the fact that I really think that this is all we’ve got, even though it’s been hell for me & it still is, I’d not give up just yet. Even though my entire being is yearning to just fucking end it already.
 
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jar-baby

jar-baby

Experienced
Jun 20, 2023
208
Another reason for which I don’t wanna die is because I think that this is it. This awful fucking unfair life (for us, at least) is it. From what I’ve seen and contemplated, I don’t think there’s something after this, nor before this, nor something more than this nonsense.

So given the fact that I really think that this is all we’ve got, even though it’s been hell for me & it still is, I’d not give up just yet. Even though my entire being is yearning to just fucking end it already.
I relate hard. that's exactly why i'm still here.
 
HighFlight55

HighFlight55

Experienced
Jun 28, 2023
266
@venin - did you what any luck with setting up a chat room? I know getting these things started can be difficult, even when it's a good idea. Please let me know what I can do to help. Feel free to PM me.
 
venin

venin

Text
Jul 28, 2023
767
Unfortunately as you can see in the picture below, the maximum number of participants is 5 🫠

Maybe we can here for now? This will also make the subject seen for others. I’m there’s more of us who want in but just haven’t come across this thread until now.

SUGGESTIONS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME
 

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UsagiDrop

UsagiDrop

“What a beautiful day to haunt the earth.”
Apr 27, 2023
109
I think this is a really wonderful idea. I wish I was in the mind state to want to be able to join you all.
SUGGESTIONS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME
I wanted to come out of my lurking to make a suggestion. The chat doesn’t have to be on here. There are other places to make a group chat, like discord or telegram for example. I'm actually not sure if there is anything prohibiting members from coming into contact like that but I know it might be discouraged. Alternatively, pacts could be made in groups of 5? Where two or more people can start a private chat and keep each other more personally accountable? I guess this could be done in the order people want to join, but I dunno.

If you guys want to make a pact for recovery, I’m a little worried about the response you will get here from other users who (rightfully) dislike positivity. And to be fair, there are lots of other spaces on the internet that are encouraging people to stay alive. Even though it’s on a side of the forum that people can avoid, it’s still visible, people still lurk for whatever reason, and I kind of understand both sides. So, while I think it may be a good idea to keep this thread active for others to find and join in, perhaps the more sensitive and personal things would be better discussed in more private settings to mitigate the risk. I would definitely suggest group chats.
 
HighFlight55

HighFlight55

Experienced
Jun 28, 2023
266
I’m gonna write to you later, ok?
Whenever you feel up to it...

@UsagiDrop - the thought of using a different site had crossed my mine as well. I think as things become more organized, that may be a decision that needs to be made. Advantages to using this site is everyone already has an account, and it's built with the intention of anonymity. I also agree with your thoughts around ways to keep sensitive conversations private. More things that will need to be figured out.

As @venin said, suggestions are always welcome...
 
venin

venin

Text
Jul 28, 2023
767
I’m having some rough days right now so it really is not a good time for me.

I’ll get back at you all as soon as I feel I’m up to it.

Take care and feel free to discuss how we’re going to proceed while I am on the dark side 😵‍💫
 
S

SoftWorries

Specialist
Feb 22, 2023
331
Whenever you feel up to it...

@UsagiDrop - the thought of using a different site had crossed my mine as well. I think as things become more organized, that may be a decision that needs to be made. Advantages to using this site is everyone already has an account, and it's built with the intention of anonymity. I also agree with your thoughts around ways to keep sensitive conversations private. More things that will need to be figured out.

As @venin said, suggestions are always welcome...
I would suggest continuing to use this site during recovery and not moving off platform for a few reasons:

One is to make it easy for new members to find ongoing recovery efforts with an active recovery section.

Also as it is members can move back and forth between the different forums when they're having harder days therefore won't feel shame for continuing to have suicidal thoughts that are worse sometimes.

There is also the issue of safety. I think it's really good to support eachother in our recovery efforts but we need to recognize that that road looks different for each person. Unfortunately getting too close to members that go from recovering to actively suicidal could set someone back in their progress.

This is especially true if members see eachother as their only line to life. I have seen exactly this process play out in many eating disorder recovery communities including self harm and suicide threats when members felt they were not getting the support they needed from their 'lifeline'

So having one large group discussing ongoing recovery efforts is the best option I believe.

I would suggest creating a daily general discussion post like "Recovery discussion - August 16th" and going from there.

But perhaps this isn't the vision of a Recovery Pact that you had in mind?