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FlufflesAway

FlufflesAway

Student
Jul 31, 2024
102
I made this account on sleeping pills. I've been taking pills in my sleep again. been on pills for 2 days or something. wtf is wrong with me. i hate my life, and my unconscious hates me too llloololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol
funny funny i've finally gone made funny funny i hate myself so much i just want to be normal pls why
 
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HighFlight

HighFlight

Global Mod
Jun 28, 2023
664
i just want to be normal
Hello FluffiesAway, welcome to the site and this thread. Although, I don't enjoy welcoming people to the site, as it's an indication that they've hit a bad part in their life. Based on your post, it sounds like you've arrived.

Since you are posting here, I'm assuming you're not fully committed to a ctb path right now and are looking at recovery option. To start, you need to stop taking the sleeping pills long enough for the immediate effects to wear off.

Once you're there and if you are comfortable doing so, let me know what's going on. If you don't want to post that in a public thread, you're welcome to dm me.

I'm wishing you all the best. 💙
 
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D

Deleted member 8119

Warlock
Feb 6, 2024
765
I made this account on sleeping pills. I've been taking pills in my sleep again. been on pills for 2 days or something. wtf is wrong with me. i hate my life, and my unconscious hates me too llloololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol
funny funny i've finally gone made funny funny i hate myself so much i just want to be normal pls why
Welcome. Sorry you had to join here. :( Hopefully you'll see thos feelings are sadly common here, and you aren't a weird one. Feel free to post your feelings, people will be accepting.
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
I seem to forgot to do this today. I apologize.
but i plan to sleep in today
 
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BurgundySnap

BurgundySnap

Sick of being sick
Jul 19, 2023
76
I made this account on sleeping pills. I've been taking pills in my sleep again. been on pills for 2 days or something. wtf is wrong with me. i hate my life, and my unconscious hates me too llloololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol
funny funny i've finally gone made funny funny i hate myself so much i just want to be normal pls why
Hello FlufflesAway,

It seems you're in a really rough spot, to even be here in the first place. Like others have said, if you get to a place where you feel you can, you are welcomed to post freely about whatever you wish here.

I am glad you are able to find some comfort here. If you ever feel extra comfortable, we'd love to see some of your art.
Thank you for your nice words, HighFlight. They really mean a lot
Please understand my fear of anyone ever "knowing it was me". As a result, I created a sketch just for SaSu of a character from the manhwa "How to Survive as a Maid in a Horror Game". I like the manhwa! And another of an OC who was once scrapped, not anymore. I am sorry in advance if I delete this post due to nerves, however I feel comfortable posting this right now

Edit: I got immediately scared and deleted the second character. Perhaps it is more comfortable to privately show...
 

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HighFlight

HighFlight

Global Mod
Jun 28, 2023
664
Please understand my fear of anyone ever "knowing it was me".
First, your artwork is awesome. You are very talented, and I do understand your fears. No one irl knows that I'm here. So please remove your post if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you for sharing a part of you with us. 💙

If you decide to remove it and have any issues, send me a dm and I'll remove it for you.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,687
@BurgundySnap I'd like to see more of your artwork :-) It's awesome!
 
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BurgundySnap

BurgundySnap

Sick of being sick
Jul 19, 2023
76
First, your artwork is awesome. You are very talented, and I do understand your fears. No one irl knows that I'm here. So please remove your post if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you for sharing a part of you with us. 💙

If you decide to remove it and have any issues, send me a dm and I'll remove it for you.
Thank you very much, HighFlight! It felt nice sharing something like this with you all. That is very assuring about post deletion, I will definitely let you know if the case ever arises!

@Praestat_Mori Thank you! I would not mind to show you more!

I hope everyone is doing alright, or getting to a better place if possible. This thread sometimes goes quiet, and maybe it is alright since we are all doing our own things and are busy with our lives.
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
morning
 
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FlufflesAway

FlufflesAway

Student
Jul 31, 2024
102
Hello FluffiesAway, welcome to the site and this thread. Although, I don't enjoy welcoming people to the site, as it's an indication that they've hit a bad part in their life. Based on your post, it sounds like you've arrived.

Since you are posting here, I'm assuming you're not fully committed to a ctb path right now and are looking at recovery option. To start, you need to stop taking the sleeping pills long enough for the immediate effects to wear off.

Once you're there and if you are comfortable doing so, let me know what's going on. If you don't want to post that in a public thread, you're welcome to dm me.

I'm wishing you all the best. 💙
My mood has historically been low. Suicidal ideation since I was a child. I was given cannabis oil, and with it sometimes things just "pop" and I actually feel in the present. I default to thinking things logically in a positive manner, rather than the default being negative-think, and my previous grievances seem minor. I feel calm. I feel like I can do things if I choose to. And then it collapses. It's an emotional _rush_ down, and I'm back to my neurotic nervous spastic self who can't string a sentence together and who's tangled in the past more than the present, and the future doesn't even exist.

The good effect isn't reliable, and the bad effects outweigh it's usefulness. But, it's proven to me that what I feel by default is not normal. If everyone felt like me the world would collapse. They must be feeling something like my 'pop' state, which is not euphoric. Just bodily relaxed and able to think and command your attention. The difference is so dramatic from being in my default state, but it feels so what-I-imagine-normal-to-feel-like. I don't know if this is just getting "high" though. Are there acceptable pharma drugs that can get me to that or similar state? I'm beginning to think I don't need an antidepressant, but something that relaxes the body. My body seems to be stuck in a 'freeze' response.

The despair is that much greater when you realize things CAN and SHOULD feel different. And when you're oscillating between these states daily it's maddening and debilitating.
 
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S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
another monday morning
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
another tuesday morning
 
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Arahant

Arahant

Student
Jun 15, 2024
142
it's proven to me that what I feel by default is not normal. If everyone felt like me the world would collapse. They must be feeling something like my 'pop' state, which is not euphoric. Just bodily relaxed and able to think and command your attention. The difference is so dramatic from being in my default state, but it feels so what-I-imagine-normal-to-feel-like. I don't know if this is just getting "high" though. Are there acceptable pharma drugs that can get me to that or similar state? @FlufflesAway

As a former drug addict of many substances, I completely understand your sentiment.
What you experience is not just getting high.
Good chance it's anti-inflammation, helping your brain work properly for a while.

That "bodily relaxed and able to think and command attention" is pretty much a perfect description of being in mild ketosis.
Deeper ketosis, either from (cyclic) fasting or lowered protein intake causes proper euphoria.
Personally I prefer it over any stimulant I have ever tried.
It's the most natural, wholesome, joyful feeling of energy and safety I have ever found.
Way better than cocaine, amphetamine or modafinil.

Only way you can secure that feeling (and there are people living their daily life and whole lifetime in that state) is by adapting to burning fat for fuel, with zerocarb diet change. Exogenous ketones sadly don't work well.
Dr Chris Palmer has a book called "Brain Energy" that describes the science of how this works.
An interview from the carnivore space with a guy called Brett Lloyd describes a similar experience to yours.
He said cannabis was the only reliable anti-depressant for him, until he adopted the carnivore diet.
Seeing him tear up when he remembered the exact moment the diet kicked into gear and lifted the depression has me tear up too every time.

I know all this sounds crazy, especially if you ever read anything mainstream about nutrition..
...but we master crazy around here, don't we? ^^

Ask me anything about any of this if you feel like it.
@FlufflesAway Oh, and by the way, if you take pills in your sleep, maybe you could avoid that if you could get a time-locked safe.
I saw a guy use one of those to limit his cellphone usage.
You can set it up to 24 hours, and then it's just not accessible.
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
hey @Praestat_Mori hows it going?

My left shoulder aches, I had a tooth extracted last week and I didn't exercise at all yesterday. I started waking up later in the morning, which I does not make me feel good at all.
I am very afraid of relapsing.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,687
hey @Praestat_Mori hows it going?

My left shoulder aches, I had a tooth extracted last week and I didn't exercise at all yesterday. I started waking up later in the morning, which I does not make me feel good at all.
I am very afraid of relapsing.
I'm ok. Thx for asking. I'm alive but my life is living without me. Every day is just the same but all in all it's much better than it has been a year ago.

What's wrong with waking up later? I always follow my natural sleeping schedule. Do you go to bed later? For me - if I go to sleep an hour later I usually sleep an hour longer.

You won't relapse - you're strong! 🫂:heart:
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
I'm ok. Thx for asking. I'm alive but my life is living without me. Every day is just the same but all in all it's much better than it has been a year ago.

What's wrong with waking up later? I always follow my natural sleeping schedule. Do you go to bed later? For me - if I go to sleep an hour later I usually sleep an hour longer.

You won't relapse - you're strong! 🫂:heart:
Thnks, bro.

I just feel like, i can do more in the early morning and maybe go to sleep early, but i keep tossing and turning for hours, before i finally fall asleep.
Good to hear, it's getting better for you than it used to be.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,687
I just feel like, i can do more in the early morning and maybe go to sleep early, but i keep tossing and turning for hours, before i finally fall asleep.
I hate that, too. Not being able to fall asleep.
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
good morning
 
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Tesha

Tesha

Life too shall pass
May 31, 2020
911
Nice to see the old, familiar names on here. I've not logged on for a couple of weeks - decided to book a last minute holiday with the kids and thought a break would be good (got caught up in the Florida hurricane, but apart from that it was a nice break).

My MH has decreased; my ideation has increased - but I'm still posting in recovery. Still trying.
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
good morning
 
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D

deathwish4ev

Member
May 15, 2024
10
trying to get better, been a NEET for the past 10 years, leeching off of other people and just doomscrolling. Ive utterly atrophied my ability to work and focus but I can't kill myself cuz i have a strong support network of loving friends. Ive fried my memory on benzos & i struggle a lot with being overwhelmed with day to day tasks of adulting. Does anyone have any tips for building endurance and being less overwhelmed
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,687
trying to get better, been a NEET for the past 10 years, leeching off of other people and just doomscrolling. Ive utterly atrophied my ability to work and focus but I can't kill myself cuz i have a strong support network of loving friends. Ive fried my memory on benzos & i struggle a lot with being overwhelmed with day to day tasks of adulting. Does anyone have any tips for building endurance and being less overwhelmed
I don't know any solutions but I agree being a NEET can be so draining. I'm glad you have a strong support network behind you.
 
S

stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
we win a weekend!
 

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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,687
@stillunemployed Awesome photos! I don't remember when I last wandered through green nature ... Thx for sharing your photos! :heart:
 
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whywere

Illuminated
Jun 26, 2020
3,036
I took a short walk in a different location, and grabbed a few more pictures with some friends...

View attachment 146307View attachment 146308View attachment 146309
Absolutely outstanding photos! I REALLY loved not only the subject matter, but all the expertise of taking the photos from the angles to the lighting, everything, FANTASTIC!

Thank you so much for sharing, just so lovely.

Walter
Like @Praestat_Mori so kindly said to you @stillunemployed your photos are FANTASTIC!

I wish that I had the GOD given talent like you to be able to visualize so that everyone can enjoy, just WONDERFUL!

Walter
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
Well its another monday....
@Praestat_Mori
@whywere
Thank you.

Its the same route i take almost every day. Too hot this week though
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
11,687
Its the same route i take almost every day. Too hot this week though
Summer is over soon. I have to say that this years summer was and still is pretty nice where I live - nothing to complain about it unlike last year. I only hope the winter won't be too cold and not too wet!!!
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
It's a hot and lazy tuesday, i dont want to do anything, i have another interview tomorrow afternoon and freaking the fuck out.

I haven't taken a shower in days and havent exerisized, so i feel terrible. Like animal trapped in it's own head.
 
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stillunemployed

lol lmao
Jun 1, 2023
307
missed yesterday. Interview went well, factory floor for meat packing. Got a good feeling about this one, but those are frequently false so i dont know.

my family is just intentionally being antagonistic now, so i guess i dont have much of a future anyway
 

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