"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[Makoto]

I find difficult to understand other people but you're very strong for that, I am proud of you
Today was a bit deppresing, some little bad thoughts and paranoia are coming this way, hopefully i am trying to get my mind cold again, hope i can make it

common, you have this, you are a strong person.

 

[HighFlight]

common, you have this, you are a strong person.

And so do you!

Hello @Makoto, and welcome to the thread.

It's a lot to take in, and dysphoria is difficult. I'm sorry you're going through that, but in the end, it sounds like you're handling very well. My daughter is suffering from it, and as a parent, it's very difficult to watch, especially knowing there is nothing you can do to fix it. I just do my best to support her.

Wishing you all the best, and hope you will keep posting to provide updates on how you're doing, seek support, and bring that positive energy to a place where everyone needs some positivity.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Hi and welcome @Makoto

 

[Makoto]

Hi and welcome @Makoto

hi, thanks

And so do you!

Hello @Makoto, and welcome to the thread.

It's a lot to take in, and dysphoria is difficult. I'm sorry you're going through that, but in the end, it sounds like you're handling very well. My daughter is suffering from it, and as a parent, it's very difficult to watch, especially knowing there is nothing you can do to fix it. I just do my best to support her.

Wishing you all the best, and hope you will keep posting to provide updates on how you're doing, seek support, and bring that positive energy to a place where everyone needs some positivity.

I'm sorry for your daughter, but I'm glad she has you... it helps a lot to have people who love you around to help. I wish you and her the best.


This week I have been very isolated, due to emotional instability... I don't like to be around people when I am so unstable. So I've taken the time to read some books that I wanted to read, and well... reading is great, and it helps me calm down the ideas in my head.

I hope you are well and I wish you all the strength in the world.

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

I got severely sick... maybe that's why I can't think clearly, I will have to spent money... I was saving to build a pc and pay my studies but ughhh

My mind feels weak and weird... and I have a very intense pain in my bowels and muscles and head...

I will check a doctor nearby but i will have to spend money and that's what it hurts the most lol, but what gives.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend! and sprry for not posting everyday I am very very tired too... weirdly tired

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I got severely sick... maybe that's why I can't think clearly, I will have to spent money... I was saving to build a pc and pay my studies but ughhh

My mind feels weak and weird... and I have a very intense pain in my bowels and muscles and head...

I will check a doctor nearby but i will have to spend money and that's what it hurts the most lol, but what gives.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend! and sprry for not posting everyday I am very very tired too... weirdly tired

I'm sorry you're sick. Don't you have health insurance where you live? I hope you get well soon and the doc doesn't charge too much.

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

I'm sorry you're sick. Don't you have health insurance where you live? I hope you get well soon and the doc doesn't charge too much.

I don't, in my job there's no contract (because i work for my parents lolz), but that's ok I just need to save for a few days and I'll go to the doctor.
I feel better today, but i will still check it out, thanks a lot for asking

Today was very quick, hope i can do the stuff i need to do tomorrow finally

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't, in my job there's no contract (because i work for my parents lolz),

That's such a big advantage for you!!!

 

[894uhjdjfn38hcnwm23]

I apologize for not writing these past few days. I am employed now and the feeling is good and I hope it will stay somewhere there abouts.

It's a lot of work, I am now much busier since I am trying to maintain my exercise regimen as well. Also I will need to prepare to go back to school to finally get a degree.

I will say it plainly: this forum is just too depressing for me now and this feeling used to quite addictive, but it does not serve me now. I need to go forward.
I will try to be active, if only for the people posting in this thread, because I care about you deeply and am very worried about all of you.

I'll much more active on discord channels, it's a chiller place. If anyone wants an invite I can send you a pm.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I am employed now and the feeling is good and I hope it will stay somewhere there abouts.

That's super good news! Congrats on the new job! I'm glad you were lucky - finally! Good luck!!

and as usual, gorgeous photos!!!

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

That's such a big advantage for you!!!

I work 70 hours a week and I make like 15 dollars a day (My country minimun wage) and my mother always reminds me I don't do anything in her eyes but at the same time she tells me I am the fastest...

common, you have this, you are a strong person.

I don't know, it may be maniac depression
Today it was alright, almost lost it but i am still up

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I work 70 hours a week and I make like 15 dollars a day (My country minimun wage) and my mother always reminds me I don't do anything in her eyes but at the same time she tells me I am the fastest...

I don't know, it may be maniac deppresion
Today it was alright, almost lost it but i am still up

70h a week for 15$ a day. You don't need to reveal where you actually live but that sounds like a "3rd world country". But what I meant with advantage is - you can work in the family business that's totally different than working as just an employee in any other business. Your family most likely won't fire you!

I don't know, it may be maniac depression
Today it was alright, almost lost it but i am still up

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

70h a week for 15$ a day. You don't need to reveal where you actually live but that sounds like a "3rd world country". But what I meant with advantage is - you can work in the family business that's totally different than working as just an employee in any other business. Your family most likely won't fire you!

Yeah but sadly today it was very shit, my mother told me i should share a room with my sister bf (he is 16) and i would need to move a lot of stuff and sell it, stuff i need and i didn't planned to sell so soon, ofc i was already planning to rent a place with this guy, 2 bedrooms so we could have more space and the rent wouldn't be so expensive for either of us, but he said he didn't wanted anymore and he wants to stay in our house (his mother abandoned him with us kinda) and know i have to get a place and it will fuck up my savings

I was planning to move to the USA like maybe in later January or February to save a little bit more of money but my mother told me she needs me because they're going to open other foodstand and they need me... and besides someone told me now I actually need more than 3K dollars to safely start a life in USA and I will prob need 10K more and that's insane, I will need to save a fuckton of money and rent will suck it all, literally I will not be able to save any money at all, and if I do get a second job I will be massively tired and I won't be able to keep drawing and learning Italian and my guitar, I will just be there and I won't be able to make it... I won't be able to make it...

My mother prefers to help a fucking stranger rather than me. it always been like this anyways, that's why I am so tired of this country and everybody....

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Yeah but sadly today it was very shit, my mother told me i should share a room with my sister bf (he is 16) and i would need to move a lot of stuff and sell it, stuff i need and i didn't planned to sell so soon, ofc i was already planning to rent a place with this guy, 2 bedrooms so we could have more space and the rent wouldn't be so expensive for either of us, but he said he didn't wanted anymore and he wants to stay in our house (his mother abandoned him with us kinda) and know i have to get a place and it will fuck up my savings

Sounds difficult and selling own stuff if we don't want to sell it, sucks.

I was planning to move to the USA like maybe in later January or February to save a little bit more of money but my mother told me she needs me because they're going to open other foodstand and they need me... and besides someone told me now I actually need more than 3K dollars to safely start a life in USA and I will prob need 10K more and that's insane, I will need to save a fuckton of money and rent will suck it all, literally I will not be able to save any money at all, and if I do get a second job I will be massively tired and I won't be able to keep drawing and learning Italian and my guitar, I will just be there and I won't be able to make it... I won't be able to make it...

Emigrating isn't an easy task and I would say even 10k USD aren't that much anymore in the US.

My mother prefers to help a fucking stranger rather than me. it always been like this anyways, that's why I am so tired of this country and everybody....

That sucks! She should support you.

 

[894uhjdjfn38hcnwm23]

good morning

 

[Makoto]

I apologize for not writing these past few days. I am employed now and the feeling is good and I hope it will stay somewhere there abouts.

It's a lot of work, I am now much busier since I am trying to maintain my exercise regimen as well. Also I will need to prepare to go back to school to finally get a degree.

I will say it plainly: this forum is just too depressing for me now and this feeling used to quite addictive, but it does not serve me now. I need to go forward.
I will try to be active, if only for the people posting in this thread, because I care about you deeply and am very worried about all of you.

I'll much more active on discord channels, it's a chiller place. If anyone wants an invite I can send you a pm.

You seem to be moving forward with your life... I'm so happy for you, and the photos are incredible. I love sunset and country images

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

Sounds difficult and selling own stuff if we don't want to sell it, sucks.


Emigrating isn't an easy task and I would say even 10k USD aren't that much anymore in the US.


That sucks! She should support you.

Yeah, i'd need at least a year and another job for me to keep up with my rent and everything and that would be fucked

I already work 70 hours a week, having another job at least a half time one like 6 hours, have a free day each week would be like 106 hours a week, I hope my health helps my mind not to easily break... A year with only 4 hours of sleep can cause many mental health issues... But is a risk I am willing to take.....
Love all of you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Yeah, i'd need at least a year and another job for me to keep up with my rent and everything and that would be fucked

I already work 70 hours a week, having another job at least a half time one like 6 hours, have a free day each week would be like 106 hours a week, I hope my health helps my mind not to easily break... A year with only 4 hours of sleep can cause many mental health issues... But is a risk I am willing to take.....
Love all of you

I understand that you're willing to take the risk and I would say the younger you are the better you can manage this risk but always keep in mind that if your a (mental) wreck at the time you achieved your goal it's still worth nothing. I wish I could help you. I hope you can achieve your goals and everything you wish for in your life! Good luck with whatever you gonna do!

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

I understand that you're willing to take the risk and I would say the younger you are the better you can manage this risk but always keep in mind that if your a (mental) wreck at the time you achieved your goal it's still worth nothing. I wish I could help you. I hope you can achieve your goals and everything you wish for in your life! Good luck with whatever you gonna do!

Thanks a lot, I appreciate your words, I am 19 so I guess with a new healthy diet (no more chicken and rice only lol) and add cardio exercise I will do it well, thanks a lot hope you do swell too, best of luck

Today was kinda nice

 

[894uhjdjfn38hcnwm23]

good morning

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

Goodnight!

 

[Night_Crew]

I'm really not doing well at the moment. It seems somewhat pathetic, but 3-4 years ago, following the end of a 10 year relationship, my life collapsed. I've since done some things I'm really ashamed about and keep secret. I've isolated myself from everyone and seem to be caught in a loop which ends up with me back here every few weeks. I'm 34 and am pathetic. I would do anything to feel better, but only get temporary respite from drugs and if I'm lucky, sleep.

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

I'm really not doing well at the moment. It seems somewhat pathetic, but 3-4 years ago, following the end of a 10 year relationship, my life collapsed. I've since done some things I'm really ashamed about and keep secret. I've isolated myself from everyone and seem to be caught in a loop which ends up with me back here every few weeks. I'm 34 and am pathetic. I would do anything to feel better, but only get temporary respite from drugs and if I'm lucky, sleep.

You shouldn't feel pathetic, ending a 10 year relationship is very tough, and for the loop i can relate, i was in one before and i am getting out rn and the only thing i can say is that you need to keep trying, every smaller step counts because each smaller step you do will lead to a bigger step
Just don't let negative thoughts overwhelm you, keep thinking you will get out of it and think of each smaller step you take and feel proud of it
You can do it

Today was a tired, kinda deppresing day, but I know tomorrow i will feel better

 

[Sir. Turnerkof]

I just feel weird, but i will keep trying

 

[LoneMarineBitterman]

I can feel within myself a sense of worry and panic arising. It's been fairly easy to mark off finishing school as a later me issue, something to worry about when I actually get there. "I've still got three terms!", pretty quickly turned into two and then one. Now I'm in the last week of term three. It's starting to scare me that there's one final set of holidays and then it's exam period.
I obviously fear the exams themselves—all of the revision and worry of doing good on them, but I also fear the change of routine. I've never not been doing school. I've never not been in a very regulated, familiar environment. It seems pretty silly to mention, because usually the routine is replaced with either tertiary study or work but... It still worries me.

The suicidal element surrounding everything also doesn't help. It's not just that I don't know what I want to do after school, I struggle to know how much I want to live. It feels hard to want to push for the exams, when in my head I can't remove the idea that I could just end up taking my own life in 3, 6, or 12 months after school. Then it seems dumb to not go for it in the event I keep living. I'm well aware the exams and their scores don't dictate a life and that there's a lot of pathways into higher education or specialised work regardless of how you do. I guess for me it just makes sense to give it a good crack while I'm here; I'm just not sure if I can or maybe even want to.

This is just a bit of a vent or rant I suppose, a written expression of my feelings.
To end on a different note: I started playing a custom megawad (complete set of 32 levels), for the original Doom 2 last night. It's pretty enjoyable. I personally like levels that emulate (or at least take big cues from) the original 1994 ones and the wad does a very good job of doing that.

 

[HighFlight]

Wow, it seems like this thread has begun to die off. It's been a little over a year since Venin started this. We've seen many people come and go, and the nature of the discussions has changed over time. But it's always been here for me. I'm a little sad to see it slow down.

Last year, in the spirit of this threads intent, I vowed...

I vow to continue to search for my life purpose - my reason for living which was abruptly stolen from me a few years ago.

Well, I continue to search, and spend my days between working, supporting my children with own MH issues, and keeping a dying marriage alive. Maybe that is my life's purpose, but it doesn't feel like it's enough.

Good news - The 'kids' are both doing better, one significantly so. As they grow older and less dependent, I'm not sure where that leaves me. Am I close to completing my work here?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not pulling the plug on either myself or this thread. But I do want to make sure we can provide a safe, supportive space for people to talk, vent, share ideas. Post about what's going well, and whats not working for you. Talk your fears, excitement, sadness, and joy.

So if this current method isn't working for you, please pass along some ideas on how we can improve. Ironically, the forum has a large collection of Recovery resources

I wish you all a little peace on our journey through this lifetime.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

@HighFlight Yeah, the thread activity slowed down recently. Unfortunately, we don't know whether it's positive or negative but I hope that everyone here found a way to recover and they got their lives in order again. That is what we can and should hope for if people stop posting here in the recovery section.

I've got nothing much to say here either. I'm kinda recovered but it's not a real recovery. Things only got better on the surface bc I stopped fighting and my problems aren't solved at all.

The actual reason is only things didn't get worse. That's not a strong recovery base rather it's a fragile situation that can become much worse again with the slightest thing that disturbed the tranquility.

 

[username90493486]

Well, I continue to search, and spend my days between working, supporting my children with own MH issues, and keeping a dying marriage alive. Maybe that is my life's purpose, but it doesn't feel like it's enough.

You helped so many people and will continue to. Without your efforts some people would be suffering horribly. There's even more you can do.

 

[MentalFuneral]

I was so convinced I was going to kill myself, and that it was the only option for me, for most of my life. Ive been a lurker of this forum for years before I signed up this month. I was researching SN as a method for a long time, pouring over the details and when and where I'd do it. I went to bed a few nights ago after reading a thread on this forum about a young woman who killed herself using SN, and although we can't know for sure, its pretty safe to assume she was in a lot of pain. I was awoken at 4 am with a stabbing pain in my stomach, and nausea. I tried falling back asleep, but I wasnt able to overcome it even after vomiting. Pretty sure it was something like minor food poisoning. Eventually I resorted to taking an antiemetic to calm my body down. All I could think about the entire time was how this would be what my death would be like... And I realized how horrible and sad it would be to experience my final moments like that, all alone.

I think I don't want to die yet. Not until I really have no other choice. I just don't know how to go forward from here... or how to change. I have no friends, no partner, nobody who cares about me. My family couldn't care less about me or my feelings. I cannot afford a therapist. I'm pursuing something I'm not interested in as a career, just as a means of survival. The only thing I'm good at in this life is probably one of the worst career options you can pick and a total joke. It makes me feel tremendous pain all the time. I don't feel like I belong in this world, I feel like an alien. I just don't know what meaningful action to take anymore, I'm frozen from the overwhelming pain. If anyone has any ideas I'm more than open to hearing them, I really just need some ideas or perspective at this point...

 

[HighFlight]

Hello @MentalFuneral - Welcome to the thread. I'm sorry for all you are going through, but am glad to see you're exploring options before choosing your path.

First, you always have options; you've already made a choice - you decided to give life a chance. CTB can wait. Now's the harder part...

It sounds like you're in a tough situation without an irl support network. I would recommend that you look through the Recovery Resources on this site, as well as looking for local resources in your location. Where I am, there are a few groups that could help. (They won't help me. I'm too old.)

If you feel comfortable and safe, please share some additional details. What is your current situation (at school, working etc)? Age? What are you good at, and what are you learning to get a job survival job.

If you don't feel comfortable sharing publicly, you are welcome to dm me.

Regardless of your choices, I truly hope that you can find some peace.