I think this evening..

[Seaghost]

Got some ambien at least.
Last night here. Very kindly nurses. They've got big appreciation to me but the doctor has the higher position.

Someone asked bout my opionion for the tibetian book of dead. Sorry mate I couldn't have a look at it so far.

I'm glad to have some chemical help.
But what'll be tomorrow?!

Need to find peace once more...puh

 

[Alec]

I'm with you and I'm thinking about you! Stay strong, I'll try to do the same. I hope it works out somehow for you, you deserve it! Love you, forever

 

[Seaghost]

Thank you very much Alec.
My best wishes for you :).


Waitin' for doctors letter.
He said I could come back if I want to.

10. may a new life begann.
10. septembre a another life beginns
Will try to close pandoras box today or at least try to burn the palpable memories of my ex.

Try fo fight against the emptiness.
When I'm "home" I just want to fall into my bed. Would be nice to wake up and find out I'm dead :).

 

[Seaghost]

Hey Boys 'n Girls
it's been awhile...

The last months I read here silently.
Thoughts came and go. And yes the thinking about leaving this planet is still inside of me. Most of the time its manageable.

Birthday of my Ex was 14.05.....she went 30. Sent a reserved Message and got the same back. She's doing fine but I understand: the train's gone...

Beside that my bodys pain getting worse. Often im exhausted to death.
Often I don't know what to do. Don't understand gods plan...

God? By the way I think he's got a new idea to annoy me:
My roommate had a visit by a friend of her....a woman that thunderstrucked my whole body :/.
She's gifted, loves rock and is really beautiful.
But....
she's 18 and I am 37
Why just her....

I got her mobilephone number. She lives 300 kilometres away. We write very much. I can't stop it...
Don't know in which direction this game will run into.

Just want to caress her cheek and look into her eyes.
THAN it's ok if I die :).

But I think gods plan will be another cruel thing...as always

 

[Soul]

@Seaghost, it's good to see your typeface. I'm sorry you're still in so much pain. (((Hug)))

 

[Seaghost]

Thank you :),

sadly I didin't make it to read Tibetan Book of the Dead. Time will come.
I try to read Pim van Lommel NDE Book. Really interesting but my brain don't allow me to consume much of it. Step by Step.

 

[Seaghost]

BÄM!

Here it is again the call of death. The sweet whispering.

Fighting feelings again. The same old process.
It makes me feeling weak again...and again...and again.

Sunday...I understood (got?) the right person wrong despite using error correction of my mind.
But it sounded so true and tangible.

 

[Seaghost]

Up and down and up and down.

Lying in my bed. Feels like a rock squeezing me. The pain in the heart makes me wanna cut my body with a knife. I deserve it.
It hurts . Breathing is difficult

 

[Ulisses]

May your day be peaceful and comfortable.

 

[Seaghost]

That means much to me. Thank you Ulisses.

 

[Seaghost]

Sweet SN, sweet N, sweet freedom
I don't have any of these.

10. septembre 2019 it should have been done.

What I got is a terrible heavy heart. A brain with no ability to use.

Scream. I want to scream but I can't. I'm too weak.
And cry...need to cry. So much pressure inside.

To live is a curse.
fatique....

God? What kind of joke is that?

Help me please!!!