Discussion Don't even think of non methods

[ctb_warrior]

I can see a lot of people who visit SaSu are so desperate to die. That desperation is understandable. I have been desperate to die as well. Unfortunately, I'm still alive after trying to ctb for the last 23 years.

My humble request to anyone who's desperate and wants to ctb asap, please take a step back, don't let your desperation make you try a non method or fail in executing an actual method.

A failed attempt only brings more frustration.

Take a step back, plan well, and then, execute a proper method with as much surety as possible.

Good luck

Wish you all, all the love, luck, peace and success

 

[N@te]

I can see a lot of people who visit SaSu are so desperate to die. That desperation is understandable. I have been desperate to die as well. Unfortunately, I'm still alive after trying to ctb for the last 23 years.

My humble request to anyone who's desperate and wants to ctb asap, please take a step back, don't let your desperation make you try a non method or fail in executing an actual method.

A failed attempt only brings more frustration.

Take a step back, plan well, and then, execute a proper method with as much surety as possible.

Good luck

Wish you all, all the love, luck, peace and success

If you are considering using some random drug(s), make sure to at least research them a bit first. At the very least, google the ld50. It's fine to make a thread asking about px drugs, but there's a good chance no one will reply with useful information.

 

[ctb_warrior]

If you are considering using some random drug(s), make sure to at least research them a bit first. At the very least, google the ld50. It's fine to make a thread asking about px drugs, but there's a good chance no one will reply with useful information.

That's interesting. I'll Google that. And it's very important to research before trying OD. Most of my attempts were OD and i used to go by the side effects mentioned. They used to mention that benzos can lead to death. I have tried the most extreme attempt possible. I used 40 strips of ativan that I borrowed from my home. I was only knocked out for 6-7 days.

You are right. Before SaSu, i asked so many people on other socials, to help me with a way that could help me CTB. A lot of people know other ways to CTB, but they don't want to get into any trouble so they gatekeep it. I had heard of a method using Celphos, Indian farmers used it to ctb extensively. Now, they have modified the composition of Celphos such that it's not possible to ctb using that.
Similarly, there'd be a lot of other ways that are hidden in plain sight.
I just googled ld50, it's insightful, thanks for this . It's worth the research

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

If you are considering using some random drug(s), make sure to at least research them a bit first. At the very least, google the ld50. It's fine to make a thread asking about px drugs, but there's a good chance no one will reply with useful information.

Why ODs Fail Miserably (A Guide)

There's still a lot of questions and inquiries about ODs, and people asking about what things may facilitate a successful attempt. Let's be clear, ODs are rarely fatal. Why? For a couple of reasons: (1) modern medications are designed to be very safe, as manufacturers aim to avoid deaths that...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Passenger4224]

What happens if for whatever reason someone doesnt have access to a method that does work, and only has access to a nonmethod?

(This is a hypothetical question, I don't know how likely it is of someone actually being in this situation)

This isn't me, but if it was, I'd try a nonmethod knowing I'll probably fail, just because I hate this life so much I'd rather try to die (risking becoming a vegetable) and fail than not try at all. But I've never attempted before. For those with experience - is this a bad take?

For OP, I'm curious, with all the attempts you've done for all those years, do you regret any? I'm so sorry you've been struggling and attempting for so long

 

[ctb_warrior]

What happens if for whatever reason someone doesnt have access to a method that does work, and only has access to a nonmethod?

(This is a hypothetical question, I don't know how likely it is of someone actually being in this situation)

This isn't me, but if it was, I'd try a nonmethod knowing I'll probably fail, just because I hate this life so much I'd rather try to die (risking becoming a vegetable) and fail than not try at all. But I've never attempted before. For those with experience - is this a bad take?

For OP, I'm curious, with all the attempts you've done for all those years, do you regret any? I'm so sorry you've been struggling and attempting for so long

That's a really beautiful question and I'm glad you asked this.

I would love to answer this

I don't really regret any of my CTB attempts in the past, as i made sure that no matter how desperate I was I didn't do anything that would leave me in a limbo. Like, crippled or may be brain dead or brain damaged.

I still wish to CTB and I'll when the right time comes, when I'll have the right method that I'm sure of


If someone doesn't have a method, my strong advice from my own experience is to not attempt anything if one doesn't have a proper method. Because most of the non methods may have long term implications and may cripple someone or create disabilities that can prevent them for attempting a full fledged CTB attempt in future.

So, my advice is, wait for the right opportunity, look for the right method that suits you, go for it only when you are assured that you'll attain peace that you look for


I landed in ICU twice..and that was not a pleasant experience. I can't handle that now when I'm twice that age..

So, I'm just waiting for the right moment and right method
Thanks for asking this question. Feel free to ask any other question that comes to your mind

Why ODs Fail Miserably (A Guide)

There's still a lot of questions and inquiries about ODs, and people asking about what things may facilitate a successful attempt. Let's be clear, ODs are rarely fatal. Why? For a couple of reasons: (1) modern medications are designed to be very safe, as manufacturers aim to avoid deaths that...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I'm not sure how did i miss this comment.
You are absolutely right.
ODs are a big no

I'm the living proof of that.
I tried everything i could . The worst, 40 strips of ativan that's a benzo.
Nothing happens.. The internet lies. It says that one could land in coma or even death.
That's a lie.
I was only knocked off for a week. And i was fine after that. I thought i would never wake up.. But here I'm several years later, alive to tell the tale

 

[Serena 2026]

Aside from the overdose—the meds didn't work, I ended up in a coma and the ICU, and my brain swelled severely, so it took a while for me to get better (if you can even call it that, haha)—some time later I had a cerebral thrombosis. That meant more days and days in the ICU; my neurologist said it was likely due to my CTB, but anyway, I ended up recovering without any lasting physical effects... except for the emotional ones, of course!!

 

[ctb_warrior]

Aside from the overdose—the meds didn't work, I ended up in a coma and the ICU, and my brain swelled severely, so it took a while for me to get better (if you can even call it that, haha)—some time later I had a cerebral thrombosis. That meant more days and days in the ICU; my neurologist said it was likely due to my CTB, but anyway, I ended up recovering without any lasting physical effects... except for the emotional ones, of course!!

Damn, it'd have been tough..ICU trips are quite difficult.
I'm glad you recovered from the physical effects atleast.
ODs are so terrible that they do nothing enough to cause the main goal of CTB. I wish you peace when you OD this time with the peaceful pill take care

 

[Passenger4224]

I'm not sure how did i miss this comment.
You are absolutely right.
ODs are a big no

I'm the living proof of that.
I tried everything i could . The worst, 40 strips of ativan that's a benzo.
Nothing happens.. The internet lies. It says that one could land in coma or even death.
That's a lie.
I was only knocked off for a week. And i was fine after that. I thought i would never wake up.. But here I'm several years later, alive to tell the tale

OD is definitely the worst "method" discussed here. Besides cop gunshot. These two I would absolutely never try, even with my earlier comment!

 

[ctb_warrior]

OD is definitely the worst "method" discussed here. Besides cop gunshot. These two I would absolutely never try, even with my earlier comment!

So true. I have relied on OD to attempt ctb most of my life and i have failed at ctb miserably

 

[N@te]

Aside from the overdose—the meds didn't work, I ended up in a coma and the ICU, and my brain swelled severely, so it took a while for me to get better (if you can even call it that, haha)—some time later I had a cerebral thrombosis. That meant more days and days in the ICU; my neurologist said it was likely due to my CTB, but anyway, I ended up recovering without any lasting physical effects... except for the emotional ones, of course!!

you probably had lasting physical effects that just weren't significant enough to be noticed, or weren't attributed to the attempt

 

[Fish]

That's interesting. I'll Google that. And it's very important to research before trying OD. Most of my attempts were OD and i used to go by the side effects mentioned. They used to mention that benzos can lead to death. I have tried the most extreme attempt possible. I used 40 strips of ativan that I borrowed from my home. I was only knocked out for 6-7 days.

You are right. Before SaSu, i asked so many people on other socials, to help me with a way that could help me CTB. A lot of people know other ways to CTB, but they don't want to get into any trouble so they gatekeep it. I had heard of a method using Celphos, Indian farmers used it to ctb extensively. Now, they have modified the composition of Celphos such that it's not possible to ctb using that.
Similarly, there'd be a lot of other ways that are hidden in plain sight.
I just googled ld50, it's insightful, thanks for this . It's worth the research

Ah that's real interesting about the Celphos! Ironically SN was for many years a method hidden in plain sight...

 

[ctb_warrior]

Ah that's real interesting about the Celphos! Ironically SN was for many years a method hidden in plain sight...

So true. If at all I knew about SN even 3-4 years ago while it was still available, I could have managed to CTB. Now it's no longer available easily.
I came to know about celphos while discussing with a college mate. I didn't tell him that i wanted to ctb. So he told me about it.

 

[Fish]

So true. If at all I knew about SN even 3-4 years ago while it was still available, I could have managed to CTB. Now it's no longer available easily.
I came to know about celphos while discussing with a college mate. I didn't tell him that i wanted to ctb. So he told me about it.

For me I regret not buying N when it was available. It was everywhere, when I first joined the site
Hmm...besides celphos, is SN also a very well known method in India? I had a random thought but maybe you could try getting to know people who preserve meat as a hobby and asking around for sources.

 

[ctb_warrior]

For me I regret not buying N when it was available. It was everywhere, when I first joined the site
Hmm...besides celphos, is SN also a very well known method in India? I had a random thought but maybe you could try getting to know people who preserve meat as a hobby and asking around for sources.

Woah N used to be available earlier? In India, I have never seen nembutal at any pharmacy.
SN isn't a well known method yet but there's a murder case in India where murderer utilised SN to kill 11+ people and upon getting caught by the police, he used SN to ctb to avoid punishment. I noticed in the last one year, SN has disappeared from sites. Earlier it was available on Amazon. Lol. I wish i had known how effective SN is.
That's a good idea. I'll look around. As such, people buy freshly cut meat in India unlike the West, where you can buy neatly cut pieces stored in proper packaging.
So my best guess is, 5 star hotels and good restaurants in India would be using SN for meat to store meat in their stock. I'll confirm this with a friend who has done hotel management

 

[Fish]

Woah N used to be available earlier? In India, I have never seen nembutal at any pharmacy.
SN isn't a well known method yet but there's a murder case in India where murderer utilised SN to kill 11+ people and upon getting caught by the police, he used SN to ctb to avoid punishment. I noticed in the last one year, SN has disappeared from sites. Earlier it was available on Amazon. Lol. I wish i had known how effective SN is.
That's a good idea. I'll look around. As such, people buy freshly cut meat in India unlike the West, where you can buy neatly cut pieces stored in proper packaging.
So my best guess is, 5 star hotels and good restaurants in India would be using SN for meat to store meat in their stock. I'll confirm this with a friend who has done hotel management

No not buy N from the shelf haha. But it was very available on dark net markets, there were so many sources shared on SaSu, N from A, N from D etc...I didn't buy because the cost was quite expensive and I thought dark net markets were like piracy, very resilient and always come back after closure. I didn't expect them to completely stop selling it.
But I hope you can find SN from your hotel friend! I thought of this as I began exploring home meat preservation and found a large group of meat preservation hobby people where I stay who are quite angry at not being able to find pure unmixed SN anymore and are trying to network with each other to buy as a registered company

 

[ctb_warrior]

No not buy N from the shelf haha. But it was very available on dark net markets, there were so many sources shared on SaSu, N from A, N from D etc...I didn't buy because the cost was quite expensive and I thought dark net markets were like piracy, very resilient and always come back after closure. I didn't expect them to completely stop selling it.
But I hope you can find SN from your hotel friend! I thought of this as I began exploring home meat preservation and found a large group of meat preservation hobby people where I stay who are quite angry at not being able to find pure unmixed SN anymore and are trying to network with each other to buy as a registered company

Ahhh yes.. i read that in pph and sasu. There was a well known source of N who was arrested in 2022. Ever since, no legit source has surfaced. I have found a group on telegram that says pentobarbital nembutal euthanasia.
I'm not sure if it's legit. He posts photos there. But my instinct says, if it's on telegram, its likely a scam.

That's interesting. I was thinking jokingly, to break into a vet shop and steal N on gunpoint

I have come to know SN is available abundantly in Czech and Brazil. Can we somehow source from there? Although i believe they are non English speaking countries so may be if people from those countries could help us coordinate. Although i don't know, it may still be caught at the customs and trigger a welfare check

 

[Fish]

Yeah...although I think PPH mentions there are still sources in Peru it sounds difficult. Imagine going yourself into some strange foreign land, sounds very vulnerable!
I need to manifest myself into a cancer stricken cat. Maybe the vet will help me then
Yes I think it is still over the shelf in Brazil, but maybe B&M is a better way...if I actually can figure it out!

 

[ctb_warrior]

Yeah...although I think PPH mentions there are still sources in Peru it sounds difficult. Imagine going yourself into some strange foreign land, sounds very vulnerable!
I need to manifest myself into a cancer stricken cat. Maybe the vet will help me then
Yes I think it is still over the shelf in Brazil, but maybe B&M is a better way...if I actually can figure it out!

You are right, there are sources in Peru. Although, a guy from peru is on sasu, he himself is not able to find it in peru.
Haha cancer stricken cat is a good idea
B&M is better yeah.. How to figure these sources out is a bit of challenge

 

[Serena 2026]

Damn, it'd have been tough..ICU trips are quite difficult.
I'm glad you recovered from the physical effects atleast.
ODs are so terrible that they do nothing enough to cause the main goal of CTB. I wish you peace when you OD this time with the peaceful pill take care

Yes, my friend, soon—and thank you... I hope you find your peace peacefully, too!!

you probably had lasting physical effects that just weren't significant enough to be noticed, or weren't attributed to the attempt

Yes, absolutely. On top of that, after that, I was committed to a public psychiatric hospital for a year and they loaded me up on meds, which made my situation worse!!

So true. If at all I knew about SN even 3-4 years ago while it was still available, I could have managed to CTB. Now it's no longer available easily.
I came to know about celphos while discussing with a college mate. I didn't tell him that i wanted to ctb. So he told me about it.

When I first got into Sasu and started looking into it, I honestly wasn't excited about SN; in fact, I found it terrifying... there were so many accounts suggesting it wouldn't be a peaceful exit, and I'm a bit of a coward... I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of the pain, the panic of not being able to breathe... I don't know... that method just isn't for me!!

Ahhh yes.. i read that in pph and sasu. There was a well known source of N who was arrested in 2022. Ever since, no legit source has surfaced. I have found a group on telegram that says pentobarbital nembutal euthanasia.
I'm not sure if it's legit. He posts photos there. But my instinct says, if it's on telegram, its likely a scam.

That's interesting. I was thinking jokingly, to break into a vet shop and steal N on gunpoint

I have come to know SN is available abundantly in Czech and Brazil. Can we somehow source from there? Although i believe they are non English speaking countries so may be if people from those countries could help us coordinate. Although i don't know, it may still be caught at the customs and trigger a welfare check

Don't steal it, hahaha—you could get caught, and then it's goodbye CTB... Can't you travel to Peru? You can buy it there, believe me!

Yeah...although I think PPH mentions there are still sources in Peru it sounds difficult. Imagine going yourself into some strange foreign land, sounds very vulnerable!
I need to manifest myself into a cancer stricken cat. Maybe the vet will help me then
Yes I think it is still over the shelf in Brazil, but maybe B&M is a better way...if I actually can figure it out!

So, Peru is a poor but peaceful country; the people are shy and kind to tourists. I've been there as a tourist—visiting amazing places like Machu Picchu—and I traveled alone without facing any safety issues. Fairer-skinned women (like me) do attract more attention from local men, but they remain respectful. The only issue I encountered—and what made me a bit uneasy—was that at night, when we went out for dinner, there were people on the street offering drugs to tourists; that was a bit intimidating. When I went this year to buy my "N," I chose a centrally located hotel next to a restaurant, and everything went very smoothly... Oh, and forget about Brazil; it's impossible to buy "N" there. It is extremely strictly controlled at clinics, and while there seems to be a lab that sells it to veterinarians, the documentation requirements are massive and impossible to bypass or circumvent through bribery. I looked into it in Brazil for a month, and there was absolutely no chance!

 

[Serena 2026]

You are right, there are sources in Peru. Although, a guy from peru is on sasu, he himself is not able to find it in peru.
Haha cancer stricken cat is a good idea
B&M is better yeah.. How to figure these sources out is a bit of challenge

Hello, I don't know which person from Sasu you're referring to, but I actually debated this topic with a member—whose name I can't even recall—because I disagreed with him... How did I—a mature woman who doesn't live in Peru, knows little about the place, and doesn't speak Spanish—manage to buy it in just three days? With all due respect, either he's very timid, has some sort of intellectual impairment, or wants to protect his country from an invasion of depressed people looking for death. Oh, sure, maybe I just got lucky—perhaps—but before that, I did *so much* research: countless emails and WhatsApp messages, days and nights glued to the internet digging up everything I could, following leads, making numerous calls to Mexico (don't even bother going there; you can't find N there anymore) and other South American countries, and so on... Now, I don't mean to disparage the member who said N isn't available in Peru; perhaps for someone who sits around doing nothing, waiting for N to just fall into their lap, it really is difficult... forgive me if I sounded a bit harsh, but nothing is achieved without effort!! 🏋‍

 

[ctb_warrior]

Yes, my friend, soon—and thank you... I hope you find your peace peacefully, too!!

Yes, absolutely. On top of that, after that, I was committed to a public psychiatric hospital for a year and they loaded me up on meds, which made my situation worse!!

When I first got into Sasu and started looking into it, I honestly wasn't excited about SN; in fact, I found it terrifying... there were so many accounts suggesting it wouldn't be a peaceful exit, and I'm a bit of a coward... I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of the pain, the panic of not being able to breathe... I don't know... that method just isn't for me!!

Don't steal it, hahaha—you could get caught, and then it's goodbye CTB... Can't you travel to Peru? You can buy it there, believe me!

So, Peru is a poor but peaceful country; the people are shy and kind to tourists. I've been there as a tourist—visiting amazing places like Machu Picchu—and I traveled alone without facing any safety issues. Fairer-skinned women (like me) do attract more attention from local men, but they remain respectful. The only issue I encountered—and what made me a bit uneasy—was that at night, when we went out for dinner, there were people on the street offering drugs to tourists; that was a bit intimidating. When I went this year to buy my "N," I chose a centrally located hotel next to a restaurant, and everything went very smoothly... Oh, and forget about Brazil; it's impossible to buy "N" there. It is extremely strictly controlled at clinics, and while there seems to be a lab that sells it to veterinarians, the documentation requirements are massive and impossible to bypass or circumvent through bribery. I looked into it in Brazil for a month, and there was absolutely no chance!

Imagine, nembutal heist more precious than diamond for us CTBers.
I would love to visit Peru. There's this movie Celestine Prophecy, which shows Peru. It was so beautiful though, after my parents have come to know that I have CTB on my mind, they don't even let me go to the nearest grocery shop I have to tell the reason only then I'm allowed. So, i mostly order stuff online and get it delivered to my home which is also checked.

Hello, I don't know which person from Sasu you're referring to, but I actually debated this topic with a member—whose name I can't even recall—because I disagreed with him... How did I—a mature woman who doesn't live in Peru, knows little about the place, and doesn't speak Spanish—manage to buy it in just three days? With all due respect, either he's very timid, has some sort of intellectual impairment, or wants to protect his country from an invasion of depressed people looking for death. Oh, sure, maybe I just got lucky—perhaps—but before that, I did *so much* research: countless emails and WhatsApp messages, days and nights glued to the internet digging up everything I could, following leads, making numerous calls to Mexico (don't even bother going there; you can't find N there anymore) and other South American countries, and so on... Now, I don't mean to disparage the member who said N isn't available in Peru; perhaps for someone who sits around doing nothing, waiting for N to just fall into their lap, it really is difficult... forgive me if I sounded a bit harsh, but nothing is achieved without effort!! 🏋‍

I also don't remember but a few days ago, I saw a post from a guy who lived in Peru. He was asking for N sources in Peru, as he couldn't find it himself. You could be right, he might have posted it to protect Peru from our eyes so that we don't invade Peru searching for N. It's tough to guess the real intention.

Nah, you aren't harsh, in fact you are right, nothing is achieved without effort.
The emojis at the end are fun

 

[Serena 2026]

Imagine, nembutal heist more precious than diamond for us CTBers.
I would love to visit Peru. There's this movie Celestine Prophecy, which shows Peru. It was so beautiful though, after my parents have come to know that I have CTB on my mind, they don't even let me go to the nearest grocery shop I have to tell the reason only then I'm allowed. So, i mostly order stuff online and get it delivered to my home which is also checked.

I also don't remember but a few days ago, I saw a post from a guy who lived in Peru. He was asking for N sources in Peru, as he couldn't find it himself. You could be right, he might have posted it to protect Peru from our eyes so that we don't invade Peru searching for N. It's tough to guess the real intention.

Nah, you aren't harsh, in fact you are right, nothing is achieved without effort.
The emojis at the end are fun

Yeah, N is worth more than gold to us, hahaha... Oh, I know! Let's launch a "Sasu's Money Heist" series: we'll break into a major lab that produces N, steal the whole lot, and distribute it to all Sasu members—mass CTB, world peace for those who are suffering... it would be beautiful, right? A ratings record for sure! Hehehe... But joking aside, your situation makes it really hard to pull off your CTB; you're under close watch. Still, I'm certain they do it because they love you so much and don't want to lose you...

 

[ctb_warrior]

Yeah, N is worth more than gold to us, hahaha... Oh, I know! Let's launch a "Sasu's Money Heist" series: we'll break into a major lab that produces N, steal the whole lot, and distribute it to all Sasu members—mass CTB, world peace for those who are suffering... it would be beautiful, right? A ratings record for sure! Hehehe... But joking aside, your situation makes it really hard to pull off your CTB; you're under close watch. Still, I'm certain they do it because they love you so much and don't want to lose you...

Sasu's money heist series would be fun
It'd be declared world CTB day
Haha yes, I'm under such close watch, it's really difficult to try anything.
They didn't love me that much as a kid though, after I told them I'm suicidal, then they changed so much. I rarely get scolded now. I wish they were like this back in those days. I wouldn't have to think of CTB
As such whoever made me think of CTB, i have dealt with all of them. The rebel in me woke up. Just the last breakup had been harsh on my mental health.

 

[Fish]

Hello, I don't know which person from Sasu you're referring to, but I actually debated this topic with a member—whose name I can't even recall—because I disagreed with him... How did I—a mature woman who doesn't live in Peru, knows little about the place, and doesn't speak Spanish—manage to buy it in just three days? With all due respect, either he's very timid, has some sort of intellectual impairment, or wants to protect his country from an invasion of depressed people looking for death. Oh, sure, maybe I just got lucky—perhaps—but before that, I did *so much* research: countless emails and WhatsApp messages, days and nights glued to the internet digging up everything I could, following leads, making numerous calls to Mexico (don't even bother going there; you can't find N there anymore) and other South American countries, and so on... Now, I don't mean to disparage the member who said N isn't available in Peru; perhaps for someone who sits around doing nothing, waiting for N to just fall into their lap, it really is difficult... forgive me if I sounded a bit harsh, but nothing is achieved without effort!! 🏋‍

Wow you stayed in a psych hospital for a year?? You are truly a strong lady. For me...I am a cripple, so I have a tendency to feel vulnerable even if it's not justified
I would love to learn from you though, where to start with research. Did you call up veterinary centres or is there a contact list of dealers 'in the know'? Do you just ask them directly about SN, ask to buy and whether they supply? Did you have to offer bribes? I think the problem for me is I have lived in an overly sanitised environment and I don't really know how to do the sort of 'shady' research that is needed. The leads you searched for, did you just search the Internet or did you have to go underground?

Imagine, nembutal heist more precious than diamond for us CTBers.
I would love to visit Peru. There's this movie Celestine Prophecy, which shows Peru. It was so beautiful though, after my parents have come to know that I have CTB on my mind, they don't even let me go to the nearest grocery shop I have to tell the reason only then I'm allowed. So, i mostly order stuff online and get it delivered to my home which is also checked.

I also don't remember but a few days ago, I saw a post from a guy who lived in Peru. He was asking for N sources in Peru, as he couldn't find it himself. You could be right, he might have posted it to protect Peru from our eyes so that we don't invade Peru searching for N. It's tough to guess the real intention.

Nah, you aren't harsh, in fact you are right, nothing is achieved without effort.
The emojis at the end are fun

Perhaps we should visit Peru together someday. Tell your parents I'm your new fiancee, we are going on a honeymoon together, no parents allowed

 

[Serena 2026]

Wow you stayed in a psych hospital for a year?? You are truly a strong lady. For me...I am a cripple, so I have a tendency to feel vulnerable even if it's not justified
I would love to learn from you though, where to start with research. Did you call up veterinary centres or is there a contact list of dealers 'in the know'? Do you just ask them directly about SN, ask to buy and whether they supply? Did you have to offer bribes? I think the problem for me is I have lived in an overly sanitised environment and I don't really know how to do the sort of 'shady' research that is needed. The leads you searched for, did you just search the Internet or did you have to go underground?

Perhaps we should visit Peru together someday. Tell your parents I'm your new fiancee, we are going on a honeymoon together, no parents allowed

Hahaha, I laughed out loud at the honeymoon story—all for a good cause, right? It's a shame I'm leaving soon; there's no time to get engaged, hehehe... I know you're really curious (like so many others who write to me), and it breaks my heart, but I can't give any details—it goes against Sasu's rules... I was in treatment for a year, but it wasn't full-time... they'd take me in the morning and pick me up at night, which didn't help my depression at all!!

Sasu's money heist series would be fun
It'd be declared world CTB day
Haha yes, I'm under such close watch, it's really difficult to try anything.
They didn't love me that much as a kid though, after I told them I'm suicidal, then they changed so much. I rarely get scolded now. I wish they were like this back in those days. I wouldn't have to think of CTB
As such whoever made me think of CTB, i have dealt with all of them. The rebel in me woke up. Just the last breakup had been harsh on my mental health.

I understand exactly how you feel. Often our parents can't see us with "seeing eyes," they don't understand the signs of sadness or cries for help, and they can't cope with their children's illness. Many times they don't even do it out of malice; sometimes they just had a difficult life themselves... Unresolved romantic problems greatly worsen depression, I know, our emotions are a whirlwind and difficult to manage!!

Regarding the series we're going to launch, to reclaim the "N," because the name SasuKE... I already know Sasu, it's from this site, but what does the "KE" mean? I'm curious!!

 

[ctb_warrior]

Wow you stayed in a psych hospital for a year?? You are truly a strong lady. For me...I am a cripple, so I have a tendency to feel vulnerable even if it's not justified
I would love to learn from you though, where to start with research. Did you call up veterinary centres or is there a contact list of dealers 'in the know'? Do you just ask them directly about SN, ask to buy and whether they supply? Did you have to offer bribes? I think the problem for me is I have lived in an overly sanitised environment and I don't really know how to do the sort of 'shady' research that is needed. The leads you searched for, did you just search the Internet or did you have to go underground?

Perhaps we should visit Peru together someday. Tell your parents I'm your new fiancee, we are going on a honeymoon together, no parents allowed

Haha that's a really good idea a honeymoon trip to catch the bus that'd take us to heaven or may be hell
No parents allowed
You know, I went to a resort with my ex and another couple,I had to tell my parents back home that I'm at my residence in those days, i was living alone. In another sneaky trip, i had to catch a flight back to my city, and my father kept on calling when i was on board and I couldn't pick his call else he would have known similarly, when i started having alcohol in 2023, i tried different ways to smuggle alcohol inside my room. Except few times, they caught it i later tied up with an alcohol shop to get it delivered to my home after dinner, that was a good source. He used to keep the bottles silently at the door, and when no one was watching, i used to sneak out and get those bottles inside my room. My parents know that i can create workaround to almost anything so they are extra vigilant

Hahaha, I laughed out loud at the honeymoon story—all for a good cause, right? It's a shame I'm leaving soon; there's no time to get engaged, hehehe... I know you're really curious (like so many others who write to me), and it breaks my heart, but I can't give any details—it goes against Sasu's rules... I was in treatment for a year, but it wasn't full-time... they'd take me in the morning and pick me up at night, which didn't help my depression at all!!


I understand exactly how you feel. Often our parents can't see us with "seeing eyes," they don't understand the signs of sadness or cries for help, and they can't cope with their children's illness. Many times they don't even do it out of malice; sometimes they just had a difficult life themselves... Unresolved romantic problems greatly worsen depression, I know, our emotions are a whirlwind and difficult to manage!!

Regarding the series we're going to launch, to reclaim the "N," because the name SasuKE... I already know Sasu, it's from this site, but what does the "KE" mean? I'm curious!!

You are actually right . If I look back at my life and their lives on the whole, i find that they were victims of situations themselves. They have had a difficult life too but never thought of ctb. And, in their capacity, they tried to give best life they possibly could. They are humans too, so, yeah, they can't be strong all the time.
I personally have one grudge with them, my mother had bipolar depression, so, they shouldn't have given birth to kids because depression not only affects the environment of home but also, gets transferred to kids. I have never suffered from depression until 2023. But eventually it did manifest in me. We were able to find good psychiatrists after trying many psychiatrists, so me, my mother and brother are all being given right medicines. My mother and brother are doing well after years of crazy crazy depression. They used to lose sense of reality and would hallucinate. I luckily never lost of my grip on reality.

SaSuKE Good one does KE stand for Ketamine ketamine is hard too. Not sure if fent is harder or ketamine. Never got to try either of them

I have an idea, if the 5000 regular visitors unite and sign a petition to get N issued to all of the CTBers, can that help? Or may be, world over, all of the 5000 people break into vet clinics near them and loot all the N available
Interestingly N is allowed to kill animals but not us

 

[Fish]

Haha that's a really good idea a honeymoon trip to catch the bus that'd take us to heaven or may be hell
No parents allowed
You know, I went to a resort with my ex and another couple,I had to tell my parents back home that I'm at my residence in those days, i was living alone. In another sneaky trip, i had to catch a flight back to my city, and my father kept on calling when i was on board and I couldn't pick his call else he would have known similarly, when i started having alcohol in 2023, i tried different ways to smuggle alcohol inside my room. Except few times, they caught it i later tied up with an alcohol shop to get it delivered to my home after dinner, that was a good source. He used to keep the bottles silently at the door, and when no one was watching, i used to sneak out and get those bottles inside my room. My parents know that i can create workaround to almost anything so they are extra vigilant

You are actually right . If I look back at my life and their lives on the whole, i find that they were victims of situations themselves. They have had a difficult life too but never thought of ctb. And, in their capacity, they tried to give best life they possibly could. They are humans too, so, yeah, they can't be strong all the time.
I personally have one grudge with them, my mother had bipolar depression, so, they shouldn't have given birth to kids because depression not only affects the environment of home but also, gets transferred to kids. I have never suffered from depression until 2023. But eventually it did manifest in me. We were able to find good psychiatrists after trying many psychiatrists, so me, my mother and brother are all being given right medicines. My mother and brother are doing well after years of crazy crazy depression. They used to lose sense of reality and would hallucinate. I luckily never lost of my grip on reality.

SaSuKE Good one does KE stand for Ketamine ketamine is hard too. Not sure if fent is harder or ketamine. Never got to try either of them

I have an idea, if the 5000 regular visitors unite and sign a petition to get N issued to all of the CTBers, can that help? Or may be, world over, all of the 5000 people break into vet clinics near them and loot all the N available
Interestingly N is allowed to kill animals but not us

This is just my silly perspective but I don't think I could survive your parents, they are quite overbearing! Although I come from a culture which is more open to alcohol, this could be why. I love your innovativeness though
I feel you, my best friend irl has bipolar and her dad has schizo. It is truly a wild ride that runs in family.
And yes the biggest confusion in my life is why euthanasia is given easy for animals but not for humans. The freedom for euthanasia means a lot for me, I know many disabled people who fought very hard for it. It is disgusting to me to hear people say it is the cowards way out, I wish them to experience the life of a ventilator dependent quad!

 

[ctb_warrior]

This is just my silly perspective but I don't think I could survive your parents, they are quite overbearing! Although I come from a culture which is more open to alcohol, this could be why. I love your innovativeness though
I feel you, my best friend irl has bipolar and her dad has schizo. It is truly a wild ride that runs in family.
And yes the biggest confusion in my life is why euthanasia is given easy for animals but not for humans. The freedom for euthanasia means a lot for me, I know many disabled people who fought very hard for it. It is disgusting to me to hear people say it is the cowards way out, I wish them to experience the life of a ventilator dependent quad

Haha so true itz not easy to survive my parents though they are sweet and caring at heart, but can be very tough to handle.
Yeah, alcohol isn't bad. They say that i don't care for them if I'm having alcohol and i wonder how is it connected..i want to get a break from reality for a while when i can't ctb..

Seriously, these humans are mean, they can give euthanasia to animals but not to humans that are suffering.. It's our life and should be our free will if we want to face more stuff or not.

18+ people who wish to ctb should be allowed to be ctb freely.. Why should that be a crime..
Damn, you are so right...i too wish they get to experience the worst, only then will they understand our plight

 

[Fish]

Haha so true itz not easy to survive my parents though they are sweet and caring at heart, but can be very tough to handle.
Yeah, alcohol isn't bad. They say that i don't care for them if I'm having alcohol and i wonder how is it connected..i want to get a break from reality for a while when i can't ctb..

Seriously, these humans are mean, they can give euthanasia to animals but not to humans that are suffering.. It's our life and should be our free will if we want to face more stuff or not.

18+ people who wish to ctb should be allowed to be ctb freely.. Why should that be a crime..
Damn, you are so right...i too wish they get to experience the worst, only then will they understand our plight

I felt that the free access I had to alcohol from a young age prevented me from craving alcohol, if it makes sense. I drink at events, and sometimes pour it in my ice cream, but otherwise I'm pretty boring
Its the same I feel for euthanasia, they could have a long process, take 5 years from applying to acceptance, and it would stop impulsive suicides and help those who have logical reason to die. And sometimes the fact that the option is there can help the people's peace of mind, and not stress about dying