Venting I think that I'll ctb tonight

[Giovannino224]

I'll try to ctb tonight, my method probably is the worst thing that a human has ever tought in his life.
I'll take like 600mg of ibuprofen to reduce the desire to breath, then take like 40mg of melatonin, the I'll put a plastic bag on my head , lay down and waith untill I fall asleep. I'm aware that the risk of failure it's hight but this is the only method that I have. I've tought about the SN method and even abput hanging, but Idk were to get SN here in Italy and also I'm too scared that hanging will be really painfull.

Sometimes I feel sad for very long periods for absolutely no reason adn I'm very ashamed for that. I alwayse felt like that I'm not allowed to feel sad cuz of my problems cuz I always find them very stupid and insignificant, even if they were really hard to resolve. Recently I've been self harming myself with medicines like paracetamol, ibuprofen and one time even with my sister's SSRI (bth this thing about self harm dosen't happen very often), and this all because of stress. Sometimes also happens that I feel like detached from reality, It feels like that I'm not living but that I'm just watching a film or someting like that, but usually this happens for short periods of times (like from 30 minutes to 1h maximum). Sometimes I think that I have a mental illnes or some shit like that, but then I always think about it and I deny all my thoughts and it's like a shame for me. There are people with real problems and traumas and then there is me thinking that I msy have a mentall illness only because I felt a little sad, I consider this pathetich. All my relationships are starting to feel more and more bland and insignificant, I feel like that all the people that I know are starting to see me only as a stranger. My academics resoults are dropping and I feel hopeless and incapable to fix them.

I feel like that all that I just wrote sond l only like a big complain, but it doesn't matter.

It's currently 11pm here in Italy, I think that I'll try to ctb around 1am or 2am, if I fail (probably) I'll post something in the next days.
I'm still deciding if I should do it or not.
Let's hope for the best

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best.

 

[Jadon91]

Spero vada tutto per il meglio. Se non riesci potremmo parlarne in privato.

 

[hi-okbye]

personally I don't recommend it. I really think you should just take time to reconsider. there are many better options and just doing some research can make a big difference. hanging really doesn't have to be painful, as long as you do it right.

I hope you find some peace.

 

[gotomrg]

reach out to people who are the closest to you (if it resonates even in the slightest)

 

[Giovannino224]

Spero vada tutto per il meglio. Se non riesci potremmo parlarne in privato.

Grazie infinite del pensiero.
Se fallisco prenderò in considerazione l'idea.

reach out to people who are the closest to you (if it resonates even in the slightest)

On what purpose? It doesn't matter anymore

 

[certified_idiot]

If the bag doesn't work, and you want accessible options, you may want to try shallow water blackout. The instructions are here. You can do it as long as you have a body of water that will cover your head, even just a bathtub. I know that you may have already tried by now because of timezone shananaganary, but if you fail this might be a better option. I wish you luck!

(ps. If you feel sad all the time for seemingly no reason, and it pushes you to suicide, you probably have depression. It might make you feel better to know that there is a reason you're like this and that you're not just a pathetic loser.)