Venting I'll never change

[Leonard_Bangley39]

change requires actual, constant effort, which is a thing that i don't think I'm capable of giving anymore. for anything. working out? give up in a week. meditation? three days. trying to change my outlook? 2 days. I'll never change. I'll always be a piece of shit. i have nobody i can complain about it to because complaining just pushes everyone away.

I'll always hate myself, I'll always envy others who have happier lives, I'll always lash out at people close to me, I'll always push people away, I'll always be alone. i should've died in Tokyo. i wish i grew up with sisters instead of brothers. i wish i never had siblings to begin with. there isn't a single positive thing about me. i have never done anything substantial or meaningful in my entire life. i have never accomplished anything and i never will. i will never put in the effort to change. the only effort I'm capable of expending is the effort it would take to pull the trigger on a gun to ctb.

 

[niki wonoto]

i'm from indonesia, i'm probably a lot older than you, but i can deeply relate with your post.

 

[thegrayhammer]

some are born broken, I can relate. The worst part is how things that are a struggle to us comes second nature to others, makes it hard to find reasons to keep going

 

[AgathaChristieLover]

some are born broken, I can relate. The worst part is how things that are a struggle to us comes second nature to others, makes it hard to find reasons to keep going

I feel like people who believe in nurture over nature are somewhat wrong. Sure, my parents raising me might have affected me, but i feel like I and some others are simply fundamentally broken. I've hated myself since kindergarten