Venting feels like i'll never find someone

[ihateittoo]

I've been single for a bit over a year now and its gotten really lonely these past few months. I feel like the start of my adult life is just being wasted alone. All of my friends are in normal relationships and it gets really disheartening knowing that because of the way I look thats not something I'll get to experience.

I met a guy on here and we started talking as friends and he was really sweet. He would listen to me and seemed to really care about me, but after 10 or so days he ended up asking me to send him nudes and unadded me when I didnt. It feels like the only time people will ever want to "love" me its when they want to use me sexually. I feel so gross about the whole situation and it hurt to lose a friend like that. It's not the first time ppl have been creepy to me and it further drives home the feeling that people only want me for short term sexual gratification and have no interest in me. I would talk to him every night and all it took was me saying that it freaked me out when he asked for nudes to have it all go away. I sorta felt like an insect on its back kinda squirming unable to flip itself over. Thats how I think I feel about a lot of these situations, I dont know if that'll make any sense to anyone other than me.

 

[YourLocalEdgelord]

That had nothing to do with you. We've had some insane people invade our safe space. Creeps, pro-lifers, undercover authority figures... Unfortunately, that risk never goes away. They use a kind mask as a tactic to lure people in. He wasn't your friend. So sorry a random crusty ass dude hurt you so much. You deserve someone who truly loves you <3

 

[Misery99]

I've been single for a bit over a year now and its gotten really lonely these past few months. I feel like the start of my adult life is just being wasted alone. All of my friends are in normal relationships and it gets really disheartening knowing that because of the way I look thats not something I'll get to experience.

I met a guy on here and we started talking as friends and he was really sweet. He would listen to me and seemed to really care about me, but after 10 or so days he ended up asking me to send him nudes and unadded me when I didnt. It feels like the only time people will ever want to "love" me its when they want to use me sexually. I feel so gross about the whole situation and it hurt to lose a friend like that. It's not the first time ppl have been creepy to me and it further drives home the feeling that people only want me for short term sexual gratification and have no interest in me. I would talk to him every night and all it took was me saying that it freaked me out when he asked for nudes to have it all go away. I sorta felt like an insect on its back kinda squirming unable to flip itself over. Thats how I think I feel about a lot of these situations, I dont know if that'll make any sense to anyone other than me.

Sad but I think this is the modern reality of dating and relationships... there are too many people in the world but at the same time majority are only looking for temporary satisfaction and they are quick to abandon you if they don't get what they want from you...and it's even worse meeting someone like that here since this place is for people who are dealing with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. But I hope that you'll not let that guy make you even more depressed because it's only been 10 days and he had showed his true colors already instead of waiting for years.

 

[derpyderpins]

Since the thread got bumped:

I think both commenters above make good points. First, that event was not caused by you or anything about you, and second, people are very messed up these days with how relationships should work.

It is very difficult to keep these things in mind, but we all should practice internalizing that other people being messed up is not a reflection on us, no matter how many people we go through. 'But this happens over and over to me, so I must be the problem, right?' Well, on one hand it's good to reflect and not be the pop-star stereotype of singing 80 breakup songs where the other person is always at fault, but on the other hand: no it doesn't have to be you if the society around you is unwell.

I think for young people (making an assumption that you're younger than me because everyone is these days) you are looking for someone else who recognizes that society is sick and that you are both trying to be different - be better - together. Someone wanting nudes so fast (nudes at all in my old man prudish opinion) is not someone seriously on that mission.

But I also want to say my peace on some nuance about the sex. Believe me from the bottom of my heart that I understand wanting the true "you" deep down to be known, loved, seen, and appreciated. I understand how painful it can be when this does not happen, and you end up filling roles for people where your value is solely what you transactionally provide. Of course, relationships will always have an element of being transactional, but there should also be an element of building some goodwill based on the connection of the soul that transcends that type of calculation.

That said, I strongly advise that you don't let yourself grow an aversion to the idea of sex. Wanting sex, having sex, exchanging sex, etc. are all totally normal and expected parts of healthy adult relationships. I think there is a very heartbreaking feedback loop that happens a lot now that leads to this permanently negative view of sex that can continue even into a long term relationship. Someday, you can find someone who does see you and care about you, and that person will also want to do sex stuff with you. Don't let creeps like the guy in this story mess up that situation down the road.