It's sad the last thing I'm ever going to feel is my head exploding. I chose a shotgun because I don't want to die nauseous, but I guess I'm sad about the whole thing. I haven't picked a date and I'm still holding on but I know that's how I will go eventually. I can feel that inner light inside of me getting dimmer. I stop feeling the urge to reach out or go to therapy or act like I have something to live for. Friends and therapy and hobbies feel like burdens when the essence of who you are is diminished. I tried so hard to fight that shit but the day is coming I'll see through all my cope and cope no more forever
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