Venting ranting about psychiatrist

[CareLessMeaningLess]

I just need to rant, sorry if it is hard to understand.

I have had semi regular meetings for the last 10 months or so and I just feel like that she doesn't care and I feel like that I can't actually say anything to serious due to the threat of me going to the hospital. The only thing that she can or want to do is to give me some light anti deppresant. It's like she thinks that I have some brain fog that can be cleared. I have been depressed, lonely with social anxiety and self hatred for over a decade and she thinks that all of that can be alleviated with some drug. She knows how long I have been feeling like this and it took her months and 3-4 meetings to even consider that I should see a psychologist.

A day ago she sent me with some meeting with a doctor (not the psychologist) and I don't know the reason for it. So anyway I go to the meeting and the first question he asks is "What do you think that we can do for you?" ?????? What do you want me to say?! That I hate myself. That I have been feeling soo lonely for soo long that I want to die. Or is it that thoughts about CTB is just a constant. It is not something that pops up it is just there, nagging at the back of my mind. I can't just pick and choose any one of these. Besides I don't know what you can do even if I can perfectly explain my problems.
I just felt like my brain was exploding. Then he asks me if I can go back to work. The workplace were I felt worthless. The workplace that no matter how nice the people were I just felt like a outsider. Is this all you want from me? You don't want me to feel better, you just want me out of your system because I am too much of a bother. He asked several other questions like if I wanted to go back to the hospital or go back to taking meds. But I just want anyone to actually try and engage with my problems not just to try and leave me off in some empty room.

I left that appointment feeling worse. Thinking that just should CTB that day since clearly no one wants to deal with me. I didn't CTB, I am too much of a coward and I still want to watch some shows before leaving. But I hate this during the entire meeting it felt like I was being judged. Every meeting with some doctor always feel like that they look down on me. Is it because I am autistic, because why do you look at me with those eyes?

 

[littlepup159]

I just don't go to psychologist and go to psychiatrist only for my adhd meds. It is a waste of time. Nobody really want to help you only to excercise the power that they have over you. It will just destroy your confidence and you will get more submissive against abusers. Here I want to quote one post from reddit:

Mental health care is a power structure disguised as help.

Everything you say will be used to frame and manipulate you.

Society is terrified of people made less predictable by trauma, anxiety, depression and distress. So it manages them: manipulates them, drugs them, labels them, steers them and calls it "treatment."

No one needs to know your story unless you need welfare or something. The more you tell others, the more you will be sucked into a fight over the narrative.

 

[Fadenself00_]

I just don't go to psychologist and go to psychiatrist only for my adhd meds. It is a waste of time. Nobody really want to help you only to excercise the power that they have over you. It will just destroy your confidence and you will get more submissive against abusers. Here I want to quote one post from reddit:

Unfortunately that is correct. There are only a small handful of shrinks who actually care and want to help; And the only ones like that are the ones actively criticizing psych meds and the system. All the other ones will have some sort of irrational narrative eventually due to an inevitable conflict of interest

 

[FluffIsJustice]

In my experience, there is a bit of a common opinion that a lot of people have but rarely talk about. This opinion is about people who are known not to work. They assume they get the money required to live from social services, which are funded through tax payers. So they sort of see those people as leeches on their wallet (since they have to pay tax - it often shows up when tax money is used where the taxpayers don't think it is necessary, with a sentiment of why are you wasting my money, I worked so hard to obtain it). They do not do that with everyone though, excluded are mainly people where you can clearly see from the outside that they need it (like if someone is in a wheelchair) or when they know about why they need it (then they understand).
So I'd guess it was just a snap judgement from a stranger who doesn't know you at all, and a lot of people like to make these sorts of snap judgements (they usually don't even realize they are doing it).

If you are feeling lonely, should I tell you how I usually manage loneliness? Chances are that you'd already know, so I hope I'm not too bothersome, but maybe it might help... I'd also appreciate it if you told me how you do it, as I might learn something

 

[CareLessMeaningLess]

Unfortunately that is correct. There are only a small handful of shrinks who actually care and want to help; And the only ones like that are the ones actively criticizing psych meds and the system. All the other ones will have some sort of irrational narrative eventually due to an inevitable conflict of interest

I feel like if I don't go to them then family,friends and general society will think that I haven't tried to get better. But I have fought for years alone and I don't want people to think that I didn't try.

 

[littlepup159]

I feel like if I don't go to them then family,friends and general society will think that I haven't tried to get better. But I have fought for years alone and I don't want people to think that I didn't try.

You could just lie to them lol and move on. You will not get better with flawed abusive system. Go read something for fun, magazines etc. Or you can have a reading interest in marxism would help you to understood the power dynamics and the abusive system. It helped me to untrap myself.

 

[CareLessMeaningLess]

In my experience, there is a bit of a common opinion that a lot of people have but rarely talk about. This opinion is about people who are known not to work. They assume they get the money required to live from social services, which are funded through tax payers. So they sort of see those people as leeches on their wallet (since they have to pay tax - it often shows up when tax money is used where the taxpayers don't think it is necessary, with a sentiment of why are you wasting my money, I worked so hard to obtain it). They do not do that with everyone though, excluded are mainly people where you can clearly see from the outside that they need it (like if someone is in a wheelchair) or when they know about why they need it (then they understand).
So I'd guess it was just a snap judgement from a stranger who doesn't know you at all, and a lot of people like to make these sorts of snap judgements (they usually don't even realize they are doing it).

If you are feeling lonely, should I tell you how I usually manage loneliness? Chances are that you'd already know, so I hope I'm not too bothersome, but maybe it might help... I'd also appreciate it if you told me how you do it, as I might learn something

You don't have feel like you are being bother, please do tell. Though I am afraid that I might not have any healthy tips for dealing with loneliness. Sorry

 

[Fadenself00_]

You could just lie to them lol and move on. You will not get better with flawed abusive system. Go read something for fun, magazines etc. Or you can have a reading interest in marxism would help you to understood the power dynamics and the abusive system. It helped me to untrap myself.

From my experience, the best thing to do is white lie + grey rock method. Aka. only tell partially the truth so it's genuine, and appear as uninteresting and boring as possible. Also try to appear as neurotypical as possible (talking hairstyle, clothes etc.) <- If we are talking about an acute abusive situation you otherwise cant get out of

 

[CareLessMeaningLess]

You could just lie to them lol and move on. You will not get better with flawed abusive system. Go read something for fun, magazines etc. Or you can have a reading interest in marxism would help you to understood the power dynamics and the abusive system. It helped me to untrap myself.

I could and when thing get uncomfortable I do. I might take you up on it if I don't CTB by then end of september.