Venting I feel like I’ll never CTB.

[Anon1337]

I feel like I'll never CTB. I set a date before but never went through with it. I even have SN. I want to live a good life but I can't. My life is only going to get worse. Nothing has changed for over 6 years. I feel exactly the same as I did the day I joined this site. I wish I had it in me to ctb.

 

[Cow]

Same if I had the balls to do it, I'd've done it by now. I've had 20 years of suicidal thoughts and my life gets worse over time and I'm no closer to "pulling the trigger" than I was in elementary school.

 

[UKscotty]

Setting dates is just setting ourselves up for a feeling of failure.

I can barely decide what I want for dinner tonight, let alone if I will hang myself days or weeks in the future.

It is my firm belief and experience that once we are ready, we will go.

 

[bed]

feel very similar. i'm sorry anon, being stuck in limbo is hell

 

[Anon1337]

I feel trapped.

 

[theboy]

I would also like to have a good life but it is very difficult for me. I understand that CTB day will never come. Maybe it can also be the SI

 

[ctbcat]

exactly how i feel... feeling suicidal is easy, but getting up and doing the suicide part? getting up and preparing, whichever way that may be, in advance? ... fucking hell.

i live life as if i will be dead soon, and yet.... each future date i set, each time i should be dead by... it passes. life feels inescapable. i wish i could just do it already.

 

[slightoverlooked]

same. i feel like i have to wait till everyone hates me or my parents die. i dont want to hurt my mom.

 

[grungy自殺]

I feel trapped.

Same

 

[Endofit]

I think we are thousands like that. The thought of disappearing is a relief, but thinking about the process is freaking me out

 

[Anon1337]

This is all a nightmare. I wish I could just get it over and done with.