Venting I dont want to make more memories that hurt to think about

[motheaten]

So many memories i have with other people are off limits now because they left or I left or both or something happened etc etc...every time i feel myself getting close to another person i realize that one day it'll come to an end and i won't be able to think about these memories without getting hurt all over again, it just feels like life is a constant cycle of leaving and being left
I know it's the average person's love life, dating and breaking up, but I don't understand how people do it....it's so painful i never want to go through it again

 

[LoiteringClouds]

So many memories i have with other people are off limits now because they left or I left or both or something happened etc etc...every time i feel myself getting close to another person i realize that one day it'll come to an end and i won't be able to think about these memories without getting hurt all over again, it just feels like life is a constant cycle of leaving and being left

I'm so sorry to hear that.
Do you want to have a relationship with somebody else again?
Personally, I invested emotionally in the relationship with my ex, and then they dumped me in a disrespectful way. It was about 6 years ago and I hurt so much first but I no longer care - I've lost all my interest in romantic relationship.

I know it's the average person's love life, dating and breaking up, but I don't understand how people do it....it's so painful i never want to go through it again

For me, a romantic relationships is merely a business deal and I suspect some people think this way.

But some memories torment you decades I guess, I'm so sorry.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes- I completely understand this. My experience has been more along the lines of close friendships that ended when we both moved away or loved ones who have died. It's not exactly that I'm not grateful to have had those people in my life and to have made those memories but the loss is so painful- I know- you just think- I don't think I want to leave myself open to this again. I reckon I'm going to CTB after my next major loss- which would likely be the death of my father. For a bunch of other reasons too but partly because I don't want to feel that terrible intense pain of missing someone again. I can even feel it now when I start to think about what it will be like and I'm just not prepared to go through it all for real again. I'm sorry for all your losses and disappointments.

 

[motheaten]

I'm so sorry to hear that.
Do you want to have a relationship with somebody else again?
Personally, I invested emotionally in the relationship with my ex, and then they dumped me in a disrespectful way. It was about 6 years ago and I hurt so much first but I no longer care - I've lost all my interest in romantic relationship.


For me, a romantic relationships is merely a business deal and I suspect some people think this way.

But some memories torment you decades I guess, I'm so sorry.

Thank you, on the one hand relationships can be really beautiful and I'd love to experience that again, but at this point I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore....obviously I dont know exactly what you mean by "dumped disrespectfully" but I'd say that's how one of mine ended too, it's a crushing feeling when the other person doesn't seem to care half as much as you do....

Yes- I completely understand this. My experience has been more along the lines of close friendships that ended when we both moved away or loved ones who have died. It's not exactly that I'm not grateful to have had those people in my life and to have made those memories but the loss is so painful- I know- you just think- I don't think I want to leave myself open to this again. I reckon I'm going to CTB after my next major loss- which would likely be the death of my father. For a bunch of other reasons too but partly because I don't want to feel that terrible intense pain of missing someone again. I can even feel it now when I start to think about what it will be like and I'm just not prepared to go through it all for real again. I'm sorry for all your losses and disappointments.

Yep, I feel that too, it seems like life can't be lived without this kind of pain, but i don't know how other people are dealing with it....I dont know if I'd ever have the guts to CTB but it seems like the only solution.....whatever you choose I hope you find comfort and some sort of peace...thank you for sharing and I'm sorry too

 

[Nori]

Kind of silly but this reminds of the South Park episode where Stan becomes goth and Butters gives him that speech about life.

 

[motheaten]

Kind of silly but this reminds of the South Park episode where Stan becomes goth and Butters gives him that speech about life.

View attachment 125470

Lol, that's true, reading that made me feel a bit better actually....we have to take the bad with the good, maybe sometimes they're the same thing

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Thank you, on the one hand relationships can be really beautiful and I'd love to experience that again, but at this point I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore....

Sorry for being cynical. I think relationship is actually one of the most beautiful thing humans can experience, but sadly caring people seem to be rare. I'm so sorry that you haven't received care from your exes, and I'm not sure if looking for a partner is worth it too. True love seems to be the Holy Grail...

obviously I dont know exactly what you mean by "dumped disrespectfully" but I'd say that's how one of mine ended too, it's a crushing feeling when the other person doesn't seem to care half as much as you do....

My ex dumped me saying "My parents told me to meet somebody else. Sorry I can't love you anymore." So I said goodbye with my perfect fake smile and withdrew without any fuss. Mission accomplished.
I don't know why my ex accepted their parents' request and dumped me, but it's all about money and status I guess - their parents were very rich and their potential partner was a doctor.

I decided relationship is not for me and started to identify myself as aromantic asexual. It was just my coping strategy - I think relationship is beautiful in general.

 

[motheaten]

Sorry for being cynical. I think relationship is actually one of the most beautiful thing humans can experience, but sadly caring people seem to be rare. I'm so sorry that you haven't received care from your exes, and I'm not sure if looking for a partner is worth it too. True love seems to be the Holy Grail...


My ex dumped me saying "My parents told me to meet somebody else. Sorry I can't love you anymore." So I said goodbye with my perfect fake smile and withdrew without any fuss. Mission accomplished.
I don't know why my ex accepted their parents' request and dumped me, but it's all about money and status I guess - their parents were very rich and their potential partner was a doctor.

I decided relationship is not for me and started to identify myself as aromantic asexual. It was just my coping strategy - I think relationship is beautiful in general.

No need to apologize i totally understand and i think I'm beginning to develop the same kind of cynicism....my frustration is just that relationships seem like a can't live with them can't live without them kind of thing, i wish i could do what you've done and just accept being on my own but i see other couples being happy and just get so insanely jealous...like why can't i have what they have? Anyway....I'm really sorry your ex treated you like that, it's really shitty and you didn't deserve that, though it does show the type of person they are.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

my frustration is just that relationships seem like a can't live with them can't live without them kind of thing, i wish i could do what you've done and just accept being on my own but i see other couples being happy and just get so insanely jealous...like why can't i have what they have?

I experienced the feeling "I can't live with them but can't live without them" when my ex and I broke up, and although my memory is hazy, I think it was excruciating, and I actually made several CTB attempts at that time. I had also struggled at work, so I lost all my self-worth.

I'm really sorry your ex treated you like that, it's really shitty and you didn't deserve that, though it does show the type of person they are.

Thank you so much. I thought it was my fault when I broke up, because their family was rich and I couldn't keep up with their luxurious (or just extravagant) lifestyle. But now I think I didn't deserve that - I've recovered and regained self-worth to some degree.

i see other couples being happy and just get so insanely jealous...like why can't i have what they have?

I think, good relationship need both luck and an effort - you had made so much effort but it's not your fault your exes didn't reciprocate it.
I think, you can't simply turn off your desire for romance - and you have to take the risk of being treated badly when you pursue relationship (you can leave them anytime unless you're dependent of them I think, though.) That seems to be a quandary - I'm so sorry.

I want a platonic relationship if I pursue it again because I'm an asexual and really hate having sex. Currently I can connect to people on this forum who are exceptionally compassionate, so I don't feel I need a partner, although I feel pathetic from time to time.