WaywardPassenger
angel but like in a lame pathetic way
- May 24, 2026
- 3
ugh i feel so bad because i "have so many reasons" not to ctb. too many people rely on me that if i actually went through then it would be a big hassle for everyone else.
however, these gaps in my memory are going to be my last straw. i swear on it. it feels like i've been spawned in less than 10 hours ago and i just have all these duties to fulfill. i get told i did things that i dont recall, but i still feel the full weight of guilt because i dont know if it really is true or not, but i err on the side of caution anyway. and i still hold so much trauma i barely even remember. god forbid i feel any sudden physical contact. makes my entire body flinch and shut down.
its so frustrating to have so many gaps in memory. i dont feel like a person. i dont know if i even was to begin with. i've been nothing more than a walking husk, machined to be at others aid whenever possible. its not like i enjoy anything for myself anyway. its hard to pursue anything when i dont even know who i am and i have to figure it out by going through my phone and belongings like a damn escape room.
eventually the stars will align and i'll get myself to ctb with ligature strangulation. the hoodie lace i ripped out calls to me every night from my bedside desk. until then, i'll be a good angel, helping everyone's needs.
however, these gaps in my memory are going to be my last straw. i swear on it. it feels like i've been spawned in less than 10 hours ago and i just have all these duties to fulfill. i get told i did things that i dont recall, but i still feel the full weight of guilt because i dont know if it really is true or not, but i err on the side of caution anyway. and i still hold so much trauma i barely even remember. god forbid i feel any sudden physical contact. makes my entire body flinch and shut down.
its so frustrating to have so many gaps in memory. i dont feel like a person. i dont know if i even was to begin with. i've been nothing more than a walking husk, machined to be at others aid whenever possible. its not like i enjoy anything for myself anyway. its hard to pursue anything when i dont even know who i am and i have to figure it out by going through my phone and belongings like a damn escape room.
eventually the stars will align and i'll get myself to ctb with ligature strangulation. the hoodie lace i ripped out calls to me every night from my bedside desk. until then, i'll be a good angel, helping everyone's needs.
