I could never plan a CTB date. Has to be impulsive

[chrisbate7]

I'm pretty sure I'd never be able to plan a date in the future to CTB. If I'm ever able to do it it'll have to be decided the day of. How bout y'all?

 

[Rue89]

I'm having a hard time planning a date because I live with family. It's hard to get time alone to ctb. I know I'll more than likely have to ctb away from home. I picked a place, but it isn't the best. If I ctb there I'd have to go early morning, and I've been having trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. So because of all this I'll probably decide the day of. I guess I could call it semi-impulsive; the date is up in the air, but my method is well planned out.

 

[chrisbate7]

I'm having a hard time planning a date because I live with family. It's hard to get time alone to ctb. I know I'll more than likely have to ctb away from home. I picked a place, but it isn't the best. If I ctb there I'd have to go early morning, and I've been having trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. So because of all this I'll probably decide the day of. I guess I could call it semi-impulsive; the date is up in the air, but my method is well planned out.

Peace be with you Rue.

 

[VivaldiBR]

I never planned, only idealize until today. But im very afraid of the impulsive possibility in crisis moments.

 

[Lordsudbury]

I wish I could use drugs or N or something that helps you just slip away; it's hard to "impulsively" die from hanging or such. Maybe I can just accidentally fall into it.....lol

 

[chrisbate7]

I wish I could use drugs or N or something that helps you just slip away; it's hard to "impulsively" die from hanging or such. Maybe I can just accidentally fall into it.....lol

Still no luck finding any N in Mexico? Why not just drive around until you find a veterinarian that will sell it to you?

 

[Ghost2211]

I could never set a date, but that doesn't mean it would be impulsive. There is something in the middle.

 

[Kat!]

I just have a general time, definitely not a date. Things can change ya know, maybe I have a good future.

 

[chrisbate7]

I could never set a date, but that doesn't mean it would be impulsive. There is something in the middle.

I'm not sure there is. Maybe decide the day before? By impulsive I don't mean you don't have a carefully thought out plan. I just mean you carry that plan out impulsively to prevent the anxiety of having a specific day that you hold yourself to. I would just worry that day would come and you would bail, causing all that anxiety for naught

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm not sure there is. Maybe decide the day before? By impulsive I don't mean you don't have a carefully thought out plan. I just mean you carry that plan out impulsively to prevent the anxiety of having a specific day that you hold yourself to. I would just worry that day would come and you would bail, causing all that anxiety for naught

I don't have anxiety about it. It's either the right thing to do or it's not. Currently it's not the right thing to do.

 

[walktothewater]

My intention is to have it well-planned and well-executed, no comebacks. However, it is possible that my family will cause me to CTB impulsively, for example by running into traffic or slashing my wrists.

 

[sadworld]

Having a set date is really stressfull for me.

 

[Lordsudbury]

Still no luck finding any N in Mexico? Why not just drive around until you find a veterinarian that will sell it to you?

I don't have like a car or anything here and we're on a mini 2 week lockdown as it is now so...yeah, I haven't tried too hard outside of my own town but I have stuff to do. Did find a way to order KCN though ....

 

[Antigonish]

It'd probably be after some heated but pretty argument over cheetos.

 

[reticen]

Date and time set. Such a risky task must be meticulously planned.

 

[Antigonish]

Ahhhhhh! Who ate my last cheeto, this is it...

 

[chrisbate7]

Date and time set. Such a risky task must be meticulously planned.

How much longer you got?

 

[Deleted member 14177]

Unfortunately most of my past attempts have been pretty impulsive. Id like to think i'd give it more thought, but it isn't unlikely that I wouldn't

 

[reticen]

How much longer you got?

I can't post it now. I'd be too embarrassed if I missed it

 

[muffin222]

I wouldn't set a date, but I wouldn't do it on a whim either. Cliche as it sounds, I believe that you'll know within when/if it's the right time

 

[Kat!]

It'd probably be after some heated but pretty argument over cheetos.

Reasonable asf.

 

[lost guy]

For me, it would have to be impulsively. Also, the chances for me to follow through would be significantly higher if I were to do it first thing in the morning after a late night binge drinking at a bar. My give a damn seem to not exist during that time and my spirit is always low.

 

[Echo]

For me the methodology will be meticulously planned out. I have my SN on the way now- and i ordered the right rope and that arrived yesterday so i have options-

Unless something changes i see myself ctb in the new year early. I think that is the earliest i can manage to get my will properly dealt with.

So really- once the details are all planned out and i have everything i need here it will be a little impulsive. I'll be like a time bomb by then i'd expect.

Unless i am still sinking and sinking then i might just call it and set a date.

And i want to see the girls enjoy x mas one last time too. Kids are so cute at x mas time...

 

[plough22]

I am only here for my parents, I'll be impulsive once I'm pushed over the edge. I go for a run and think of quiet places that I can end it and find peace. Just need the push but I am getting those feelings of hopelessness and helplessness

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

I don't think I can ever ctb. I'm in hospital. I don't know when I'm getting out. I failed tourniquet 3 times.

 

[sadworld]

I don't think I can ever ctb. I'm in hospital. I don't know when I'm getting out. I failed tourniquet 3 times.

Sorry to hear that... I hope you get out of the hospital soon...

 

[Mthom2]

I'd like to do it impulsively, but I have to do it on a Saturday or Sunday because my son usually goes to my sister's house on the weekends. There's no way I'm allowing him to find me dead. I already have a letter written and ready to be sent to my sister in a scheduled email. I tested sending her a scheduled email yesterday, and she easily got it on time and was notified upon delivery.

I've instructed her, in the very beginning, to immediately call the police and send them to my house. I'll definitely be gone by then, and there's no way that any of my family will find me unless she completely ignores my instructions. It is also stressed that under no circumstances should my son be allowed to come home before the police find me first.

In addition to all that, I'm going to make sure she knows that this particular weekend my son cannot be brought home early unannounced. I'll make up some reason that will remove any suspicion, but will also ensure that she complies.

If not for all that, I'd definitely go for an impulsive decision when I am at my lowest in order to remove as much doubt as possible.

 

[Aap]

Some people like to make reservations to go out and eat or meticulously plan a vacation. Some don't.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I'm not sure there is. Maybe decide the day before? By impulsive I don't mean you don't have a carefully thought out plan. I just mean you carry that plan out impulsively to prevent the anxiety of having a specific day that you hold yourself to. I would just worry that day would come and you would bail, causing all that anxiety for naught

Date and time set. Such a risky task must be meticulously planned.

As @chrisbate7 said "impulsive doesn´t mean it hasn´t been planned" In hindsight it would´ve been better to be more specific about what impulsive means because when I think "impulsive" I don´t think you just go one day and feel find and then try something to ctb without having done the research I think impulsive in this manor means you have meticulously thought it out but setting a date or an ultimatum like I did in the past like purposely running out of money to force myself to either ctb or face the consequences by asking for financial help but that didn´t mean I hadn´t done my research actually even for years.

So impulsive it is since every attempt to force myself into a corner not only financially but in other ways too has failed despite the last attempt to corner myself I had been sure for years would push me over the edge but didn´t so it have to be a time when I feel NOW I´m ready preferably for a few days. But for weeks I haven´t felt anything like that.

 

[chrisbate7]

I'd like to do it impulsively, but I have to do it on a Saturday or Sunday because my son usually goes to my sister's house on the weekends. There's no way I'm allowing him to find me dead. I already have a letter written and ready to be sent to my sister in a scheduled email. I tested sending her a scheduled email yesterday, and she easily got it on time and was notified upon delivery.

I've instructed her, in the very beginning, to immediately call the police and send them to my house. I'll definitely be gone by then, and there's no way that any of my family will find me unless she completely ignores my instructions. It is also stressed that under no circumstances should my son be allowed to come home before the police find me first.

In addition to all that, I'm going to make sure she knows that this particular weekend my son cannot be brought home early unannounced. I'll make up some reason that will remove any suspicion, but will also ensure that she complies.

If not for all that, I'd definitely go for an impulsive decision when I am at my lowest in order to remove as much doubt as possible.

Have you thought about just getting a hotel or going out of town? That would erase the risk of your sister getting suspicious and coming to check on you