It's very difficult to plan your own exit and follow through due to SI. Sometimes I feel impulsive and I wanna drink my N, that's when I feel extremely depressed and when I'm intoxicated. For example, a combination of alcohol and ambien seems to remove my SI to a large extend. So far I managed to resist doing it on impulse because that's not really the way I wanna go out. Back in 2019 I tried to ctb, after planning it carefully and checking into a hotel (for 140 bucks a night!) but I couldn't really push myself over the edge. It was a disaster and I didn't plan it through enough. If you're curious you can read it here. I went home feeling frustrated and defeated, poor 2019 Rain. There are ways to reduce the survival instinct though, for example certain combinations of drugs as mentioned above, and I'm gonna use them to my advantage the next time when I plan a date.