I
illAF
Experienced
- Jun 19, 2023
- 270
Well, just as the title says.
I did not really tried to CTB, I tried to see if I could be able to do it, if I could find my sweetspot etc. It was more like training.
Anyway. I just saw the sky, it was beautiful. And I was thinking "what a good night to go". So I tried.
The problem is I am very scared of hanging + I really don't want my roomates to find my corpse hanged.
I plan to go with SN.
If I had done the regimen today, I would have done it tonight. But I haven't.
The problem is that I seem to find the strength to ctb ONLY on some impulses.
And with SN, I know I can't do it on an impulse, it has to be prepared.
Or can I ? Could I try without having done the regimen ? I don't eat much during the days (only one banana today). I have drink one beer. And I still have the antiemetics and the benzos. Could I try tonight, even without having done the regimen ?
I see people here planning a date etc. I don't seem to be able to do that. It seems I could only go on an impulse.
How to deal with that ?
Sorry for the rent and the bad English.
I did not really tried to CTB, I tried to see if I could be able to do it, if I could find my sweetspot etc. It was more like training.
Anyway. I just saw the sky, it was beautiful. And I was thinking "what a good night to go". So I tried.
The problem is I am very scared of hanging + I really don't want my roomates to find my corpse hanged.
I plan to go with SN.
If I had done the regimen today, I would have done it tonight. But I haven't.
The problem is that I seem to find the strength to ctb ONLY on some impulses.
And with SN, I know I can't do it on an impulse, it has to be prepared.
Or can I ? Could I try without having done the regimen ? I don't eat much during the days (only one banana today). I have drink one beer. And I still have the antiemetics and the benzos. Could I try tonight, even without having done the regimen ?
I see people here planning a date etc. I don't seem to be able to do that. It seems I could only go on an impulse.
How to deal with that ?
Sorry for the rent and the bad English.