Anyone else feel guilty when discussing your future with loved ones knowing you're going to ctb?

[Silent_cries]

Everytime I discuss the things I "want" to do in my future with ppl around me that I love I always feel so guilty bc it feels like I'm lying to them knowing I could ctb anytime soon. I don't have a set date as I'm just going to do it when I'm ready and with my moodswings and impulsiveness it could happen completely out of the blue for all I know. Heck, I almost attempted to ctb earlier today out of impulse bc I felt hurt and anxious from something someone irl said to me. It feels so fucking wrong to tell ppl what I want in my future when I don't even know if I'll be around. I feel like I'm lying to their face and it hurts. Especially when I discuss my future with my mom. I love her so much and she's the last person I want to lie to. It honestly hurts. Anyone else feel this way?

 

[Ksmиda]

I always just try to change the topic or say something like "Yeah, I'd like to do x in the future" and leave it at that.

 

[Meteora]

Not anymore. I just tell a stories.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I have no loved ones anymore

But yeah, I feel this, I'm supposed to graduate next month and I'm not sure if I'll make it that long. My family keeps talking about making plans to come up for the ceremony and dinner reservations after and all and I just don't want to think about it.

 

[Aphex Triplet]

No, I just say things I know they want to hear so they leave me alone faster.

 

[Forveleth]

I do. Depending on the person and what we're talking about sometimes I feel quite a bit guilty. However, if I suddenly started acting like I have no future, people would get suspicious so I feel I don't really have a choice.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Kind of, yeah. For instance, I've said that I "want" to move out and take classes, but it's only so that I'm finally able to attempt.

 

[SuicidalTiger]

Everytime.

I have to tell my boyfriend that I can't wait to move out with him, but I can't live this life.
I want to make it up to him by leaving him money and my motorbike, but it eats at me too much.