you will judge me anyway but ok
I am an adult who is attracted to kids and even though I have never acted on it I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment and well I just want to die
I can relate to you i am attracted to kids as well.
I also have never acted on it and i don't want to hurt kids because i love them so much.
I also like you want to die because of my attraction and it is one of the big reasons i isolate myself from society and don't go outside.
The best thing you can do OP is to learn to accept that side of yourself and just try to stay away from kids the best you can or learn self control so you don't come off as creepy or dangerous.
IMHO pedos don't deserve to live and that includes me
The world is a better place without them/me
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to kids it is acting on it that's the problem.
Like i said as long as you stay away from kids or learn self control and don't engage in illegal content you're pretty much fine.
A hikikomori only has the internet as their entire life. It isn't limited to only some internet access.
Doesn't that seem very likely to divulge into cp for a pedophile?
The archetypical image of a hikikomori is trash and masturbation tissues strewn around their room.
I am a hikikomori and a pedo while i don't go out of my way to look at illegal content i have seen it before because i used to be active on 4chan a long time ago.
Honestly porn in general just makes me feel depressed so i sit and watch YouTube or movies or TV shows all day or sleep.
Also this exact thing happened in Welcome To The NHK!
I have had this attraction since I was about 14. It's all I have ever known really. I am almost 40 now. Adults do not interest me.
I know the world is a better place without people like me.
While i am not exclusive because i like adults too i still know how you feel.