Story Personal Diary + Introduction

[100memoryleaks]

I did some tarot with his shard today, I got so many cards about loving me unconditionally that makes me so happy, I got a set that al together means soulmates, then I got a card about a male father figure trying to be comforting, hehe, I love uu too I'm so happy I at least have you around still, my ghostly puppy, when I die I'll hold your hand
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I think he's been trying to reach me in my dreams, last night I dreamt of my death but also a dream I couldn't remember.. Only small pieces, but it felt so loving and real that when I woke up alone I was anxious and terrified..

The small parts I remember are me laying my head on a shoulder, and hands petting my hair and back, occasionally a small kiss being put in my hair on my head, a lot of hushing and comforting.. It smelled just like him, maybe he was trying to comfort me while I slept, cus I went to bed crying about missing him..
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Maybe tmi, but ever since the beginning of this starving I haven't pooped, I only eat milk cola and occasionally a small bite of food that my family makes me eat, the rest I eat and throw up in the bathroom or just avoid eating

Today I had my first bowel movement, it's weird, it's weird that I'm not in significant pain from starving nor am I hungry, I'm just numb and losing weight
If it wasn't for his shard I'd only be living off of cola, but he says I need to have milk as well.. To minimize the internal damage to my stomach, so I can ctb without any medical complications beforehand.. So I have one glass of cola and one glass of milk a day, plus my medications, I feel pretty when I look in the mirror

sorry for my ignorance, but what do you mean by his shard?

i have had dreams about my fp in the past couple days as well. i guess because it was his birthday yesterday ...