I am imagining jumping into traffic

[AfriQuark]

My daily thought is just the pure suffering of being alone and having no value as a person. And with that, I always think about how I can kill myself. It's always going through my head, always. Recently I was jogging, and I just realised something. Where I jog, there is a lot of fast traffic, vehicles moving very fast, and they don't really think of pedestrians. And there are plenty of minibuses also going fast. I can literally just jump into the street with the right timing and get hit by a speeding minibus.

I will be dead. Full force, head planted. My body and bones crushed.

So now it's something I am thinking about. I don't plan on it, but there's a non-zero chance. What if I just jump into fast traffic and let myself die upon impact? I will have to be very lucky (unlucky) to survive that. They do be going fast, and they do be aggressive. It might be an instant death. Even if I survive, the hospital might not save me.

I suppose it will be suffering if I don't die instantly. But I do not really have a future. I don't deserve happiness or anything good happening. There's nothing I am missing if I end up disabled. Again, I have no human value. So would it matter? I tried. I gave it all that I had. The fact I fail at killing myself is pathetic. But I was always a loser of zero value.

 

[HNR_]

Have you thought about the car/bus' passengers and driver?
Doing that would most likely injure them and total their car/bus on top of psychologically scarring them for who knows how long

 

[lightningwallcloud]

I've thought about it too. It would be so easy to just take all the pain and jump in the spur of the moment. Would avoid problems with SI and things too. And I've been hurt so much a big part of me doesn't care if other people see the result. This world is toxic and people who want to die shouldn't have to be hidden away.

 

[AfriQuark]

Have you thought about the car/bus' passengers and driver?
Doing that would most likely injure them and total their car/bus on top of psychologically scarring them for who knows how long

yeah i imagine it wouldn't be a good experience for anyone

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

Everyone deserves happiness, my friend. Many of us may not find it in our lifetimes, but we all deserve it. Have you considered SWB or hanging or firearm or something, something a little less traumatizing to others? Besides, running into traffic will most likely just throw you around good and break some bones. What I'd try is getting your head underneath the wheel of something heavy and fast, and that's a much better chance of crushing your skull and brain. Love and peace, mate

 

[BradGuy123]

I'm sorry you're going through this. But the driver of the car who hit you would feel a huge amount of guilt and trauma.