I am imagining jumping into traffic

[AfriQuark]

My daily thought is just the pure suffering of being alone and having no value as a person. And with that, I always think about how I can kill myself. It's always going through my head, always. Recently I was jogging, and I just realised something. Where I jog, there is a lot of fast traffic, vehicles moving very fast, and they don't really think of pedestrians. And there are plenty of minibuses also going fast. I can literally just jump into the street with the right timing and get hit by a speeding minibus.

I will be dead. Full force, head planted. My body and bones crushed.

So now it's something I am thinking about. I don't plan on it, but there's a non-zero chance. What if I just jump into fast traffic and let myself die upon impact? I will have to be very lucky (unlucky) to survive that. They do be going fast, and they do be aggressive. It might be an instant death. Even if I survive, the hospital might not save me.

I suppose it will be suffering if I don't die instantly. But I do not really have a future. I don't deserve happiness or anything good happening. There's nothing I am missing if I end up disabled. Again, I have no human value. So would it matter? I tried. I gave it all that I had. The fact I fail at killing myself is pathetic. But I was always a loser of zero value.

 

[HNR_]

Have you thought about the car/bus' passengers and driver?
Doing that would most likely injure them and total their car/bus on top of psychologically scarring them for who knows how long

 

[lightningwallcloud]

I've thought about it too. It would be so easy to just take all the pain and jump in the spur of the moment. Would avoid problems with SI and things too. And I've been hurt so much a big part of me doesn't care if other people see the result. This world is toxic and people who want to die shouldn't have to be hidden away.

 

[AfriQuark]

Have you thought about the car/bus' passengers and driver?
Doing that would most likely injure them and total their car/bus on top of psychologically scarring them for who knows how long

yeah i imagine it wouldn't be a good experience for anyone

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

Everyone deserves happiness, my friend. Many of us may not find it in our lifetimes, but we all deserve it. Have you considered SWB or hanging or firearm or something, something a little less traumatizing to others? Besides, running into traffic will most likely just throw you around good and break some bones. What I'd try is getting your head underneath the wheel of something heavy and fast, and that's a much better chance of crushing your skull and brain. Love and peace, mate

 

[BradGuy123]

I'm sorry you're going through this. But the driver of the car who hit you would feel a huge amount of guilt and trauma.

 

[LRkin]

I kinda understand that. As a driver, sometimes I feel like crashing into a tree or a wall and stuff. And yet... I think that even at our final moments we should be mindful of people around us, even if we don't know them. Catching the bus is our choice and not theirs. We can't drag them into it even as unwilling spectators.
And yet again... Jumping into traffic will definetely hurt like hell and there's still a chance that you'll survive that, so... Not the best idea.

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

….before my accident I always worried about something like what you are imagining.

I was always terrified to have one drink or beer out because of it. If you are a responsible drinker and someone decides to jump out in front of you on foot you're going to prison so it is best to never have a glass or wine while out.

 

[AgathaChristieLover]

I kinda understand that. As a driver, sometimes I feel like crashing into a tree or a wall and stuff. And yet... I think that even at our final moments we should be mindful of people around us, even if we don't know them. Catching the bus is our choice and not theirs. We can't drag them into it even as unwilling spectators.
And yet again... Jumping into traffic will definetely hurt like hell and there's still a chance that you'll survive that, so... Not the best idea.

Is that Junko Enoshima, I love Danganronpa. I agree with you, that's part of the reason I avoid MiC suppliers, I don't think they're good people because they make money off of causing death. Even though I have nothing against suicide, I think causing harm to other people is wrong no matter the circumstance or whether they want it

 

[telekon]

The worst thing you can do is a traffic-related suicide in my opinion. It's the reason this website exists, to avoid something like this because you would end up hurting a lot of people that way.

 

[LRkin]

Is that Junko Enoshima, I love Danganronpa.

Yes, that's her.
And I love it as well.