I am a sick person I deserve to die

[iwannadie]

I have had this attraction since I was about 14. It's all I have ever known really. I am almost 40 now. Adults do not interest me.

I know the world is a better place without people like me.

 

[Hikikomori1]

you will judge me anyway but ok

I am an adult who is attracted to kids and even though I have never acted on it I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment and well I just want to die

I can relate to you i am attracted to kids as well.

I also have never acted on it and i don't want to hurt kids because i love them so much.

I also like you want to die because of my attraction and it is one of the big reasons i isolate myself from society and don't go outside.

The best thing you can do OP is to learn to accept that side of yourself and just try to stay away from kids the best you can or learn self control so you don't come off as creepy or dangerous.

IMHO pedos don't deserve to live and that includes me

The world is a better place without them/me

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to kids it is acting on it that's the problem.

Like i said as long as you stay away from kids or learn self control and don't engage in illegal content you're pretty much fine.

A hikikomori only has the internet as their entire life. It isn't limited to only some internet access.
Doesn't that seem very likely to divulge into cp for a pedophile?
The archetypical image of a hikikomori is trash and masturbation tissues strewn around their room.

I am a hikikomori and a pedo while i don't go out of my way to look at illegal content i have seen it before because i used to be active on 4chan a long time ago.

Honestly porn in general just makes me feel depressed so i sit and watch YouTube or movies or TV shows all day or sleep.

Also this exact thing happened in Welcome To The NHK!

I have had this attraction since I was about 14. It's all I have ever known really. I am almost 40 now. Adults do not interest me.

I know the world is a better place without people like me.

While i am not exclusive because i like adults too i still know how you feel.

 

[iwannadie]

Hi it's been a while but just wanted give an update.

Acquired some SN a few months ago (95% pure). My plan right now is to CTB in the next month or so. Just going to mix some into a water bottle. I don't have access to any benzos or other prescriptions, so probably going to take some otc nausea meds and some sleeping pills and hope for the best.

Not sure if that is the best idea but I'm open to suggestions.

Thanks

 

[darksouls]

I am very sorry about your situation,
however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[CatGoMeyow]

Look, I'm not advocating for any particular group. This is not political. I just want to say, you cannot remove pedophilia without removing sex from humanity. Pedophilia is established in all the great societies. You simply cannot remove sex from the closeness of families and the developmental nature of childhood, because adults are sexual and they developed from children themselves. To say the world should be removed of pedophilia is like saying we should remove human hunger for sugar or fatty foods. Sex really is that fundamental to our souls and our developments.

They do research on this, there's probably tens or hundreds of millions of people attracted to children in the western world alone. Virtually everybody probably has some attraction to children. I think it's universal. An astonishingly, astonishingly low number of people create a crime from their desires. And the research is clear again... you do not have to be a pedophile to sexually harm a child or an adult. There's no connection between attraction and hurting others. You will find plenty of people who harm others their own age range, who harm others the "right orientation."

The pedophile thing is a total fucking societal hysteria, mostly to the level of constant moral panic because it's own inhabitants feel the desires themselves. I think this is an OCD-panic thing. There's absolutely no reason somebody with a taboo attraction should be separate from others. If we did that for a 'pedophile', we'd do it for damn near anybody. Ever wanted to punch your neighbor in the face? Smash out a car window? Steal? Get a promotion at the expense of somebody else? Bang your neighbor's wife or husband? Oh God no, you're the scum of the Earth, we better cast you away forever!

I would never personally harm a child, I don't believe children and adults should have sex in real life, and I don't follow my desires for children, but all be dammed if people with attraction to children are somehow special, violent or tainted. This is all superego self-policing. I'd think reading more about history and other cultures could help dispel this and see it as a universe human condition outside of the modernity's moral panic about it.

Pretty much everybody's sex is taboo in some way, just maybe not this specific taboo, but children is virtually damn near the universal taboo.

Can you get past your front-door judgments and address what exactly makes a minor attracted person such a shameful, isolating and terrible condition?

 

[iwannadie]

Look, I'm not advocating for any particular group. This is not political. I just want to say, you cannot remove pedophilia without removing sex from humanity. Pedophilia is established in all the great societies. You simply cannot remove sex from the closeness of families and the developmental nature of childhood, because adults are sexual and they developed from children themselves. To say the world should be removed of pedophilia is like saying we should remove human hunger for sugar or fatty foods. Sex really is that fundamental to our souls and our developments.

They do research on this, there's probably tens or hundreds of millions of people attracted to children in the western world alone. Virtually everybody probably has some attraction to children. I think it's universal. An astonishingly, astonishingly low number of people create a crime from their desires. And the research is clear again... you do not have to be a pedophile to sexually harm a child or an adult. There's no connection between attraction and hurting others. You will find plenty of people who harm others their own age range, who harm others the "right orientation."

The pedophile thing is a total fucking societal hysteria, mostly to the level of constant moral panic because it's own inhabitants feel the desires themselves. I think this is an OCD-panic thing. There's absolutely no reason somebody with a taboo attraction should be separate from others. If we did that for a 'pedophile', we'd do it for damn near anybody. Ever wanted to punch your neighbor in the face? Smash out a car window? Steal? Get a promotion at the expense of somebody else? Bang your neighbor's wife or husband? Oh God no, you're the scum of the Earth, we better cast you away forever!

I would never personally harm a child, I don't believe children and adults should have sex in real life, and I don't follow my desires for children, but all be dammed if people with attraction to children are somehow special, violent or tainted. This is all superego self-policing. I'd think reading more about history and other cultures could help dispel this and see it as a universe human condition outside of the modernity's moral panic about it.

Pretty much everybody's sex is taboo in some way, just maybe not this specific taboo, but children is virtually damn near the universal taboo.

Can you get past your front-door judgments and address what exactly makes a minor attracted person such a shameful, isolating and terrible condition?

For me, it's less about dealing with the attraction/urges and more about being tired of dealing with the shame and loneliness. I know I'm not the only one dealing with this, but I still feel very alone all the time. I have had relations with other men in the past, but it never worked out. I've lost several friends I thought I could trust, once I told them about my attractions to boys. I think maybe because I tried to bury my feelings for other boys when I was young that they never matured with my age.

Honestly I'm just really tired of living and I want to see what ( if anything ) comes next.