It would just be better if I died

[Butterfly-death]

I'm a waste of space doing nothing with my life. I know I'm just a burden to my family, my dad makes that pretty clear. I wonder if one of these days he'll just have me go homeless. I wouldn't even be mad at him because I think it's what I deserve. I'm an adult yet I feel like a child most of the time. I don't want to be here but I am. Nothing left to do but cry. Lack of money is a huge issue for me getting in the way of everything I hate it. I hate my life. I hate myself. I have and was born with physical and mental issues. I'm so scared I won't get the chance to ctb and will die in one of the worst ways possible instead. I just have to convince myself I deserve whatever bad thing happens to me. I want to die peacefully or even just somewhat peacefully by my own choice but deep down I feel like that won't happen. I'm sure I'm going to suffer until the day I die and even my own death will be me suffering :(

 

[LXR515]

I relate to that a lot esp the mental and physical issues. One thing that comforts me at least is knowing that the bus is always available in some kind of form