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K

Kavka

Student
Jun 11, 2024
141
Here is my analysis on how suicidal I am right now.
  • I've been passively suicidal throughout (most of) my life and I'm actively suicidal for months now. + 60%
  • I'm actively planning for it and I have the means. + 20% (80%)
  • I'm not really interested in preventing CTB as an end in itself and trying to live at all cost. + 10% (90%)
  • The future doesn't play a major role anymore in my decisions. I often wonder if I'd still be there when thinking about the (near) future. + 20% (110%)
  • I think resignation, which slowly changes to acceptance, best describes my average mood these days. + 10% (120%)
  • I'm don't think that I and (my) life is ever going to fundamentally change (for the better). + 30% (150%)
  • I'm not in a hurry though and I don't have a specific date set. - 20% (130%)
  • Small changes and improvements may statistically still be possible and I'm still open to try new things if they have a reasonable expected ROI. - 10% (120%)
  • I'm still curious, interested in things and able to enjoy (some) things in life. It's getting harder though, as my appetite for life has dwindled. - 15% (105%)
  • I have never been so suicidal, but I've definitely felt (much) worse in the past. I can't hold on like this forever, but I can hold on a little longer. - 20% (85%)
  • I love people in my life and I'm pretty sure they love me too. I'm not sure if my life is bad enough right now to justify the negative impact it will have on them. - 30% (55%).
Conclusion: I'm a walking contraction. I feel like this analysis doesn't take me and my feelings seriously enough though, so I'm going to round it up to 70% just to show that I'm serious!
 
Last edited:
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thebelljarrr

thebelljarrr

.
Apr 26, 2024
116
I would say 100% if I had any means, I see no chance of not doing it so I'll go w 90%
 
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M

MettleSpirit41

Member
Jun 2, 2024
38
Somewhere between 55-70% all the time. Depends very much on the day actually.
 
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R

rozeske

Maybe I am the problem
Dec 2, 2023
4,056
98%
 
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snowflake1230

snowflake1230

rodya ♱
Jun 30, 2024
4
60-80%. tried strangle myself few times couldnt find carotids if only i knew a way i can ctb in peace i would definitely do it right away i dont have any last message or anything of any sort.
 
U

Username1359751

Enlightened
Mar 14, 2024
1,333
Well I had to rate it on a scale of 1-5 with therapist today. I said 3 and didn't mention my packet of sn.

85-98% - don't have my stuff ready or finalized. That takes time. Plus, sn is my preferred nethod.
Not***
 
A

annique

🕊️ seeking profound peace 🕊️
Jul 5, 2022
201
90%, peaking at 100% throughout the day.
 
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L

LifeIsBS

Soon
Jun 1, 2024
103
95%, can ramp up to 100% anyday.
 
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bitofftoomuch

bitofftoomuch

hold onto those who accept your messy self
Jul 1, 2024
148
In high school, I was solidly between 50-75%. I didn't want to live, and I knew i didn't want to live, but I couldn't be arsed to plan anything.

In undergrad I'd say 40-60 the first three years. My breakdown in year 4 was probably 85. I pulled it together and graduated year 5 somewhere in the 40s. Coasted in the 40s for a few years. Found support and love and rebirth when I moved for grad school. By 2023 I had gotten it probably as low as 20% or even 0 on the really good days, but I've made colossal interpersonal mistakes in the past few months that I'll likely never recover from. So now it's 85 again. Was probably 90 last week.
 
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idontfeellikeimreal

idontfeellikeimreal

Member
Aug 21, 2023
60
I'd say about 50/50 right now. Both living and CTB scare me equally, so I just exist one day at the time without settling on either option.
I absolutely agree with this, same.
 
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V

Vivir_O_No

Student
Dec 10, 2023
117
Below 50% we can consider it passive ideation for convenience, in theory with 0% you are pro-life while with 100% you are practically about to do it so evaluate the answers carefully.

I think I oscillate between 40% and 80%, some time ago I would even say 90%, having managed to overcome the SI one night I could even say 100% but only that evening.
100% right now.
 
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ChiseHatori

ChiseHatori

Member
Mar 2, 2023
97
60-75%? It's hard to say...
 
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misatosdiary

misatosdiary

everything and nothing at once
Jun 28, 2024
53
"only" about 40%
 
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mikgazer6

mikgazer6

No existence, no problem
Jul 1, 2024
150
40% right now, probably 30-60 average
 
D

DeathPaloma

Opening quote of "Memórias Póstumas de Brás Cubas"
Sep 30, 2023
32
Right now I think 40% . It's always in the back of my mind, but idk maybe too numb to be active about it at all
 
ham and potatoes

ham and potatoes

Just some hillbilly
Mar 27, 2024
462
At the moment, like 25%. But a few months ago it was much, much higher than that.
Hopefully I can keep lowering that number....
 
M

mark404

Member
Jan 11, 2024
25
30% - 70%. I'm thinking of going with carbon monoxide but can't overcome my SI.
 
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sugarb

sugarb

thief of silent dreams
Jun 14, 2024
795
I generally hover at 50-60% but I hit 90-100% (mentally ready to CTB) at some point during just about every day. I occasionally dip below 30% (wanting to wake up the next day) if something interesting is going on.
 
thealteredmind

thealteredmind

Experienced
Apr 2, 2024
230
90%
once this year ends... 100%
 
Theresnoescape

Theresnoescape

Student
May 29, 2024
132
I would say 75%, if it wasn't for my son I think I'd be gone by now.
 
M

MaximusDecimus

Member
Aug 30, 2023
7
At this moment in time, probably around 30%. But I'm about 90% sure I'll die by my own hand sometime in the next few years.
 
-nobodyknows-

-nobodyknows-

I will face my fate.
Jun 16, 2024
724
It varies significantly. When I'm with people I trust it sometimes drops all the way down to 0 ("these people are great and they seem to care about me; I want to do my best to deal with things so that it doesn't hurt them"), but at other times it gets to a solid 100 where I'd absolutely do something if I had the means to in that moment.

I find that the less time I spend around such people, the higher it gets. Unfortunately I'm in a spot where I probably won't be able to spend as much time with them, which worries me.

Then again, I also feel quite guilty about it. It feels like I'm using them, and I don't like that.
 
Pyxel

Pyxel

Gear Head
Sep 10, 2023
71
A mix between 40% & 80% depending on how the day goes.