How suicidal do you consider yourself at the moment as a percentage?

[TetheredDan]

Hard to tell, 50% perhaps. Sometimes I think it goes up close to 100%, but I still don't have the equipment (nitrogen tank) and I'm still hesitating in pressing the button "Add to Cart". There's something forcing me to stay alive although I feel most of the time like crap.

 

[samdocheon]

100% since a moment ago.
Wasting time all the nights and days because of its not the time to go. Wednesday/thursday don't know exactly family agenda so... Wait & see

 

[wCvML2]

There are consistent thoughts of the desire to cease to exist and not wanting to deal with life but the practical act itself of dying scares me so ig 55%. Leaning a little to active ideation because I do plot plans all the time and gather resources to die but I don't act on them and become stuck in limbo, just storing it in case life gets a lot worse.

 

[Only_Lonely]

92%

 

[grungy自殺]

15% to 30% in my ordinary mood state

During which i often think that suicide is a taboo thing to do and that it's often that most people would not take lightly

But also for me i'm indifferent (for some obvious reasons) and often sometimes i often talk about it in a joking manner that i even join in with people to laugh at the concept of it. Though not that i'm extremely insensitive and facetious when it comes to it. But i often do it as a way to cope. To poke fun at it (i mean hell, recently i had a conversation with a best friend of mine and i brought the topic of how you want to commit suicide, randomly out of nowhere, and he said that he'll use a gun and we would joke about how some people that are disfigured look like zombies or some shit, and how that ronnie dude's face now looks like the demogorgon from stranger things. And yeah i know i'm so fucked up lol)

But when i'm often alone with no one and i'm just thinking about my life, and when i suddenly start thinking of something that is the causes for my hopelessness (like my loneliness/isolation and rejection to be liked by someone in high school years ago) my mood changes and it jumps itself from 30% to 70% - 95%

In the state that i'm, i would honestly think and say that life is pointless and unworthy to care for because of the impossible challanges that it gives you to not try and amend your mistakes and problems

And you can't go back in time to change them either

It doesn't help for me that my immaturity is handicaping me to progress on taking on the mental challenges for people my age and generation (gen z)

And i often wonder how the hell did i made myself the way i am and why was i born to begin with?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

passive - maybe 30-40%

I still think it'd be better if I was long gone but rn I couldn't do it.

 

[YearZero]

Right now, 75% as usual. It usually goes up from 40% to 90% a day, but basically there's suicidal ideation going on constantly. Some days the death drive goes up to 100% but I won't ctb by desperation without having a deathproof plan. No-no.

 

[todiefor]

90% maybe I'll ride this panic wave to my death

 

[eden101]

85%

 

[iwanttobeinpeace]

60%

 

[HopeToStay]

It ranges from the baseline 10% to 80%, which is almost worse than it just being at 80% all the time.

I've been going through a prolonged medical scare. Something is clearly wrong with me that might be benign but is potentially very bad but my GP (form UK so healthcare is all socialist bureaucracy) clearly isn't interested in finding out what it is and is just doing the bare minimum to get rid of me. I've got lost in the system, and my suicide levels very wildly depending on how strong the symptoms are and what I've been able to convince myself is the real problem at any given moment.

It's difficult because if it's the bad thing, i honestly can't see much point in continuing my life, too much has gone wrong elsewhere to compensate. If it's benign then i'm eager to fight on.

I've spend the last 5 months cycling through these 2 extremes and it's awful.

 

[tojifushiguro]

80-90%

 

[pollux]

57%

 

[Kurai]

I feel 90% ready to go but there's that 10% of SI lingering it gives me anxiety

 

[Davey36000]

Right now only 10.03%, but it varies a lot.

 

[sugarb]

Below 50% we can consider it passive ideation for convenience, in theory with 0% you are pro-life while with 100% you are practically about to do it so evaluate the answers carefully.

I think I oscillate between 40% and 80%, some time ago I would even say 90%, having managed to overcome the SI one night I could even say 100% but only that evening.

Like 30-40%. If I had gun in hand I'd do it but I'm not desperate.

 

[Valhala]

70 %

 

[M4rii]

it always fluctuates a lot for me. at the moment i would say 40%

 

[Steff1337]

Could be 10% or even less at times, but right now it's 90%.

 

[maniac116]

Below 50% we can consider it passive ideation for convenience, in theory with 0% you are pro-life while with 100% you are practically about to do it so evaluate the answers carefully.

I think I oscillate between 40% and 80%, some time ago I would even say 90%, having managed to overcome the SI one night I could even say 100% but only that evening.

Right now I'm at 40-50%.
What concerns me is: what if when we "die" our consciousness remains? What if the whole
God &/or Jesus or heaven & hell thing is more or less real?
I cant know until I leave here & then it might be too late.
Also The compassion & love expressed on this website inspires me. I wish the rest of the world could understand that compassion.

 

[jyko]

90%, that other 10% is SI. there is completely no point anymore, but that SI stays fighting

 

[J1964]

i wish someone would just tell me what to do.... right now.

100% is my final answer

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

14 thousand gazillion percent.

 

[Jeav]

It depends on the mood, but now it is more stabilized around 30-40%, but it can go up to 80% if i am so pissed of life, and ofc if god can take my soul i am gonna be 100% happy.

 

[terminAllyMental]

I think around 40-60%. I usually want my life to end, but my survival instinct is always too strong to actually follow through and do something about it.
And then sometimes it's even around 20% when I'm distracted or something good happens. But it always goes back to a passive ideation.

Never brave enough to follow through, always sad enough to wish I would just not wake up anymore when I go to sleep.

I 100% agree and feel exactly the same way

 

[Jessectb]

Probably 80%. I'm sure if I use a peaceful method I can overcome SI. Previous attempt I took 3 boxes of paracetamol (150,000MG all up), was excruciating pain (Would not recommend it ) but I never backed out to call emergency services even though I didn't sleep much that night, was kneeled on the on the floor putting up with the excruciating gut pain. Family woke up, found me and took me to ED at about 7am. Wrecked my liver. If only I knew about SN then, I would've been gone for sure. Anyways, still trying to decide between Nitrogen and SN atm, I'll probably order both and when the time comes I'll have to decide how I wanna go.

 

[huntermellow]

like 80% rn ig

 

[tunnelV]

75%

 

[lv-nii]

40-90%

 

[Ariii]

50-80%