How many of you blame your parents for your problems/how you turned out?

[deadverysoon]

It's their fault for giving birth to me, but I'm the one who messed up my own life. Yes, I was abused as a kid and whatnot, but most of my problems today stem from my own past actions.

in my opinion we never had a chance then.

i hear it often: your live is in your own hands, you are what you think and blablabla....

the abuse in the childhood makes us different. and its 100% NOT our fault.

if i could have done different - i just would have done. but if you get treated like shit - yeah what to expect how to behave when it goes on as an adult by family, workplace, friends, partners etc.

people want us to behave different but are not willing to give the tools which are needed to deal with abuse and after that wondering why we get crazy and do stupid things.

no - its really not our fault. everyone knows whats good for people who have been abused. and most if them did NOT experience abuse by themselves. so how the fuck can they know whats good for us? they never asked, and if so and i aswered - yes ugh... thats not possible in that way...

always the same shit... its like i hit someone in the face and then blame for bleeding or being frightened of getting hit again...

i say it again: its NOT our fault.

and its not an excuse for behaving bad. and it does not mean we are not able to change.

 

[Sra_TZ]

in my opinion we never had a chance then.

i hear it often: your live is in your own hands, you are what you think and blablabla....

the abuse in the childhood makes us different. and its 100% NOT our fault.

if i could have done different - i just would have done. but if you get treated like shit - yeah what to expect how to behave when it goes on as an adult by family, workplace, friends, partners etc.

people want us to behave different but are not willing to give the tools which are needed to deal with abuse and after that wondering why we get crazy and do stupid things.

no - its really not our fault. everyone knows whats good for people who have been abused. and most if them did NOT experience abuse by themselves. so how the fuck can they know whats good for us? they never asked, and if so and i aswered - yes ugh... thats not possible in that way...

always the same shit... its like i hit someone in the face and then blame for bleeding or being frightened of getting hit again...

i say it again: its NOT our fault.

and its not an excuse for behaving bad. and it does not mean we are not able to change.

Words can't express how much I appreciate your reply to my response. You made my day, and made me feel so much better about myself. I see you've joined recently- I hope you've been finding the community to be a welcoming place. I understood your point- the abuse changed me and I was never given a chance to choose for myself. Most people don't get what abuse is like. All they can find themselves saying is "don't blame your past for the way you are". The line where you said: "blame for bleeding or being frightened of getting hit again" really hit home. I was never allowed to cry, never felt like I had the right to feel pain. I agree that none of it is a reason for behaving badly. I have never let it be a reason either. I try to be nice to everyone. As much as I hate my life, if I can make someone else's a tiny bit better, that's good enough for me.

Just to clarify, blaming someone or something is a choice. I spent most of my younger years passionately blaming my family, my past for everything. Today, I choose not to. I choose to forgive for my own healing. It may be their fault, but blaming them is not going to get me anywhere. I accept that my childhood was the way it was and there's nothing I can do to change it now. What I can do is focus on me. Focus on the mistakes I made and try my best to rectify them. As the saying goes, "I can't change or fix anyone, but I can change and work on myself". The ultimate goal may be to ctb, but for now, the less pain and anger, the better.

 

[slyna]

Parenting is rly a despicable act. It's like they're getting off on making more souls suffer.

No. It's not like it. IT IS THAT. I'm 100% convinced.

 

[Efilismislife]

people tend to forget that

you inherited bad genetic also from your parents. so nature=your parents. Even your character, talent, etc.

nature=reproduction. but as human has developed intelligence&self awareness we can choose to reproduce(n stop the curse evil nature) or pass it to the newborn baby to carry for the rest of their lives.

although some parents might not realized that, but its still the result of their action.
It could be an unintentional mistake that we have to bear

It's the old Nature vs Nurture debate. My narcassistic parents and bad family life have impacted my life greatly and still do, however I feel there is also a chemical imbalance in my brain, it's simply not normal for me to feel as hopeless as I feel. It's 50/50 in my opinion.

in my opinion we never had a chance then.

i hear it often: your live is in your own hands, you are what you think and blablabla....

the abuse in the childhood makes us different. and its 100% NOT our fault.

if i could have done different - i just would have done. but if you get treated like shit - yeah what to expect how to behave when it goes on as an adult by family, workplace, friends, partners etc.

people want us to behave different but are not willing to give the tools which are needed to deal with abuse and after that wondering why we get crazy and do stupid things.

no - its really not our fault. everyone knows whats good for people who have been abused. and most if them did NOT experience abuse by themselves. so how the fuck can they know whats good for us? they never asked, and if so and i aswered - yes ugh... thats not possible in that way...

always the same shit... its like i hit someone in the face and then blame for bleeding or being frightened of getting hit again...

i say it again: its NOT our fault.

and its not an excuse for behaving bad. and it does not mean we are not able to change.

True. Theres a research how abuse could damage/alter your brain&health.(especially during childhood/teenage years)

I got physical rare disease(and other disease) due to being abused my whole lives since i was a child. Stress itself could really damage you.

But society keep victim blaming&spread toxic positivity instead.

 

[deadverysoon]

"u got hit by a truck u die" - yes its just that way. sometimes there is just nothing to fix anymore. and sometimes its just too late.

btw:
maybe i should ctt instead of ctb (bad humor - sorry)

 

[Efilismislife]

"u got hit by a truck u die" - yes its just that way. sometimes there is just nothing to fix anymore. and sometimes its just too late.

btw:
maybe i should ctt instead of ctb (bad humor - sorry)

Lol true. I thought about it many times: The feeling of hopelessness that there can be nothing to fix anymore, nothing left. Instead things seem to be going worse/more problems adding up.

The body aging is already a certain thing how life will getting worse eventually.

Thats why reproduction seem like a curse. We're just a doll being played by this world system/nature, cursed. Being told to keep breeding, suffer and die, for nothing, vicious cycle.

 

[rosie93]

Lol true. I thought about it many times: The feeling of hopelessness that there can be nothing to fix anymore, nothing left. Instead things seem to be going worse/more problems adding up.

The body aging is already a certain thing how life will getting worse eventually.

Thats why reproduction seem like a curse. We're just a doll being played by this world system/nature, cursed. Being told to keep breeding, suffer and die, for nothing, vicious cycle.

Same with me. I don't know about you but it was always me who was adding up more and more problems. I have this problem with fixing things.

Aging would be such a nightmare - I'm sure I would end up living for a long time, till I'm 80 or 90 just like the rest of my family, with a Parkinson and soon. I feel like I already have symptoms. Oh, and alone.

 

[meetapple]

I would say that my genetics are responsible for my problems but if my parents had recognized my problems earlier or I told them about it they could have been alleviated.

 

[ChobaniFlipSmores]

I think it's 100% on me, but my therapist constantly is telling me that a majority of my trauma and learned unhealthy habits come from the lack of my parents doing what they should have done when I was growing up.

 

[ojinzo]

I'm curious as to how our parents/upbringing fit into our problems

To start, I loved this poll. It was so hard to answer but I chose fifty fifty. I hate the facts my parents didn't fully prepare me for life. I often think to myself, if I had children, frek sesame street, they're watching MSNBC. I wish my parents encouraged me to get into a good career, and explained the importance of credit, not doing drugs, and planning for the future, etc. I resent them for not but I love them enough to not blame them. I like to think they were young and did the best they could.Which is why I chose fifty fifty because they could have done way frekking better.

 

[Cowgirl2000]

My mum told me yesterday that I am lazy, just fooling around the whole day. Despite working at a diner 7-8 hours a day. I did bad at school and as a result instead of going to college I have to serve old people bad tasting food. And everything is my dear love's fault who died a few weeks ago. She may be right with the school thing. The rest is bullshit. So my parents definitely carry part of the guilt why I am here. And I've had my share too

 

[Darkover]

you get put with shit and your whole life turns out shit

 

[GettingOut]

The short answer is: Yes.

My parents had unprotected sex at 18 and were forced to get married because of the pregnancy. They were emotionally unavailable, and neither protected me from physical, emotional and sexual abuse. I have an ACE score of 8. I have been diagnosed with a progressive motor neuron disease. My dad has completely rejected me. My mom and the guy who she sleeps with are narcissistic. Their abusive speech and negativity are the primary reasons I want to ctb. I'm financially dependent on them. I don't want to be chained to this disintegrating fleshly tomb while suffering unbearable physical and emotional pain.