Discussion How have you changed after joining SaSu?

[DeletedAccount0864]

Things have only got worse for me.

Not because of this site, though. I don't really post here much for a variety of reasons.

 

[achb]

When I found SaSu, I was just starting college. I was having a good time, but the inevitable feelings of "I want to die" were ever present. I was considering the logistics of swimming off into the ocean for ctb (spurred by a question my friend had asked for her writing), and I googled it. It led me to SaSu.

I made an account and wondered if it would make me more suicidal. I remember thinking along the lines of "I'm not that suicidal right now. It's more casual. I wonder if this will make it worse."

It did. Honestly it made me way more focused on ctb. But I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. I have a great time on SaSu. It feels like when I found a discord community in middle/highschool. It's tons of fun chatting here. I would be much less satisfied with my college experience if not for SaSu. And it makes me more motivated to actually attempt. I know more, so there's less uncertainty and fear.

TLDR: It made me more suicidal, but it also gave me a place to go and have fun and chat freely, which I am eternally grateful for.

 

[imsotired35]

I feel more confident in my decision. Also being here has helped me understand how to succeed where as before I would have done things that could have left me permanently damaged but still alive.

 

[tbroken]

It was not SaSu but news, YT and web-surfing, to change my mind, accept my life and not making me hate myself or some specific ppl, but society as a whole and the fate. But thx to SaSu i have now my ctb resource, i learnt how to use it and i can discuss tabu things without the need of being avoided, ridiculed or worse not understood at all.

 

[SmallKoy]

I think I have become a lot more desensitized to the topics that are discussed here. When I joined, I used to think a lot of discussions here were very disturbing but now I just kind of feel normal here.

 

[Ash’Girl]

I don't think it's changed me much, it's just armed me with the knowledge and understanding to be more practical about methods (as opposed to impulsive and ill thought out).

 

[LaughingGoat]

Mostly helping me settle on what method I will use when the time comes.

 

[TAW122]

SaSu has given me a platform and space to discuss about topics that most other places (the other 99% other spaces in this world) wouldn't allow or have any safe space from. It also has allowed me to share my thoughts and find some temporary solace knowing that I'm not the only person who has a contrary perspective that isn't really accepted elsewhere. Furthermore, it has given me knowledge of certain methods that are horrendously misrepresented and actually debunk any myths and false claims about method success rates, which almost no other place can do (to name a few: hypothermia, hyperthermia, jumping, cutting, hanging, alcohol poisoning, and overdoses, etc.). Hollywood and mainstream views on certain methods and even popular ones are badly skewed and oftenly grossly incorrect on success rates whereas people on the SaSu community knows more and would give an honest, accurate assessment on a particular method. Then of course, not having the constant unsolicited bombardment of platitudes, gaslighters, and other people probing one's reasoning or wish to die as it's a pro-choice platform (not to say that trolls and pro-lifers, anti-choicers don't lurk about, but they are quickly dealt with).

I suppose the difference is even though I still want to die (by my own hand) and probably will given the right time and circumstance (or certain catalysts combined), at least I would have the best information on success rates and also some camaraderie before I take the final act or even for many years to come.

 

[chobonzi]

I feel less alone. I've met so many like-minded people on SaSu and this is the one place I can truly just speak my mind. I don't get out much so social interactions are hard for me but here, I don't have to worry about people thinking I'm weird or treating me like I'm fragile.

How has SaSu changed you?

i feel like i've found a place that finally understands me and doesn't give the stupid cliches we have all herd. although i hate those cliches, i appreciate the fact people take time to even try and help. but having people tell you it gets better just hurts more most of the time. for me personally. i'm not going to say i've lessened or increase my thought of CTB but i've learned ways that would help more rather than causing myself more brain damage after failed attempts. i appreciate this site and the people in it, finally i don't feel so alone.

 

[Raindancer]

I definitely feel less alone, but I was very naive when I started here. I didn't realize that ctbing was going to be so difficult. Greatly appreciative of all the info because the absolute last thing I would want would be to end up in worse condition.

 

[PlasticFace]

I feel more confident in my decision. Also being here has helped me understand how to succeed where as before I would have done things that could have left me permanently damaged but still alive.

That's what SaSu is for! I'm so glad that others are seeing SaSu as being informational. If I had known of these forums before, I might not be suffering from the consequences of failed CTB attempts. Welcome to SaSu!

 

[BlockHammer]

Well, i didn't feel any significant change within me. I feel like im still the same person before joining this forum, but i gotta say im glad that i found a website that actually embraced suicide (meaning that they accept suicide as one of yhe solution to end someone suffering physically or mentaly and not forcing suicide onto people) ans have a healty discussion regarding some philosophy or suicide methode without being shamed or criticize by someone who has this holier than thou mentality. Last, they really did gave us the actual info regarding methode which's kindda scary but on the same time are needed cause depended on where you lived, suicide might be harder to do

 

[turbomightbegone]

I don't think I changed much, I'm still a bedrotter. But this website has helped me get my thoughts out in a way that wouldn't hurt my loved ones, so I guess this place gives me a temporary sense of calm.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Its given me a lot of food for thought - where I struggled to found words, I have seen posts and threads that felt so relatable, giving me new perspectives and words. More so than therapy has achieved for me.

Its also given better insight into methods etc where I was totally naive before. But also increased doubts on a lot of them and failure rates.

Definitely less alone in terms of changing my mind - it is comforting that it IS normal to not be one thing/thought or another, but a jumble of ever-changing opposites all over the place.

 

[Parnate]

I feel less alone, I find the kindness, sympathy and empathy I need. Sometimes I need to feel validated and I get it over here.

 

[passivethought121]

I think about suicide a lot more, but I'm also calmer about it. Prior, I was more anxious because suicide felt like a painfully inaccessible fantasy. Now I know it's not, and I planned a good attempt. It'll happen one day, but I don't have to frantically chase it as soon as possible.

 

[demuic]

I understand even better how everything in life is a disappointment. This place is another example to me of how everything eventually becomes a shell of its former self if it goes on for long enough.

 

[Username1359751]

Although I find people who dislike living and want out as I do, it just makes me envious that they have the resources and are making steps to their goal. I see a lot of people comment that they feel less alone, but in my experience, I just feel even more hopeless and more alone. Like I'm rejected by people just as miserable as me. Truly nowhere for me to go except in the ground.

 

[LiefLeven<3]

I am more at peace and at the same time not. I can see the path leading me to a better place and God knows if I had to figure all these methods out myself I would cry myself to death. But being so close, yet so far is really frustrating.

 

[diviosd]

Probably not

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

I don't feel alone for not wanting to drink the corporate capitalist kool-aid. I love you all, i promise on god that i do. And i will be donating to the site in large amounts before i ctb.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I'm in a position where I can't attempt ctb without risking my necessary healthcare if I were to survive. So I come here instead of attempting when I really want to end it. Either I look at the site or I drink. I'm such a wreck rn but ig coming here is healthier than getting drunk every day.

 

[xhelx]

I feel more suicidal than ever, but not because of SS, more because of life circumstances. I feel a little bit more "normal", seeing that there are so many people I can relate to, but I find it depressing too. I never knew how many people felt this way, and I dont think witnessing such suffering every day is good for my mental health. What gets me the most are the goodbye threads, I know I'm supposed to be happy that they are finally finding peace, but I still find them incredibly sad, knowing how much that person had to suffer to feel like ctb is the best option for them. I haven't been on here for too long, but I feel like I need a break from it

 

[Pollenallergy]

I feel less alone. I've met so many like-minded people on SaSu and this is the one place I can truly just speak my mind. I don't get out much so social interactions are hard for me but here, I don't have to worry about people thinking I'm weird or treating me like I'm fragile.

How has SaSu changed you?

I've found a strange comfort in meeting so many likeminded people, as well as a newfound sense of reassurance getting to read up properly on certain methods. Would hate do carry the dread of doing things wrong.

 

[offtoseethewizard]

Worse. But I think that's mainly down to my mental health deteriorating markedly. Hard to tell though. This place definitely crystallizes the thought processes for good or ill

 

[Abysicle]

I mean I just got back from a few months break and tbh it's not so much different since joining as much as it is while being active.

Non active Abyss: Stuck in a shitty world
Sasu abyss: happy to have a way out

 

[hopeless08]

I feel less alone. I've met so many like-minded people on SaSu and this is the one place I can truly just speak my mind. I don't get out much so social interactions are hard for me but here, I don't have to worry about people thinking I'm weird or treating me like I'm fragile.

How has SaSu changed you?

Same

 

[ham and potatoes]

I also feel less alone. Before, i didnt have anyone or anyplace i could even remotely talk about these thing, kinda felt like i was completely alone going through it.
Kinda comforting knowing im not alone

 

[terra.nuvo]

I feel more free and better able to express my sadness which is nice.

 

[bgd2022]

It has probably prevented me from trying to CTB a few times. I know one day I will go out that way but when I am going through a rough time where I feel I would impulsively CTB, I end up here. Just reading that other people in the world are going through varying degrees of what I am makes me feel not alone.