Sn ctb thread

[DignifiedGrave]

Hello world! I am writing this from work. Today, I took my first metoclopramide. I will take another later at 4, and again tonight at 1２, unless i decide to die tonight, then ill have three at 11-11:20.
Anyway. I feel my time is here, this week has been kind and somehow I managed to import meto and sn. I will try to get a benzo but, i wont be needing it. Ill do 600mg ibuprofen with my meto before I drink myself to sleep. Ill report if I live.
The past few weeks ive thought heavily about suicide but this week is the calmest ive been. I feel so calm. Between everything coming in and how good this week has been so far, I suppose im like, destined to cbt. Gonna watch serial experiments lain tonight as much as I can, and well, either between tonight and Saturday ill make my leave.
Also. I started this while working, I been adding on to my draft as the done has gone so sorry if thoughts are disorganized. Actually just finished work and now its my weekend, I feel ready to act and took my second meto a few minutes ago around 430. I think its fine to allow leniency in my schedule. I actually feel totally fine on meto thus far and haven't experienced any weirdness. So thats a big plus. Luckily, with it being my weekend, i don't have to worry about anything. I get to relax, and just, be at peace I guess. And soon, we'll probably find an ever-unfolding expanse of that very peace. I'm we, btw. Dont ask it's just what we be doing.
We'll Sasu. What can I say, except... well ill miss you all. My friends, you know yourselves, ill miss you friends, ill miss every opportunity ive had here to relate and to be related to, to speak without fear of sounding looney, to be in a truly gentle and caring space. Yes, suicide creates the most gentle of spaces.
I just lowkey cant believe im here now, but when i see into the future, I see black, i dont even consider such a thing much anymore. I used to aways think about the future, about what needed to be done, about what I was working for. Ive lost all that this past year, since last October. Now I think "Do i have to awake tomorrow?"
Id rather not. Well... we wont have to... Not anymore, and neither work or eat or smoke, or talk to people. Is that bad? Is it? I dont really think so. I think, right now as I write to you, Sasu, to who I say goodbye, hopefully one last time, I think that, we are killed by suicide not ourselves, I think we are innocent and that suicide is not wrong. Any moralizing of suicide can only harm us who wish not to harm or be harmed. I think, its alright. All those things ill miss, all these people, all you guys... itll be okay. I know itll okay, and now, I am not so scared anymore. I feel good. I always cry when I think im abandoning people, but today, i feel fine. Last night, I stood in my noose for long, I almost went through, and my survival instinct felt so damned low, like something swooped down and lifted it up into the heavens to be my guide. Like I was meant to go through with the act, and when I stepped out, I got back in and thought some more. I only didnt do it because part of me felt that the noose isnt certain enough. I was more scared to wake back up then to leave. So thats why, even if SN might make me suffer, and im not necessarily certain it will, itll be my method of choice. I know when take it, that SN will be very certain and that i will pass. Sasu, give me strength and wish me peace. This weekend, I intent to die.

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Hello world! I am writing this from work. Today, I took my first metoclopramide. I will take another later at 4, and again tonight at 1２, unless i decide to die tonight, then ill have three at 11-11:20.
Anyway. I feel my time is here, this week has been kind and somehow I managed to import meto and sn. I will try to get a benzo but, i wont be needing it. Ill do 600mg ibuprofen with my meto before I drink myself to sleep. Ill report if I live.
The past few weeks ive thought heavily about suicide but this week is the calmest ive been. I feel so calm. Between everything coming in and how good this week has been so far, I suppose im like, destined to cbt. Gonna watch serial experiments lain tonight as much as I can, and well, either between tonight and Saturday ill make my leave.
Also. I started this while working, I been adding on to my draft as the done has gone so sorry if thoughts are disorganized. Actually just finished work and now its my weekend, I feel ready to act and took my second meto a few minutes ago around 430. I think its fine to allow leniency in my schedule. I actually feel totally fine on meto thus far and haven't experienced any weirdness. So thats a big plus. Luckily, with it being my weekend, i don't have to worry about anything. I get to relax, and just, be at peace I guess. And soon, we'll probably find an ever-unfolding expanse of that very peace. I'm we, btw. Dont ask it's just what we be doing.
We'll Sasu. What can I say, except... well ill miss you all. My friends, you know yourselves, ill miss you friends, ill miss every opportunity ive had here to relate and to be related to, to speak without fear of sounding looney, to be in a truly gentle and caring space. Yes, suicide creates the most gentle of spaces.
I just lowkey cant believe im here now, but when i see into the future, I see black, i dont even consider such a thing much anymore. I used to aways think about the future, about what needed to be done, about what I was working for. Ive lost all that this past year, since last October. Now I think "Do i have to awake tomorrow?"
Id rather not. Well... we wont have to... Not anymore, and neither work or eat or smoke, or talk to people. Is that bad? Is it? I dont really think so. I think, right now as I write to you, Sasu, to who I say goodbye, hopefully one last time, I think that, we are killed by suicide not ourselves, I think we are innocent and that suicide is not wrong. Any moralizing of suicide can only harm us who wish not to harm or be harmed. I think, its alright. All those things ill miss, all these people, all you guys... itll be okay. I know itll okay, and now, I am not so scared anymore. I feel good. I always cry when I think im abandoning people, but today, i feel fine. Last night, I stood in my noose for long, I almost went through, and my survival instinct felt so damned low, like something swooped down and lifted it up into the heavens to be my guide. Like I was meant to go through with the act, and when I stepped out, I got back in and thought some more. I only didnt do it because part of me felt that the noose isnt certain enough. I was more scared to wake back up then to leave. So thats why, even if SN might make me suffer, and im not necessarily certain it will, itll be my method of choice. I know when take it, that SN will be very certain and that i will pass. Sasu, give me strength and wish me peace. This weekend, I intent to die.

Well all. I tested my sn and it seems to me that its quite pure and suitable for my purposes. For good measure I'll probably use 25 grams instead of 20.5 just because I want to be sure in case my test were unfortunate inaccurate on the low side. Why not? Whats its gonna do? Kill me? Huhhh. Im confident. I think ill copy 100memoryleaks who used benadryl. Something I hadn't myself considered but am willing to try for lack of benzos. Ill actually crush the benadryl and dissolve in a small amount of water to take as a shot and speed up absorption. I am confident ill ctb peacefully tomorrow. I am taking my metos knowing that im doing so to die and i do not hesitate one bit. As for the sn. Well see. Tomorrow, im will clean up my room where I plan to pass away at midnight while my family is either asleep or deeply preoccupied. I am going to lay in bed and listen to music. Ive dreamed of dying in bed listening to music for while because each night I sleep and while i do so I like to listen to asmr. But for death I choose music. Im gonna make my Playlist tonight and then ill share. In a reply to this post.

 

[tokyoboo]

I hope you have a peaceful ctb, listening to music and sleeping sounds good , ima do that too ig..

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Well all. I tested my sn and it seems to me that its quite pure and suitable for my purposes. For good measure I'll probably use 25 grams instead of 20.5 just because I want to be sure in case my test were unfortunate inaccurate on the low side. Why not? Whats its gonna do? Kill me? Huhhh. Im confident. I think ill copy 100memoryleaks who used benadryl. Something I hadn't myself considered but am willing to try for lack of benzos. Ill actually crush the benadryl and dissolve in a small amount of water to take as a shot and speed up absorption. I am confident ill ctb peacefully tomorrow. I am taking my metos knowing that im doing so to die and i do not hesitate one bit. As for the sn. Well see. Tomorrow, im will clean up my room where I plan to pass away at midnight while my family is either asleep or deeply preoccupied. I am going to lay in bed and listen to music. Ive dreamed of dying in bed listening to music for while because each night I sleep and while i do so I like to listen to asmr. But for death I choose music. Im gonna make my Playlist tonight and then ill share. In a reply to this post.

If anybody is interested in being in contact with me during my final moments tomorrow night, id much appreciate it.
I haven't exactly gotten close with anyone here, but everyone ive talked to has left a profound impact on me and I love the people in this community.

I hope you have a peaceful ctb, listening to music and sleeping sounds good , ima do that too ig..

Thank you very much. Im confident my ctb will be at least semi peaceful. Zen awaits.

 

[wannabeangel]

i hope everything is peaceful to you, you said you wanted someone to be in contact with you, im not super close to anyone here either but the communityhelps me so much, youre part of it so im willing to be there for you

 

[DignifiedGrave]

i hope everything is peaceful to you, you said you wanted someone to be in contact with you, im not super close to anyone here either but the communityhelps me so much, youre part of it so im willing to be there for you

Thank you a lot! Even if I back out. I think having someone available during the act to reach to can be positive. Id be especially happy if someone could report on my behalf the peacefulness of my death should I go through with it. I know that may be a lot to ask but its common here and, I feel its important to document these things, you know?
Itll be comforting have someone to report to if you so choose to be there.

 

[wannabeangel]

Thank you a lot! Even if I back out. I think having someone available during the act to reach to can be positive. Id be especially happy if someone could report on my behalf the peacefulness of my death should I go through with it. I know that may be a lot to ask but its common here and, I feel its important to document these things, you know?
Itll be comforting have someone to report to if you so choose to be there.

i feel like documenting my own ctb as well, i would want someone to be with me and report back how peaceful it seemed, i would want everything i want. and its okkay to back out if ur not ready. feel free to reach out to me, i just wanna help people its a habit of mine

 

[DignifiedGrave]

If anybody is interested in being in contact with me during my final moments tomorrow night, id much appreciate it.
I haven't exactly gotten close with anyone here, but everyone ive talked to has left a profound impact on me and I love the people in this community.

Thank you very much. Im confident my ctb will be at least semi peaceful. Zen awaits.

Tomorrow ill probably update the thread as my heart desires. Who knows, we can see. Ill definitely update the thread while my sn and benadryl dissolve into their respective glasses. Ill use solo cups. My last moments will be spent talking with whomever is willing to chat with me in the thread and personally with whomever might be my observer.
I am honored to have found this site as everyone here has been wonderful and I have learned much. Its funny, I actually feel really removed almost entirely from this whole situation. I guess a near year of constant suicide ideation and disassociation does that huh? You know how ill and elderly people slip mentally in palliative care? How the body gives up life and the mind follows? I feel suicide is often the opposite. The mind slowly gives up life and so follows the body. I am tired, and am ready to sleep, to see that great darkness, heaven, hell, limbo, it doesnt matter. I am going on a journey from home, or perhaps to home? And my destination is peace.

 

[pk@2001]

Hopefully you will find your peace

 

[ToothFairy]

Wish you peace with your decision

 

[DignifiedGrave]

i feel like documenting my own ctb as well, i would want someone to be with me and report back how peaceful it seemed, i would want everything i want. and its okkay to back out if ur not ready. feel free to reach out to me, i just wanna help people its a habit of mine

Absolutely ill reach out.

 

[dearn]

Peace and love

 

[psty2125]

Hello world! I am writing this from work. Today, I took my first metoclopramide. I will take another later at 4, and again tonight at 1２, unless i decide to die tonight, then ill have three at 11-11:20.
Anyway. I feel my time is here, this week has been kind and somehow I managed to import meto and sn. I will try to get a benzo but, i wont be needing it. Ill do 600mg ibuprofen with my meto before I drink myself to sleep. Ill report if I live.
The past few weeks ive thought heavily about suicide but this week is the calmest ive been. I feel so calm. Between everything coming in and how good this week has been so far, I suppose im like, destined to cbt. Gonna watch serial experiments lain tonight as much as I can, and well, either between tonight and Saturday ill make my leave.
Also. I started this while working, I been adding on to my draft as the done has gone so sorry if thoughts are disorganized. Actually just finished work and now its my weekend, I feel ready to act and took my second meto a few minutes ago around 430. I think its fine to allow leniency in my schedule. I actually feel totally fine on meto thus far and haven't experienced any weirdness. So thats a big plus. Luckily, with it being my weekend, i don't have to worry about anything. I get to relax, and just, be at peace I guess. And soon, we'll probably find an ever-unfolding expanse of that very peace. I'm we, btw. Dont ask it's just what we be doing.
We'll Sasu. What can I say, except... well ill miss you all. My friends, you know yourselves, ill miss you friends, ill miss every opportunity ive had here to relate and to be related to, to speak without fear of sounding looney, to be in a truly gentle and caring space. Yes, suicide creates the most gentle of spaces.
I just lowkey cant believe im here now, but when i see into the future, I see black, i dont even consider such a thing much anymore. I used to aways think about the future, about what needed to be done, about what I was working for. Ive lost all that this past year, since last October. Now I think "Do i have to awake tomorrow?"
Id rather not. Well... we wont have to... Not anymore, and neither work or eat or smoke, or talk to people. Is that bad? Is it? I dont really think so. I think, right now as I write to you, Sasu, to who I say goodbye, hopefully one last time, I think that, we are killed by suicide not ourselves, I think we are innocent and that suicide is not wrong. Any moralizing of suicide can only harm us who wish not to harm or be harmed. I think, its alright. All those things ill miss, all these people, all you guys... itll be okay. I know itll okay, and now, I am not so scared anymore. I feel good. I always cry when I think im abandoning people, but today, i feel fine. Last night, I stood in my noose for long, I almost went through, and my survival instinct felt so damned low, like something swooped down and lifted it up into the heavens to be my guide. Like I was meant to go through with the act, and when I stepped out, I got back in and thought some more. I only didnt do it because part of me felt that the noose isnt certain enough. I was more scared to wake back up then to leave. So thats why, even if SN might make me suffer, and im not necessarily certain it will, itll be my method of choice. I know when take it, that SN will be very certain and that i will pass. Sasu, give me strength and wish me peace. This weekend, I intent to die.

hope you find peace

if you dont mind me asking, what's the reason for your CTB?

 

[hlchoo]

Wish you find peace

 

[DignifiedGrave]

hope you find peace

if you dont mind me asking, what's the reason for your CTB?

I been dealing with bad depression and isolation for a very long time. This community has helped me a lot and ive found a certain sense of love here but in a way, my heart tires you know? Ive tried now for years to feel close to people even though ive always felt a million miles away from even my closest friends. Ive come to accept that my depression and anxiety are probably life long because I've felt with them for years and both of these just make me constantly suicidal. Ive even had dreams before about hanging myself. To be honest, ive always felt like a total alien to the world so maybe death will bring me that peace i need.

 

[wishingdeath]

Thinking of you

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Tomorrow ill probably update the thread as my heart desires. Who knows, we can see. Ill definitely update the thread while my sn and benadryl dissolve into their respective glasses. Ill use solo cups. My last moments will be spent talking with whomever is willing to chat with me in the thread and personally with whomever might be my observer.
I am honored to have found this site as everyone here has been wonderful and I have learned much. Its funny, I actually feel really removed almost entirely from this whole situation. I guess a near year of constant suicide ideation and disassociation does that huh? You know how ill and elderly people slip mentally in palliative care? How the body gives up life and the mind follows? I feel suicide is often the opposite. The mind slowly gives up life and so follows the body. I am tired, and am ready to sleep, to see that great darkness, heaven, hell, limbo, it doesnt matter. I am going on a journey from home, or perhaps to home? And my destination is peace.

Last night not long after my third meto I felt weird. My muscles were twitchy and spasming. Not like super bad but the dopamine being blocked definitely messed with my muscles. My right thigh actual would feel uncomfortable as it happened. Then I took a benadryl and that with the meto made me very sleepy and drowsy and today I've had no muscle side effects at all even after my 8:00 meto. Been fine today. For the hour ive been up. Meto and benadryl makes sleep for nice and heavy, ill say. Im sure I passed out before my muscles could relax again.

Last night not long after my third meto I felt weird. My muscles were twitchy and spasming. Not like super bad but the dopamine being blocked definitely messed with my muscles. My right thigh actual would feel uncomfortable as it happened. Then I took a benadryl and that with the meto made me very sleepy and drowsy and today I've had no muscle side effects at all even after my 8:00 meto. Been fine today. For the hour ive been up. Meto and benadryl makes sleep for nice and heavy, ill say. Im sure I passed out before my muscles could relax again.

Here's my Playlist. I kept it short, 30 minutes, its all jpop. Would've done alice im chains and like goth rock and postpunk but, I feel i need sounds that can comfort me through me death. Bright, happier music, driven.

Last night not long after my third meto I felt weird. My muscles were twitchy and spasming. Not like super bad but the dopamine being blocked definitely messed with my muscles. My right thigh actual would feel uncomfortable as it happened. Then I took a benadryl and that with the meto made me very sleepy and drowsy and today I've had no muscle side effects at all even after my 8:00 meto. Been fine today. For the hour ive been up. Meto and benadryl makes sleep for nice and heavy, ill say. Im sure I passed out before my muscles could relax again.



Here's my Playlist. I kept it short, 30 minutes, its all jpop. Would've done alice im chains and like goth rock and postpunk but, I feel i need sounds that can comfort me through me death. Bright, happier music, driven.

Feeling good today. Death is on my mind and maybe im nervous but my resolve remains high. May have a monster soon and then smoke a bunch of weed. Thinking of a snack or last meal before 16:00 ideas? I got like an hour and a half to eat lol.

Last night not long after my third meto I felt weird. My muscles were twitchy and spasming. Not like super bad but the dopamine being blocked definitely messed with my muscles. My right thigh actual would feel uncomfortable as it happened. Then I took a benadryl and that with the meto made me very sleepy and drowsy and today I've had no muscle side effects at all even after my 8:00 meto. Been fine today. For the hour ive been up. Meto and benadryl makes sleep for nice and heavy, ill say. Im sure I passed out before my muscles could relax again.



Here's my Playlist. I kept it short, 30 minutes, its all jpop. Would've done alice im chains and like goth rock and postpunk but, I feel i need sounds that can comfort me through me death. Bright, happier music, driven.

Feeling good today. Death is on my mind and maybe im nervous but my resolve remains high. May have a monster soon and then smoke a bunch of weed. Thinking of a snack or last meal before 16:00 ideas? I got like an hour and a half to eat lol.

Been cleaning my room. Clean room, clean mind, clean death. I feel a more clean room is a more dignified ctb and less of a burden on my family. I dont want them cleaning a thing after im found. I want my room to be pristine and ready for when my family finds the stomach to sit upon my bed where ill die and see my things and think of me. Its my final message. "Let me carry this burden"

Last night not long after my third meto I felt weird. My muscles were twitchy and spasming. Not like super bad but the dopamine being blocked definitely messed with my muscles. My right thigh actual would feel uncomfortable as it happened. Then I took a benadryl and that with the meto made me very sleepy and drowsy and today I've had no muscle side effects at all even after my 8:00 meto. Been fine today. For the hour ive been up. Meto and benadryl makes sleep for nice and heavy, ill say. Im sure I passed out before my muscles could relax again.



Here's my Playlist. I kept it short, 30 minutes, its all jpop. Would've done alice im chains and like goth rock and postpunk but, I feel i need sounds that can comfort me through me death. Bright, happier music, driven.

Feeling good today. Death is on my mind and maybe im nervous but my resolve remains high. May have a monster soon and then smoke a bunch of weed. Thinking of a snack or last meal before 16:00 ideas? I got like an hour and a half to eat lol.

Been cleaning my room. Clean room, clean mind, clean death. I feel a more clean room is a more dignified ctb and less of a burden on my family. I dont want them cleaning a thing after im found. I want my room to be pristine and ready for when my family finds the stomach to sit upon my bed where ill die and see my things and think of me. Its my final message. "Let me carry this burden"

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Last night not long after my third meto I felt weird. My muscles were twitchy and spasming. Not like super bad but the dopamine being blocked definitely messed with my muscles. My right thigh actual would feel uncomfortable as it happened. Then I took a benadryl and that with the meto made me very sleepy and drowsy and today I've had no muscle side effects at all even after my 8:00 meto. Been fine today. For the hour ive been up. Meto and benadryl makes sleep for nice and heavy, ill say. Im sure I passed out before my muscles could relax again.



Here's my Playlist. I kept it short, 30 minutes, its all jpop. Would've done alice im chains and like goth rock and postpunk but, I feel i need sounds that can comfort me through me death. Bright, happier music, driven.

Feeling good today. Death is on my mind and maybe im nervous but my resolve remains high. May have a monster soon and then smoke a bunch of weed. Thinking of a snack or last meal before 16:00 ideas? I got like an hour and a half to eat lol.

Been cleaning my room. Clean room, clean mind, clean death. I feel a more clean room is a more dignified ctb and less of a burden on my family. I dont want them cleaning a thing after im found. I want my room to be pristine and ready for when my family finds the stomach to sit upon my bed where ill die and see my things and think of me. Its my final message. "Let me carry this burden"

Been cleaning my room. Clean room, clean mind, clean death. I feel a more clean room is a more dignified ctb and less of a burden on my family. I dont want them cleaning a thing after im found. I want my room to be pristine and ready for when my family finds the stomach to sit upon my bed where ill die and see my things and think of me. Its my final message. "Let me carry this burden"

My room is finally cleaned up well. Just finished vacuuming. Im actually not that hungry I guess so I won't eat anything. Maybe a banana just now before 4 I clock. Gonna go get a monster soon to enjoy with weed while I watch soms anime. Then tonight ill shower and shampoo and put myself together.

 

[BloodStainedAntlers]

My room is finally cleaned up well. Just finished vacuuming. Im actually not that hungry I guess so I won't eat anything. Maybe a banana just now before 4 I clock. Gonna go get a monster soon to enjoy with weed while I watch soms anime. Then tonight ill shower and shampoo and put myself together.

Sounds like a chill last evening. Which anime are you gonna watch?

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Sounds like a chill last evening. Which anime are you gonna watch?

Serial experiments lain. Already seen the first episode and really enjoyed it.

 

[roxaine]

Tomorrow ill probably update the thread as my heart desires. Who knows, we can see. Ill definitely update the thread while my sn and benadryl dissolve into their respective glasses. Ill use solo cups. My last moments will be spent talking with whomever is willing to chat with me in the thread and personally with whomever might be my observer.
I am honored to have found this site as everyone here has been wonderful and I have learned much. Its funny, I actually feel really removed almost entirely from this whole situation. I guess a near year of constant suicide ideation and disassociation does that huh? You know how ill and elderly people slip mentally in palliative care? How the body gives up life and the mind follows? I feel suicide is often the opposite. The mind slowly gives up life and so follows the body. I am tired, and am ready to sleep, to see that great darkness, heaven, hell, limbo, it doesnt matter. I am going on a journey from home, or perhaps to home? And my destination is peace.

i wish you a safe and peaceful travel stranger <3

 

[wannabeangel]

Serial experiments lain. Already seen the first episode and really enjoyed it.

great choice, i love that anime a lot

 

[findingpeace08]

@DignifiedGrave You seem like a nice person. I wish you wellbcwhatever and wherever you do or go :)

How long were you planning to ctb?

 

[DignifiedGrave]

I been suicidal since like 13 but ive been planning the last year.

 

[evrlastingsea]

Hey, we never really properly talk and all. But i find certain familiarity with you as we're both into jpop and find comfort in it. whatever your end decision will be, i really hope you find peace. how are you feeling now?

 

[DignifiedGrave]

Hey, we never really properly talk and all. But i find certain familiarity with you as we're both into jpop and find comfort in it. whatever your end decision will be, i really hope you find peace. how are you feeling now?

Hi right now im feeling pretty alright. Bit nervous maybe but that's all. I been pretty focused on my ctb all day today, making sure to clean myself, my room where ill ctb, and take care of little things, even cleaning up my bong and just prepping materials, counting pills and things. So I feel resolute and overall pretty decent. I think ill go through with it. I feel ready.

Whats your favorite jpop song right now? I think for me I been feeling yanaginagi a lot. I really like point to infinity, moekasu no sanka, and ao no paredo.

 

[evrlastingsea]

Hi right now im feeling pretty alright. Bit nervous maybe but that's all. I been pretty focused on my ctb all day today, making sure to clean myself, my room where ill ctb, and take care of little things, even cleaning up my bong and just prepping materials, counting pills and things. So I feel resolute and overall pretty decent. I think ill go through with it. I feel ready.

Whats your favorite jpop song right now? I think for me I been feeling yanaginagi a lot. I really like point to infinity, moekasu no sanka, and ao no paredo.

i'm glad to hear that you're feeling alright rn. i hope it all goes well if you're ready ^^ i really hope it'll be peaceful until the end.

i really like yanaginagi too! i used to really love that specific album エウアル too. Specifically Ambivalentidea song. although rn my favorite is sound horizon's song "utsukushiki mono".

anyways, have you started the fasting yet? i' m not sure about our time difference

 

[DignifiedGrave]

My room is finally cleaned up well. Just finished vacuuming. Im actually not that hungry I guess so I won't eat anything. Maybe a banana just now before 4 I clock. Gonna go get a monster soon to enjoy with weed while I watch soms anime. Then tonight ill shower and shampoo and put myself together.

i'm glad to hear that you're feeling alright rn. i hope it all goes well if you're ready ^^ i really hope it'll be peaceful until the end.

i really like yanaginagi too! i used to really love that specific album エウアル too. Specifically Ambivalentidea song. although rn my favorite is sound horizon's song "utsukushiki mono".

anyways, have you started the fasting yet? i' m not sure about our time difference

Yeah. In fact ive ate one thing today, a single banana just before 4 o clock. Rn its nearly 8 for me, so ive definitely prepared. I am drinking whatever until 9 or 10 however. After this soda ill likely have a glass of cold water.

Do you like any Garnidelia? Im also into Asca, Luna Haruna, Im also into a lil Claris.

 

[evrlastingsea]

Yeah. In fact ive ate one thing today, a single banana just before 4 o clock. Rn its nearly 8 for me, so ive definitely prepared. I am drinking whatever until 9 or 10 however. After this soda ill likely have a glass of cold water.

Do you like any Garnidelia? Im also into Asca, Luna Haruna, Im also into a lil Claris.

oh, that's why i couldnt figure out the time difference. hoping the process will go well and safe..

i do listen to them all! i have lots of their songs scattered on my playlist, although it's mostly the popular ones. out of the ones you mentioned, i like luna haruna's songs the most. what's your favorite song from them?

 

[DignifiedGrave]

My room is finally cleaned up well. Just finished vacuuming. Im actually not that hungry I guess so I won't eat anything. Maybe a banana just now before 4 I clock. Gonna go get a monster soon to enjoy with weed while I watch soms anime. Then tonight ill shower and shampoo and put myself together.

Another update. I am four until before my time to ctb. I have all my meds ready for consumption. Ill prepare the sn and crush and dissolve my benadryl after I take my final metoclopramide pills. As for how I fee? I feel good, and I am in a sound and functional state of mind. I find that staying busy and completing task to make my space and mind clear has been very helpful. I just been doing things so that I feel my death is as clean, dignified, and least burdensome as possible to my family who will find me. Maybe wont work but ill leave my notebook where I journaled and left notes inside in my dad's truck. I doubt the police will search it and i dont remember them checking vehicles after my brothers suicide.
...
Speaking of, I dont believe in an afterlife, but I wish there is one, I would like to see him again. I always think of my brother.

I am anxious but I suppose thats okay, its only natural right? And this metoclopramide i would like to note definitely can affect mood and cause involventary movement. Though its acute so I guess it stops when the meds stops. Funny enough benadryl helps with symptoms caused by metoclopramide and makes you more drowsy while on meto. Haven't had any today but I did take one last night and up until just recently I wasnt noticing metos effects. I will post my protocol later.

oh, that's why i couldnt figure out the time difference. hoping the process will go well and safe..

i do listen to them all! i have lots of their songs scattered on my playlist, although it's mostly the popular ones. out of the ones you mentioned, i like luna haruna's songs the most. what's your favorite song from them?

I actually really like truestory and I enjoy ripple effect. Thos are like two really good ones from Luna. Especially ripple effect. For Garnidelia my long time favorite has been Error. I even learned to sing it! Garnidelia is of course my all time favorite music group out of Japan. They split though. Mai left Garnide and the agency to pursue a solo career with her own studio that I think she confirmed being ceo of on her fan page. Apparently she wasn't being treated well at the agency and I hear the split between her and Toku was pretty graceful.