Discussion How certain are you in your desire to ctb?

[Mr2005]

It's not a desire, it's admitting defeat

 

[PeaceDeathLove]

My conviction to die by suicide waxes and wanes ... I am certain that I will leave this life by my own hand. Just a question of wrapping up a few loose ends

 

[NasiGoreng]

I am 100% sure I would be dead if I had SN 3 weeks ago.. Now I'll just wait for the right time

 

[Teardrop2021]

I don't really want to die, but I feel backed into a corner. I'm happy with most things in my life but I have a severe anxiety disorder that makes my life hell. It was under control for a long time before the pandemic, but the pandemic/lockdown triggered the worst episode of my life and I haven't been able to get my balance despite trying a bunch of meds and therapies. I can't live like this much longer. It really may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but what choice do I have if I can't take it anymore?

 

[PeacefulTonic]

100% at this point. No chance of anything getting better. Complete anhedonia. I completely hate myself as a person. Nothing anyone can say or do that will change my mind

 

[hlynn95]

At times I want to die, as I see it is the only way to stop the mental pain and suffering I go through every day... then on the other end of the spectrum, I wonder if my life will ever improve. Maybe it's not so much wanting to die, but wanting to create a happier life for myself. I just feel like all my goals, dreams, and desires never came true. I don't know if I have the motivation to make a change. It just feels so hard that I want to give up. Life in general is very hard. Having to work, support ourselves, be vulnerable for heartbreak in relationships, feeling alone and friendless, etc. Every year, things don't get better. We slowly die as we age. I hate how I'm losing my good looks with aging. I can see wrinkles on my forehead starting to form, my metabolism slowing down, and I just feel ugly. I miss being young. I try to remember what it was like to be 18. Seems like a long time ago. The years fly by so fast and I want to end my life before I hit age 30. I am 26 now, and it scares me to even say that. I feel so old. I'm no longer the most attractive one in the room anymore. I feel myself getting envious when I see more attractive women than me, younger girls like 18-21 per se. I just want to die and leave a beautiful corpse behind. But I feel like I haven't lived out the best moments of my life yet. I haven't traveled the world, I haven't done much. Ugh I just feel hopeless and wish someone would take me out or kill me themselves, simply so I don't have to do it cuz I'm a big coward

 

[Acceptance]

I've always been putting off CTB but that is because I just want to be free peacefully. If I was going to be in an accident or something I wouldn't want to be saved. I have come to terms with my life and accepted the life I lived. I wouldn't mind never waking up again.

No matter how happy I am, I would much prefer to stop existing.

 

[Kennish]

100 % I don't want to live anymore

 

[Chockles]

100%. 9 months bed ridden on agony choking on my own phlegm ice had enough

 

[wanttodie]

100 % I don't want to live anymore