Discussion How are you arranging your pre and post CTB?

[ceriseange♡]

I don't think I'll leave any notes besides a generic 'I'm sorry' - as much as I want to pour my love and gratitude out for everyone individually (which is the least they deserve) but I'm too exhausted to put those feelings into words. Whenever I'm ready, I'm planning to shut my phone off and take cash out into the woods of my state and go as deep as I'm able to. It's unrealistic but everything about this feels surreal to me. If it's deep enough hopefully nobody has to find it and nature and animals can just take it back. I want to give my sister my plushies, though. And all my little figurines

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

A part of me hopes that the police go through all of my stuff once I'm gone. It gives me just a little bit of perverted enjoyment like someone is finally seeing me for every terrible thing I know I am by prying into all of the private things I've never let anybody see. I hope they're weirded out by everything wrong with me.

 

[aunaltravita]

Final Month Checklist
Clean Apartment: Trash, Donate, Retain bins
Purge Digital/Hardware
Prepare Leave-Behind Box (Heirlooms, Pictures, Critical/Vital Records, everything I'd want to be found/entrusted/bequeathed to family/friends)
Plot Site Headstone Pre-Arrangement if $ affordable
Final Draft of proposed Obituary/Epitaph
Advance Directive (DNR/DNI)
Charity Trust / Estate for disposition of any remaining scrap salvage assets
Dry Run rehearsals at various candidate sites (SI extinction conditioning aka fear extinction exposure conditioning)
Termination of doctor-patient relationships to mitigate any third party liability
Complete mini-memoir final draft

Week/Day of Checklist
Get tattoos
Leave Notes to Family (personal, non-adversarial)
72 hour Delay Send Other Notes/Texts/Messages to intended recipients (Storyline to colleagues/friends on why this happened and it's not your fault. To reporters as sanitized/media friendly preprint version with sources narrating the facts, logical sequence of what led to this outcome, non-adversarial no guilt tripping just the facts on underlying mechanics)
Pack ready-go bag
Standby for triggering/provoking event in full heat of moment swing or set tipping scale event (e.g. play lottery for last X weeks as tie-breaker if God or universe wants me here or not simple heuristic to break the loop)
Proceed to remote inaccessible area
Post packet for first responders (if/when located) with next of kin info and note for medical examiner on factual timeline of events leading up to decision culminating in death)
Proceed with process and method
Lights out

Lol I like the idea of playing lottery, imma do that too just for the thrill of it.

Also, you seem to have everything planned, I'll steal some other stuff from your plan, can I ask you which method you're going to use?

good luck to you man hope you can find peace

I thought about donating all my money to charity before I CTB. But I'm afraid of something going wrong. I'll do it with (professional-grade) helium, but imagine you turn on the valve and discover that it's not actually pure anough to kill you. Then I'd be sitting there with no money left.

Charities are just a big money laundering scheme, for me :)

I read about helium, but that bloody failed attempt of someone with the mask just didn't sit right with me...

Thats why I'm searching left and right for SN...but if you have pure graded He, maybe that's different Idk.

Honestly I'm not preparing much, I have a note or two written out, I'm hoping my beloved will find this profile and read through it, not sure how to arrange that, maybe ask someone to contact him as my last will / wish, I also know a girl that asked me to tell her when I'm gonna die, so I'll have to find someone to help me contact her too, I don't have any money or any savings, so I wouldn't be giving that to anyone sadly

I personally wouldn't want people to find SS...personally. I think you can arrange for postponed email/texts, just gotta see how it works but I know for a fact that you can do it somehow.

I saw some of your threads, hope everything you are going through will end soon.

I don't particularly mind what happens after I CTB as long as I'm dead. I don't want a funeral, I just want my body to be fed to the animals, but I know that wish would never be respected. I will probably be found by law enforcement, but that's their problem, I didn't ask for my body to be found.

I'm locking all my digital devices and set passcodes nobody can guess.

My parents will get my money but I don't want them to. I just don't care enough to change it.

I will go on a long drive to my CTB spot, I think it would be funny if I put on celebration music (like the crab rave) on loop in the car speaker.

"But that's their problem" ahahahaha
You seem to be fed up with this life, i totally feel that.

What method you going to?

I don't think I'll leave any notes besides a generic 'I'm sorry' - as much as I want to pour my love and gratitude out for everyone individually (which is the least they deserve) but I'm too exhausted to put those feelings into words. Whenever I'm ready, I'm planning to shut my phone off and take cash out into the woods of my state and go as deep as I'm able to. It's unrealistic but everything about this feels surreal to me. If it's deep enough hopefully nobody has to find it and nature and animals can just take it back. I want to give my sister my plushies, though. And all my little figurines

It seems that going into the woods is actually something that a lot of us want to do, I guess there's something peaceful about it, if living among people is that heavy I can imagine why.

People will search for you tho. Surely.
Which method you wanna go for?

A part of me hopes that the police go through all of my stuff once I'm gone. It gives me just a little bit of perverted enjoyment like someone is finally seeing me for every terrible thing I know I am by prying into all of the private things I've never let anybody see. I hope they're weirded out by everything wrong with me.

This is some dark fantasy and I think I got what you meant. But, still, I hope you can find your peace, and if you know you are a terrible person and wanna end it, that's not actually something that a really bad person would do :)

But I'm a stranger on the internet, maybe you are right

 

[Passenger4224]

"But that's their problem" ahahahaha
You seem to be fed up with this life, i totally feel that.

What method you going to?

Extremely fed up yea. Not just with life but with the people that want to keep me going.

I will be jumping off a cliff

 

[aunaltravita]

Extremely fed up yea. Not just with life but with the people that want to keep me going.

I will be jumping off a cliff

As I said to another user before in this thread, I admire you for that cuz it takes 2 big balls of steel uff

 

[Lost_Dawns]

i plan to ctb shortly, within 2 or 3 months. i may write a note but writing a note last time is partially what lead to me getting caught and my attempt failing. i don not know if its worth the risk. i cant afford to get caught again and lose another year, but i also dont want to leave with no reason. i would write a note to show as evidence that the harassment and abuse is why i ctbd, and not to leave it up to some twisted lie that the people around me could use to try to claim innocence.

this is more for later me to find out.

 

[Cyaneed]

I have written a will, planned my funeral in detail, and will write some suicide letters to my partner and friends before I kms. I will of course also use the toilet before I do what I have in mind to reduce some of the mess. I have yet to hear about a CTB that has been pretty, but at least I will try not to make myself look too disgusting in the end. I still have issues with the SI but hopefully my next attempt will be my last one. I have also thrown away stuff I don't need, and given away things to friends and thrift stores.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

Are you leaving any notes? Do you care if the police will analyze your digital devices? Are you leaving money (for those who can) to your close ones (if you have any)? Are you thinking about funeral/cremation expenses?

I'm personally thinking about getting SN (will do a separate thread about it), booking an Airbnb for 2 days. Leaving a note to my mother alongside some cash, cuz bank accounts will be frozen. Will send her a farewell message before CTB I guess, or maybe a pre-progranned message and then do whatever method I'll go for (hopefully SN). I'd like to be cremated honestly. Will buy a new phone, hide the old one with the cash, I don't like police sniffing my data as in the country I'm in they will do a forensic copy for ALL your devices, to rule out homicide and/or to reconstruct how you CTBed. In reality, they will do it to find out HOW you did it, especially if you bought illegal substances etc etc

I'm starting to arrange everything for my CTB hopefully in the beginning of next year. Deadset on it, won't change my mind unless for a real judicial miracle in court but I doubt it.

You arranging something before? I guess that from how different each live can be, I think that some of you don't really care about arranging anything.
(Honestly, I'm 50/50 on cleaning things up before, just for my mother)

last time when i attempted to CTB i wrote a note explaining that ive ended my life and there was no foul play for first responders, another one which was an explanation of why, individual notes to friends/family, funeral plans, and certain personal items that id like to be distributed to loved ones, i even wrote instructions on an N2 exit bag in an envelope with "READ BEFORE CALLING POLICE" on it, so that if i survived but with permanent severe disability, there is potential that my mother would be able to assist my dying, very thorough

the issue is i feel like the personal notes got kind of lazy as i went on with writing them because i had no energy, basically put them off for so long i had to write them all in one go, the only downside of doing this is that any notes you write will be held as evidence by the police, im not sure whether it would hold any power, but i included in my note explaining that it was a suicide that id like those notes to be held as evidence for the least amount of time possible

as for my phone, im not majorly bothered about that, i think its a huge invasion of privacy especially bc any evidence they find can be broadcasted at your PUBLIC inquest, it was something that scared me a lot at first, but ive got nothing to hide, realistically police recourses are limited and they are only searching for evidence that would lead them to conclude that it was a suicide without foul play

next time im going to do the same thing because i want to make this as easy as possible for the people around me, because i am loved, i am cared about, but my mind is set on this, so its not so much about me, but its more about giving other people a little bit of peace with knowing that there is nothing they could've done, and they shouldn't blame themselves